Another GARISH, CRAPPY Johnny Depp-Tim Burton Piece of Shit - GETS PANNED

The only surprise with a Johnny Depp-Tim Burton film is if the critics and the public don't trip over their feet to get to the theaters.

Oooh, JOHNNY! OHHH, Tim! It looks like MAYBE their luck has run out.

Finally, it seems like the critics, at least, are tired of Burton's "Lucy in the Sky" hallucinatory antics in nauseating over-drenched color.

When I saw TV commercials for this nauseating thing, I thought, "No, not another overbaked phoned-in fantasy film where special effects and creepy make-up pass for a good script and decent acting."

Burton's done some decent work, and some of it was even somewhat new and different. The man worth $140 million (gee, $10 million more than fat Adele gets for a few albums of bellowing) sometimes "pushed the envelope." You didn't have to be Bob Dylan to think, "something's going on here, but you don't know what it is," when he unleashed strange and quirky items like "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" or "Beetlejuice." He showed a unique style, and took us inside the world of the outsider.

Depp was pretty good as "Edward Scissorhands," and less so (way too young) as "Ed Wood" or "Sweeney Todd." The fact is, Burton began to smell. That goes for his takes on Batman, and his fucking parodies of himself like "Tim Burton's Corpse Bride," where he had to put his fucking name on the title.

I hated the mean-spirited "Mars Attacks" when it first came out, except for his temporary wife Lisa Marie, but came to see that it was quite a twisted satire. But mostly, no, the guy is painting by the numbers, and that goes for his fucking soundtrack composer, Danny Elfman, whose scores began to all sound alike.

It probably is too late for the Depp-Burton team to put out anything even tolerable, which is about all "Sweeney Todd" was (especially with Tim's talentless twat of an ex-second wife, Hellish Bon-Jovi Carter.

And Depp, really, is such a one-dimensional Marlon Skeleton. It's OVER. Go do the endless sequels as a pirate (those aren't with Burton, I know), and enjoy your money.

I think Depp even realizes he can't continue his mono-syllabic game of glowering at talk show hosts. He's TRIED to loosen up and mumble a funny anecdote or a dry one-liner. Usually he fails. He can't save his movies by promoting them, and we're all frankly a bit tired of looking at him.

Not to gang up on Depp, or depp up on Gang, or whatever. The poor schmuck has had it rough lately. He had that monumental bomb playing a "Native American" in "The Lone Ranger," and he is getting a divorce (no not from Vanessa Paradis again, from some lesbian bimbo), and nobody seemed to care about that stupid band he was in with Alice Cooper, etc. etc.

The critics can babble their disappointment all they want. Like so:

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The test will be whether the zombie public in general, and that vast army of Millennial nerds in particular, can EVER cut the cord on this candy-ass shit. They didn't when a fuming Gene Wilder watched the new "Wonka" become a wonder at the box office. Apparently Depp-Burton's earlier "Alice" movie did well enough to warrant this sequel, timed for the "family holiday" of Memorial Day in the States, and summer around the world.

Right now, as predictable as fart after a Mexican dinner, the two TOP movies at the box office are: ANGRY BIRDS (another lookalike computer-animated piece of crap based on an Internet game) and CAPTAIN AMERICA (yet another tedious Marvel comic book asshole).

IF I'M BEING HONEST, we all know that movies now have to be loud, garish and stupid. They have to either involve bright color kiddie characters (preferably in animation), cartoonish super heroes, or those always hilarious and athletic Niggas (Will Smith, Tyler Perry, Jamie Foxx, Chris Tucker, etc. etc.).

As for the "art houses" which barely exist anymore except in very big cities, they get some fucking bore from Dame Doodi Stench, and that's it. If Stench turns it down, Maggie Smith takes it. When these dull British movies about eccentric twats and nasty cunts play for a few weeks to a piddlingly smaller and smaller bunch of old people and pretentious movie buffs, there will be a new Woody Allen film. This one will float along. Not too well. After all, there are not so many Jews anymore. Some movie buffs can't feel good about themselves because Ronan Farrow and his sister say "DON'T SEE WOODY'S FILMS." The slack is taken up by the scattershot bunch of Millennials who HAVE to see their faves even if it's in a Woody Allen movie they don't understand and find very wordy.

There's just not much out there that's any good, and if it IS good, it gets ruined with endless sequels (Downey Jr. as both Sherlock Holmes AND Iron Man) or spoiled by PC shit (James Bond the Blond, who will be followed by either James Bond the Nigga or James Bond the transgender male).

IF the assholes DON'T waddle to the multi-plex because they have nothing better to do, or no taste, or have to park the brats for a while, this MAY signal that everybody is TIRED of Tim Burton films, and Tim Burton-flavored films. (He didn't direct this one, only produced it and hired somebody to ape his style.)

If this flops, will the public also come to realize that Leonardo di Crapio has aged into an extremely unpalatable round-headed ug? That De Niro keeps doing De Niro but with crappier scripts and more eyebrow raising and guffawing out the side of his fucking mouth? That Italian gangsters AREN'T funny anymore or even relevant? That it's boring to see a white hero with a noisy Nigga sidekick, or a Nigga hero with a bewildered asshole white sidekick? That Streep has a crooked nose like a fucking Picasso painting and is NOT the world's greatest actress? That Angelina Jolie is no longer hot? That there's a limit to how many times anyone wants to see the same stupid special effects in a sci-film about the end of the world? That you can't keep piling more and more super heroes into a Marvel movie and expect people to sit there in awe? That Tom Hanks has aged well out of his roles as "the average decent American?" That Batman and Superman films aren't as good as the TV versions or the comic books, because they reflect a new, techno-nasty world that is a misery to live in?

Would it surprise you that I've not been to a fucking movie in a theater in at least five years or more? And that I hardly ever even bothering downloading this new shit for FREEEEEE?