The Year Ends with SHIT NEWS - The Truth About Shit House Horst

Indeed, the tub of lard we dubbed "Eatin' Like a Horse" is "enjoying" NYC.

But only the way any dull techie drone could enjoy it. Not by having sex. Not by being with a fellow traveler. Just by riding a fucking escalator or an elevator. Just by taking a video of other people walking around in Times Square.

He came to NYC alone. It's not because he's a curmudgeon or a loner, he's just a LOSER. Nazi-land to America, that's a LONG way to go by yourself. Don't you even pair up for safety's sake? Find SOMEBODY to share a room with and reduce expenses?

Nobody wants anything to do with him.

The fact that this squinty piece of shit had to bunk up in a pathetic HOSTEL by himself uptown speaks for itself. Nobody wants anything to do with him and he probably pestered quite a few of his kraut pals.

Now he's posted another ludicrous and boring souvenir of how he wastes his useless life...

As we hope that 2017 gives us better things to do, we end THIS year by exposing this dimwit for WHO HE REALLY IS.

Yah, MR. LANGE, you're just another nobody with a website and a mediocre resume.

Despite always dressing up with a fucking bowtie, you're still one ugly pig, and it's doubtful you could say or do ANYTHING that 100 dozen other techies couldn't do better. You're obviously just scraping along, keeping up the idiotic GooTube "unwrapping" nonsense, thinking you'll impress a company into giving you freebies, or, JESUS CHRIST, hiring you to be a consumer affairs reporter for a TV station.

The conceit of this guy, given his unappetizing blobby body, his creepy face and his demented squint, makes him even more ridiculous than Shauna or Saskia. THEY aren't 48. HE is still trying to impress people with a bland website, dopey GOOTUBE postings, and all the rest of the amateur bullshit.

Like Shauna especially, he puts his name on every free NETWORKING site there is. SHIT NEWS is just that. It's no big honor to be there. PS, that photo he uses is NOT exactly how he looks these days, is it?

LASTLY, a few translations from his various attempts at making himself seem worth hiring.

Nope, you won't find anything if you Google him as HORST. But, ick, ick, ewwww, ha ha ho ho hee hee, there's plenty to cringe OR laugh about when you type in his actual business name, and see his idiotic blog ("website" he wants to call it?) which is just as stupid as his fucking GOOTUBE channel. As you can tell, FATBOY is not only a jerk about techie trinkets, and unwrapping garbage, he's always haunting restaurants and food stores and would only wish he could make a living reviewing eateries. Maybe he'll get a chance to write about an abbatoir, and do a follow-up piece from the pig's point of view.

Shauna Swallows...GRIMSBY GIRLS DON'T

Another contest that Cilla Blackledge claims The Grimsby Telegraph was running? "Cumshot Of the Year."

She explains:

"The Grimsby editors are so used to giving plugs to bad restaurants, they don't know the difference between fish and chips and shit and piss. I think both the male and female staffers have taken cum loads in the face. It's the Grimsby way. While Shauna Cuntwill is notorious for swallowing, the fashion in Grimsby is to WEAR IT."

When Cilla's days of contributing to the "Tell-a-Laugh" ended, she took her portfolio of Grimsby cumshot girls with her.

Their loss is our gain.

The three finalists!

First: Jill TZ.

"She only used the first two letters of her odd Polish name," says Cilla. "Sad story, this. She met a guy named Hans in an internet forum, and he swore that he'd ONLY cum in HER face. Well, it turned out he was splooging just about every twit and twat in the forum. Poor Jill. She's never gotten over it. In fact she shut down the forum, and has shut her mouth. She won't blow anyone OR let anyone wank in her face. So this is a very historic photo! It's the death knell for Jill's facials!

Second: Maisie Rebel

This cheerful imbecile thinks it's just hilarious the way a penis suddenly spurts out a load of goo. She can't get enough of these downloads. She was notorious for not even keeping track of the downloads. She'd crawl out of a bar sopping with penile suds, laughing like a hillbilly after chugging a pint of Jack Daniels. She chugged Jack's, Daniel's, and everybody's. Here, she laughs off the cries of "Drunken white trash whore," as she pisses into a garbage bucket.

Third: Poppy Popup

She calls herself Poppy Popup because she is always ready when a dick pops up, and then pops off. "Le cum," as she calls it (she's French) gets her into a lather. Here, she wears a load from her boyfriend Pinocchio (so named for having a stuff that grows big every time she sucks him off or plays Ye-Ye girl 60's singles on her boom box). The cum obscures her little lip tattoo of a black butterfly.

