Thursday, July 24, 2014

Janis Joplin on a US Postage Stamp - Liz King next?

It's a nice scam...you print a sheet of pretty pictures, and it costs you maybe 10 cents a sheet.

"Collectors" buy each sheet for about $10. Nice profit.

Yet, even with this scam, the U.S. Postal Service is millions of dollars in debt.

They keep coming up with new, inane stamps for "collectors" to waste their money on...it may be the only division of the post office that makes a profit.

After the ugly Jimi Hendrix stamp, here's the ugly Janis Joplin stamp...

If you remember back that far, it was a "Triple J" year for the Happy Reaper...as his scythe cut down three of the most pretentious assholes ever to entertain retards. All three died of some kind of overdose, which only endeared them to stupid people everywhere.

Jimi? The great Jimi? Probably the most talented of the three, he was a shitty singer, really, but he did create a memorable version of Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower." Playing an idiot distorted version of "The Star Spangled Banner" was considered cool, a tribute, or just repulsive. Other than that? Who the fuck cares. Guitar heroes are right up there with garage mechanics. Gee, you can play a guitar very fast. You can also change a tire very fast. Wow.

Hendrix was idolized by wimpy white kids who needed a black guy to like. Their older brothers and sisters liked The Four Tops and The Supremes and "The Temps." But they all wore silly outfits, danced ridiculously as they sang, and weren't outlaws. So the hippies found Hendrix. Best of all, as Patti Smith sang, "Jimi Hendrix was a nigger!"

Patti, unaware of how much her song is a self-parody, sang for all the white girls out there who had a secret fantasy about the Boogie Man. All the white guys? The "nigger" is bad...and so Jimi with his frightening face, his Afro, his rumored big dick...was far more of a counter-culture hero than Clapton or any so-called troublemaker of the day. Even Dylan.

Janis Joplin? A screamer, nothing more. What made her famous was being slutty and drunk and bawling all over the place. Girls liked her because she was the ugly girl who made good. Guys liked her because who doesn't like a drunken slut? But aside from "Piece of My Heart," which was a song too good for anyone to ruin, she was pretty lousy. "Bobby McGee" doesn't hold up too well, na-na-na-na-na-na NO. Not at all.

Everybody gets behind the "tortured artist" who isn't having that much fun despite the fame and fortune, and when Janis OD'd, and on heroin instead of getting into a drunken car crash...whee, everybody was happy to immortalize her. Forever. And now SHE gets her own "Forever Stamp," which means that no matter how much the post office raises prices, you can always mail a letter with that stamp for the price you paid.

Yes, that leaves the third "J." Jim Morrison, aka Liz King. No question that despite having just as shady and repulsive a reputation as Janis and Jimi, the Post Office, in their desperation, will eventually join the Nazis and pay a tribute. Yeah, Liz King already had his pouty and poetic visage on a stamp over in Germany:

At least it looks like Germany. There are a lot of small, obscure, pointless countries that make some money by putting British and American stars on their stamps. It's such a ridiculous game. So I'm sure the good ol' U.S.A. will honor Liz King soon enough and complete the triumvirate of vulgarity. Morrison was a drunk who wrote lousy poetry, exposed himself, was more a posturer than a singer, and had a career that could fit on half a "greatest hits" album. "Light My Fire" and what? "Crystal Ship?" "Alabama Song?" He does have a similarity to Elvis, in that he was more a "face" than anything else, but Elvis had a few more sound-alike hits, huh? Jim was either doing the brood, or the ridiculous shout, and either way, one cut was enough. More than enough.

The Post Office has become as ridiculous as The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The only difference right now is that you have to be dead to get on a U.S. postage stamp. So how about Brian Wilson? Maybe he'll get on a stamp right now. He's sort of a zombie, more dead than alive.

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