HOT DOG EATING SLOBS AND DOG BITING SLOBS

Bored on the Fourth of July...

This is the day when overfed obese and obnoxious Americans take glory in being hated around the world.

What does Europe, Africa, Asia, and the rest of the planet know about July 4th?

They know that arrogant gun-happy noisy American assholes like to set off fireworks. All because a bunch of Puritans left England for "religious" reasons...and founded a country where they can deny birth control (Supreme Court decision last week) on religious grounds.

Aside from blowing their fingers off, ripping up animals and tossing them on barbecue grills and into fire, and maybe going to a baseball game to bellow for guys wearing laundry with a team city on it (despite only a few players actually having any connection to that city), the big deal is...

The famous "Hot Dog Eating" contest held on Phoney...er, CONEY Island.

Since the attention span of the average American isn't much, it was decided that the winner would be the slob who could eat the most hot dogs in TEN MINUTES.

Yes, some pigs and cows were killed not for nourishment, but for amusement. And while there are children in the world starving and in need of some bread (a few hot dog rolls...please...) thousands come out to cheer American gluttony.

My idea of a Fourth of July sport would be...

DOGS EATING PEOPLE.

Why not? We've already got more dog-bites in America than anywhere else.

This is because America has a lot of neurotic, obnoxious assholes who own dogs JUST to play God and have something to yell at and leash...or to have a "friend" because they are too repulsive and idiotic for other humans to want to be with.

Let's just turn dog bites into a sport. As in...let's see how many different people your POOCH can chomp on in 10 minutes. Draw blood or it doesn't count.

Extra prizes to go actually killing babies.

There are too many people in America anyway. There aren't enough jobs for them all. And they keep breeding outrageously. Hispanic families routinely have a dozen kids. That's why America is practically bilingual now.

Maniac Christians are insisting that everyone, not just Christians, be FORCED to have children. Rape? Too damn bad, you have the kid anyway...and YOU take care of it, because a good Christian family won't adopt it! Abortion? NO! Birth control? NO!

However...since Americans are a violent bunch...let's just turn around this animal destroying game of hot dog eating, and turn it into dog biting. And if young kids or babies are bitten and mauled and killed, extra points! Now THAT is the American way!