Poppy likes having semen shot into her mouth, or as close to it as possible. Pinocchio once got hard three times in one night, and plastered her mouth three times with almost equal puddles of semen. Magnifique! "Every time hitting my mouth," she marvels. She says it was Deja Vu.

AHA! The reason HORST is in NYC! The end of a shitty DELI

Now it makes sense.

Why did that lumbering bratwurst Eatin-Like-a Horst get a haircut, trim his ratty beard and come to NYC?

To witness THE END OF THE FAMOUS CARNEGIE DELI!

Take a look at that pile of shit they call a sandwich.

It's the famous "Heart Attack on a Plate."

IF I'M BEING HONEST, Jews are smart EXCEPT when it comes to eating. When it comes to eating, they are stupid. They have this fetish for DELI FOOD. They get erections just SMELLING a deli when they walk in. Yes, even the women: "Oy, moy clit iz poking moy panty! Oy wet moyself, tooooo."

The stink of a deli is a peculiarly primal thing. It's RAW meat, because the roast beef has to be RARE and DRIPPING BLOOD.

While Kipling talked about the exotic smells On The Road to Mandalay, which include garlic, in a deli, it's the brackish stench of saurkraut. It's pickled EVERYTHING from olives to tomatoes. Ironically, the actual deli pickles are usually "half sour." Jews like 'em crispy and not completely decimated into a limp piece of slime.

HOW...STUPID...ARE JEWS when it comes to these fucking delis? Well, Jews are supposed to be among the cheapest people on Earth. Yet, delis are among the most expensive restaurants on Earth. Considering the ambience is crap, the waiters are all old freakish men with gigantic noses and ears, and you're lucky to get a tablecloth, WHAT THE FUCK are the high prices about?

They're about stupid rich Jews (oh, of the Al Goldstein variety, or Jewish comedians, or obnoxious rich lawyers and accountant schmucks) who like to brag that they can AFFORD deli food. They'd feel out of place in a real restaurant where they can't tuck their napkin into the neck of their shirt, or talk in a normal tone of voice. In the old days, you could also light up an obnoxious fat cigar and puff away.

If you Google a menu from the Carnegie Deli, you'd be shocked at the prices they got away with. OK, in the Bronx or Brooklyn, and maybe the Lower East Side, you could go get a kosher frankfurter or a knish and the price was reasonable. You could buy a Dr. Brown Celery Tonic or get an egg cream, and you'd still be able to take the subway home. But midtown?

The Carnegie and the already dead Stage Delicatessen were located just off Broadway. Carnegie was ironically near Carnegie Hall on 57th, while the Stage (once owned and operated by a short, squat malaprop named Max Asnas) was a few blocks further downtown. While they were a little bit too much of a walk for jerks in the actual garment district (34th Street) these joints were perfect for Jewish businessmen (Levy, the goniff from Roulette Records probably ate there) tourists and of course, SHOW PEOPLE.

Getting back to HOW...STUPID...ARE JEWS, the big feature in both places was the OVERSTUFFED sandwich. So overstuffed you'd have to have a yappy mouth the size of Phil Silvers (the blessed Sgt. Bilko, of MUSEUM fame) to tussle with one. Jews thought they were getting SUCH a fucking bargain. BUT, they were PAYING FOR IT. Morons. All they saw was this huge obscene mound of flesh, and NOT the check, which they dismissed with the wave of a credit card.

Woody Allen liked the joke about the two old Jewish bags. They go into a restaurant (not a deli). One says, "The food here is terrible." The other says, "And such small portions!"

In an actual deli, stupid Jews, who aren't exactly known for being epicures anyway, would say, "The food isn't that special...BUT LOOK AT THE PORTIONS!"

Christ. Deli food. Tongue. The only place you can get a tongue sandwich. Pastrami on rye. And on and on.

No cheeseburger, though! Ha. Kosher. Can't mix dairy and meat or G-d would strike you dead.

Yeah, been in both places, AND Katz's on the Lower East Side. A big SO and WHAT.

So here comes Eatin-Like-a Horst. He's heard about the legendary GERMAN delicatessens of New York, run by those German Jews. Ach! Gotta join the big line outside the Carnegie, to boast "I ate there on the LAST DAY!"

There's some talk about "saving" the fucking deli. That some "angel" might put up millions to buy it and keep it going. The truth is, the rents are sky high, the Jews are dying off (six million thanks to people such as Horst's grandparents) and fewer and fewer care about this crap. What Jews are left tend to be health-conscious. Big fat sandwiches are out of fashion. Salads! Lean cuts of meat! Smaller portions! And let's not forget that Jews absolutely love Chinese food. Indian food isn't bad either, and a lot of Indian restaurants are, oddly enough, kosher.

