Fat Slob Melissa McCarthy is "as funny as a liver transplant"

The American public is busy shoving hotdogs down their gullets (61 this year, in 10 minutes, for the slob asshole moron who won the Coney Island contest).

They proudly flaunt their obesity, and make heroes out of all kinds of fat slob male and female "stars." It doesn't seem possible for a film or TV comedy NOT to have a grotesquely obese co-star that people find hilarious.

And so, on this hot-dog-eating weekend of wretched excess, a Melissa McCarthy movie has been released. "Hey, after we finish shoving hot dogs down our gullets, let's go to the movies...giant garbage-can-size sodas and giant garbage-can-size popcorn boxes...and look who the star is: MELISSA FAT-AS-A-SOW MCCARTHY! YEEEE HA!!"

If you don't know who this repulsive fat pig is...McCarthy was the fatso in a chick-flick comedy a few years ago. Her big scene involved waddling onto a toilet. Or was it squatting and shitting down a sewer hole? Or just waddling around till she fell over?

Somehow, being the grossest of the film's bridesmaids turned her into a SUPERSTAR. This Fatty Arbuckle with a Cunt turned up on "Saturday Night Live" to do slapstick pratfalls. Ha ha ha...fatso fell down! Yes, she can be funny (not everybody can believably hijack a llama)...but a little goes a long ways and she ain't little.

And I guess this new movie "Tammy" was made especially for her. Unless it was for Honey Boo Boo's enormously horrendous mama, who turned it down because it wasn't tacky enough.

I'm glad to say the critics all hated it. Which doesn't mean that the obnoxiously obese American public will turn away. Most are illiterate, and all they know is "The new funny fat lady is in a movie, LET'S GO..." (The new funny fat lady...we already had to suffer through Roseanne, Roseanne Barr and Roseanne Arnold...three fat ladies in one...and several others too disgusting to name).

At this point, let's pause in the America bashing (even though it's July 4th and Hot-Dog-Contest Day) and remind the rest of the English Speaking World of...horribly obese ADELE.

You see, chubby chasing isn't confined to America, and most any nation overstuffed with potatoes is going to insist that a star isn't grotesque but "pleasingly plump" and that the more pie you can stuff in the cakehole, or vice versa, the more pinchable the cheeks. Aww, come now, this McCarthy overstuffed sofa might cause a Monica Lewinsky twinge in Bill Clinton's pants, even at his age.

In another, less obnoxious and hedonistic time, a fat bitch like McCarthy would be embarrassed to show her chins in public.

The only real surprise is that Fatso was trashed for making a bad movie. In this era of celebs all being wonderful, and it being more than PC to embrace even a woman you can't put your arms around, why slam her in front of all her gob-shaped housewife readers?

My guess is that she may have snubbed a few newspapers and refused interview requests. Or...the papers might figure it's safe to actually NOT do a puff piece on a blimp like this, because her fans can't read.

Then again, neither can the author of THIS piece. The quoted reviewer for the Observer is not "Red" Reed, it's "Rex" Reed, and he's been a fairly famous name for over 40 years...from playing in "Myra Breckenridge" to writing a gossip book "Do You Sleep in the Nude" to bitchy reviewing for top newspapers, to getting arrested for shoplifting CDs at Tower Records, to ending up writing for the perpetually money-losing peach-colored paper of affluent liberals, the "Observer." He's still capable of a wonderfully bitchy line, and what's not to like about him? I mean...he's not obese.