Vera Absurd: Rod is an ANT who should be DECKED

Huh?

The concepts of Knighthood and Royalty, which once defined a certain greatness in Great Britain, have become grotesque parody.

Jug-eared Prince Charles and big-nosed Diana sure sent a dose of reality into the fairy tale concept of what a Prince and Princess should look like. Then we had lunatics like Fergie awell.

The title "Sir," which denoted the days of King Arthur and his knights is now given to fuckhead rock idiots who could only lift an electric guitar, not a sword.

And THIS guy is knighted??

"Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" is worth a knighthood? Really? "Hot Legs?" This clown, still trying to live down a semen-guzzling rumor, is at the same level as Sir David Attenborough??

Rod's been a fucking joke for the past 30 years. Cover versions of the AMERICAN songbook? All of them boring? What's so great about that shit? How about the fact that you can't GIVE away his fucking CD's? They go from the dollar bin to the TRASH here.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, Faces was not much of a band, and the best song on the only album of theirs that I had (probably found in a thrift shop for a buck) was "You're So Rude." That track was sung by Ronnie Lane.

Itchy Tonsils' first two solo albums were supposed to be great examples of British Blooze. No, he was just another Brit stealing from the niggers, to put it blackly. Go listen to the REAL Delta guys, and Muddy this and Blind Boy that, and see how far off Rod really is. He had an interesting raspy voice but he wasn't very soulful. Tom Jones sounded blacker!

At this point, Rod's two solo albums, pretty good WAY BACK WHEN, are woefully dated.

What's so great about a cover of "Street Fightin' Man?" Didn't EVERYBODY cover Ewan MacColl's "Dirty Old Town?" Did he really sound like a "Man Of Constant Sorrow?" The highlight was his scornful twat put-down "Handbags and Gladrags," which is really third-rate Dylan, and another cover. I also remember some fucking idiotic, almost insulting song in which he pretended to be a blind guy; everybody picked on him, and he lost his dog. Pretty corny shit, now.

His "classic rock" album, before he sank into disco and crooning, was the less-than-profound "Every Picture Tells a Story." Yeah. So? Sounds like he got a bad fortune cookie. Maybe if it's a photo of Marie Lloyd ("Every Little Movement Has a Meaning All Its Own") it tells a story, but NOT a photo of Rod Stewart.

Once again, the fuckhead did a lot of covers, few better than the originals. Yes, there was novelty in hearing that scratchy, itchy voice, but his phrasing was not brilliantly soulful at all. Jesus, Elkie Brooks showed more soul on any outtake than this guy. And don't get me started on how STUPID the very concept of "Mandolin Wind" is. Way back when, to give him credit, I probably played some of the cuts from this album on my radio show. That is, if I felt like being kind to retards in the audience who were getting testy about my Zappa and Ono stuff, and playing Curved Air and Fanny and Boko Haram rather than stupid shit they were familiar with.

The super hit, which was a fantasy for any high school or college kid, was his nasty "Maggie May" song, no relation to the whore The Beatles sang about.

Just like the first album's "Handbags and Gladrags," this is pure misogyny. An ingrate scorns a MILF whose sluttiness isn't enough anymore. No, he learned all her tricks and now he's dumping her. Who's a clever boy, then?

After those two Mercury albums? Forget it.

Now he's a fucking KNIGHT?

As my blogger friend points out, this fuckhead doesn't even live in England. Hypocrite. He flies in for the honor, and laughs all the way back to America. Maybe he drops in on Elton so they can compare medals.

I suppose I should proudly have a glad-brag about this: "I've met a knight." In fact, two, at least. Before they were knighted. I did meet and speak briefly to Elton John at a party. And Rod? I was at Studio 54 once, and he was there. Coincidentally, I took pity on a friend who wanted to be a photographer, and both times, he was there. Both times, he fucked up. He took maybe three or four pix each time, and either the lens cap was on, or the flash didn't go off. Each roll had maybe two or three pictures amid the failures. By accident, there was a general shot of Rod, and one of Elton, where I happen to be in the background, not even looking at the camera. But I digress...

Giving knighthoods to rock stars seems absurd. They should retire knighthoods along with Royalty. It's of another age.

And what's all this, then?

It seems, from the newspaper babble, that aside from giving Rod the Mod a fucking Knighthood, minor CBE or OBE awards were given to people I never heard of. SOMETHING or other involved Vera Lynn, who is already a Dame. What did they do, make her a SUPER DAME, to raise her from the level of bulldog-faced Judi Stench? I didn't quite get why Vera Lynn was on the list. Why this year?

Ant and Dec, who seem to mc just about everything in Great Britain except diarrhea attacks at the Burger King loo in Grimsby, were awarded an OBE.

Do they share it? Does one of them have the O, the other the BE?

Have these guys ever uttered ONE quotable joke? They're pleasant, from what little I've seen of them (mostly BGT), but I barely know which is which. Ant is the ugly one, right? I figured an ant is ugly, so that's how I remember. But why an OBE? And why not a CBE? And why not just give these clods a can of alphabet soup so they can pull up their own favorite letters?

It's all absurd, that ordinary people (and Ant and Dec ARE very ordinary) should have titles after their names.

Pardon some home country bias, but America, land of the free, only had the Duke of Earl. And Duke Snider, a baseball player. We don't call somebody a Duke or an Earl because they have "breeding" or property. In America, you can be called doctor IF you put in all those fucking years. Otherwise, fuck off. NO special title before your name.

A high honor is winning the "Presidential Medal of Freedom," but it's just something noted in your resume. You don't have PMOF at the end of your name. He's not addressed as Presidential Medal of Freedom Bob Dylan.

Christ, if Rod Stewart makes the grade, in a few years, the assholes from Oasis will become Sirs. Maybe there will be Sir Morrissey. Sir Simon Cowell? When does it end? Dame Adele?