Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Lucy Kaplansky plotzes: Beggars Can be WINNERS

You never heard of Lucy Kaplansky? Then you never heard of Richie Shindell, either.

There's no shortage of people like Lucy and Richie...small label, critically acclaimed (by small town newspaper writers at least), and able to wander around playing coffee shops and college campuses...

They're among the well-fed singer/songwriters from upstate New York, the area where Bob Dylan holed up at "Big Pink" to fumble around with his "Basement Tapes," and where Levon Helm held "rambles," and where affluent right-wing shitkicker bluegrass-loving assholes shoot deer.

It's a peculiar area that mixes old-fashioned folkie types who'd have a banjo that says "this weapon kills Fascists" and actual Fascists who open fire on their neighbors during gun-nut rages.

There are parts of upstate that have a lot of poor people, and parts that are loaded with very affluent people.

Happily for Kaplansky and Shindell, it's the latter affluent bunch who over-funded their Kickstarter campaign to produce another forgettable album that won't interest anybody...outside of a small circle of NPR-listening dweebs, lamebrains and not-reall-that-sensitive types.

What draws my ire (I don't have any of their fucking albums, but I've heard their minor-league stuff, which isn't bad), is that in their affable Kickstarter "campaign pitch," they admit that people just don't buy music anymore. But gee, golly, wow, man, THIS is the "new paradigm" everybody's been talking about. Yes, click their Kickstarter pitch, and they'll tell you, happily, that it's just not possible to get a record deal, or have people BUY music, so it's up to some generous people to FUND THE PROJECT.

And in their case...they did. Wheee! They wanted $40,000 and are already pushing $55,000 in donations. Beggars CAN be WINNERS.

I didn't think they had a chance, but I under-estimated the overfed upstate New Yorkers and the rest of the affluent Lucy-Richie fans who also buy organic granola, go to the health club, buy crystals for psychic energy, buy recycled paper diapers that cost three times more than ordinary paper diapers, etc.

Over 300 people "kickstarted" them JUST to overpay $15 to get a CD. Others paid for nothing but an mp3 download. I have no idea what these fuckheads in upstate do to keep their $300,000 houses and buy their hybrid cars to tool around Warwick and Saugerties and shop for antiques and organic maple syrup. But they sure have money to waste.

Remarkable, what having the luxury of an affluent fan base will do.

In this age of pro-tools, in this age when fucking singer-songwriters don't even need much beyond their own fucking guitars...these silver-spoonfuls raised $55,000 so they could play games for a week in a fancy studio, hire one of the best producer around, and also spring for a few session men who expect to be PAID for their time, rather than just getting a credit. $55,000.

Put it this way, if I was trying to fund a project, I would've been happy to get $5,000, for a day or two in somebody's basement studio and the price of pressing the fucking CDs.

I know a singer-songwriter who was asked to record for an indie label...and all that was offered was $5,000...so he accepted, and gave them a bunch of demos, some with fake drums and other budget-cut games. HE didn't go to Kickstarter. Well, HE writes very good songs that don't happen to appeal to the lame-o types that buy pancake mix mail-order from "Mama Kate" (or whoever) and are prone to weep at any song that mentions sunsets or flowers or honey bees.

I don't dislike Richie or Lucy...I just find that this "new paradigm" of theirs is exclusionary, and obnoxious. It's NOT the way it has to be, even if THEY are perfectly happy this way.

"Support the Artists."

I wonder how often either of this dynamic duo bothered to go on line and file a complaint when their music was stolen. All during that upswing in piracy, how silent were Lucy and Richie? As silent as Levon Helm? Steely Dan? All the other upstaters? As silent as Dean (let's not use his last name) an indie record producer who often recycled singer-songwriters and oldies acts and would say, "Eh, it's "whack a mole," it's not worth the stress to report anyone..."

Maybe Richie and Lucy were so much "in the bubble" that they never had the problem? Possibly their affluent fans always bought CDs at their gigs. Very likely that they've always made enough via Upstate New York and affluent Connecticut and Boston gigs to not suffer in a cabin outside Albany living on Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

Most obscure singer-songwriters self-press their CDs with their own money and are glad to break even by selling them at gigs. Many go to Kickstarter and get nowhere, even if they're asking a reasonable price to fund a CD...like a few grand, not fucking $40,000 (which ballooned to $55,000).

The fact is...WE (singers, songwriters, writers, performers, artists) should NOT be BEGGARS. Our rights should NOT be taken from us. We should NOT have to find that rare "new paradigm" that works only .000000001% of the time while letting ignorant egotistic sap-faced ugly fat-assed jerks like Hans Demented and the rest take our work and take the credit just so he can have something to do because he's bored and useless.

Watch this duo's Kickstarter video. They don't even cringe at the embarrassment, outrage and humiliation of being beggars. Nope, they just smile, like 8 year-olds with affluent parents...the only question being how EXPENSIVE the Christmas bicycles are going to be...not whether they'll get 'em at all.

It's sickening. And it's not the answer.

Just wait, you two, wait till you get just a little older, a little more tired, a little more sick of the road. I see disease in your future. Disability. Less stamina. Less fans listening to the new album because it sounds like the last one, but not as good.

Then what, Little Richie? Then what, Looooooosy? Oh, right. "Hey everyone, I'm doing this Kickstarter to raise money for this fine singer-songwriter who needs to pay medical expenses, and who is having trouble paying the mortagage, and who doesn't have a record deal, and we all know that nobody gets royalties because everybody steals music, and our fave can't go tour every night...so please, the goal is $250,000...and for that...you get a T-SHIRT..."

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