GOOKER THE GAWKER DECIDED TO PORK HER

Quoting from THE WEBSITE:

"After we saw Gooker and his lads perform at a sold-out Windmill in Amsterdam, we journeyed to a pub to get smashed on beer. We knew that very soon, our Commodore would be coming by for the party in his honor. Happily, our "surprise guest" was ready to be unveiled! She was Hansi de Vagina,the most attractive prostitute in The Netherlands, weighing a svelte 15 stone. I'd seen her sitting in the window of a condemned building. I quickly phoned a few Porkoholics and they came over to affirm what I knew. As they strode merrily forward, singing "Conquist-a-Whore," one of them paused.

"He agreed with me: 'Mates, she'll be a fitting reward for putting up with us old impotent dicks! Look at that ripe fanny hanging open! Like a blood pudding gleaming in an abattoir! The pubic hair; why I haven't seen such bristles since I went warthog hunting in the wild bush of the Congo.'

"Shouting, "Shine On," one of them slid Vaseline all up and down the woman's salty twat, till it was absolutely shimmering. Making haste, if not paste, she was paid, hauled into a burlap sack, and spirited away. At just the right moment, as Gooker entered the pub, the blanket was removed and there she was, naked on the table.

"Our Leerless Feeder was shocked, unable at first to do more than mumble. Gradually he muttered that he didn't want to just look at her. He wanted to gooker, in other words, spray goo in the hooker. We all applauded and gave forth with convivial curse words that would've burned the ears off any editor at the Grimsby Telegraph.

"Always a gallant lad, and forever thinking of his fans, Gooker offered us first crack, but we were all so awash with fine, dark beer, that not even a round of Viagra could raise us into vaginal battle. And so it was, that we watched The Commodore go into action. He rammed his meaty pink face up against that sopping crotch, and bellowed a high note to gauge her twat-depth.

"The echo went on for several minutes, technically speaking, adagissimo and rather bisbigliando, before its decelerando. After this there was an amusing dissonant semitone downward in a contrapuntal intimo that can only be described as asphyxiating (considering that a major key fart, slightly diminished, but resembling a misty sienna cloud, escaped her anus at the same time).

"From there, our noble penile warrior, straining and grimacing with grit and determination, had his way with her, reaching a climax that almost broke his organ. We did notice a fissure at the organ, but when I mentioned it, Gooker became enraged.

"He collapsed, and it took a cold compress (Whitehorn dipping his hair in ice water and rubbing it on the Commodore's forehead and foreskin) to bring him around. What a splendid time it was! And each devoted guest only had to pay seven hundred and twenty five pounds each, covering the flight, hotel, a portion of the whore's fee, and the bus from the airport to the train to the bus to the cab and back.

"And so it was, that later, as the hooker wiped her tail, that she flexed her cum-stained pussy, and spewed some white stuff in a pail."