Did Horst manage to waddle over to Carnegie in time or were there too many idiots already on line? Guess we'll have to wait to see what he posts on GOOTUBE...

And So This is Chris Dead...

Oh, gee. A mediocre baseball catcher just made it into the 2016 death roll.

Chris...who? Chris Mass?

No, no. If I remember right (and I'm not Googling) Chris was one of the first catchers when the New York Mets became a baseball team in 1962. Expansion teams never do well, even if they have New York money behind them, and the Mets were legendarily inept through the 60's. Like "Dem Bums," the Brooklyn Dodgers, they were beloved no matter what. Memorabilia on anyone who EVER played for the Mets or Yankees is collectible. (Although being in pinstripes, on the YANKEES is MORE collectible than being a Met). If you're some Huelbig with stitches in your fucking skull that look like a baseball, you have to either have your photo taken with EVERY team member, or have an autograph.

CANNIZARO. That's a long last name to write. That, and being a nobody who bounced around to several teams before retiring, means that he's actually a bit pricier than one would expect. Even a shitty 3x5 card is high priced for what it is. He should be in the $1 or $2 range, not $10.

Funny, how some curmudgeon who didn't like to sign anything, or some obscure guy who was rarely asked, can be more expensive than an average good player who was affable with fans.

$39 for a fucking signed photo or ball? FUCK OFF. But rare is rare, and who knows, when word gets out that he croaked, and there will be NO MORE SIGNINGS, the price might even go up.

ALSO: a photo of the player wearing his METS or YANKEES uniform in the photo, will easily be DOUBLE the price than one where he's in the outfit of a lesser team. Chris with a Braves hat on? You can see, THOSE are the $10 cheapies. It isn't just having the autograph, it's having it on a piece of METS r YANKEES memorabilia, not some fucking city nobody cares about, like Atlanta.

On the other side of the pond, another footnote is going six feet under. Sid Bernstein. Er, no, no. Williams. Same thing, really. Most true Beatles fans (ones who have actually read some books on them, and collected some rarities) have heard the two names, and have not been impressed. After all, what are they? Businessmen. And what did they do? They eventually got replaced.

Both of them have turned up on the slightly more in-depth documentaries only real Beatles fans bothered to see. The late Mr. Bernstein was better known in America because he lived in NYC and was always promoting himself as the guy who brought The Beatles to concert venues. But what the fuck could he say besides that? He didn't exactly hang with the Fab Four.

Mr. Williams did remain in Liverpool, so that made him easily available for anyone who had a GOOD reason to talk to him, but what could he say? "I managed them when they were rotten." If not rotten, well, put it this way, WHO plays "My Bonnie" and the other Hamburg stuff, or has been able to sit through the Cavern tapes more than once or twice out of curiosity? So what could the guy talk about? Just enough to be a good sound byte a few times, if he had something to say about Stu "the original 5th Beatle" or maybe Lennon's temper.

I'm not sure if Bernstein was as much of a local celeb as Williams. First off, NYC has so many celebs, and ones easily recognizable, that mere businessmen don't mean much. But both guys bring up the anxious dilemma: what, WHAT do you say to them that hasn't already been asked? You want to acknowledge them in some way, but what way? This is even more of a problem when the person (Williams, not Bernstein) is known to be a curmudgeon.

Oh the anxiety of being around a semi-celebrity. This brings me back to unMerry Chris Dead. No doubt it was whispered in whatever neighborhood HE lived in, "That guy was once a major league ballplayer!" Oh. Well. Er. Maybe I should get his autograph. Maybe I should SAY something to him! Say what? "Er, what was your favorite moment when you played baseball 40 fucking years ago?" Was there one?

Deaths of people like Chris and Mr. Williams do signify the continuing passing of time, and a wistful feeling their their lives NEARLY were a success. Chris could've been an all-star if there weren't about ten better catchers around. Imagine if Williams had guided The Beatles to the top. Chris WAS a ballplayer, not a good one. Wiliams WAS a manager, but lacked the skills and the spark to bring his band to the top. They will be missed. Mostly by their immediate families.

Moronic Ho's On Da Front Page of da Daily Snooze

No, I have NO idea who either of these lame bitches are.

The charisma-challenged moron on the left is lucky anyone is taking her picture. There are better looking skanks at the Ghetto Gaggers website, sucking white cock for meth money. What's so great about her and her rabbit-pellet hair style?

The other boring photo? Christ, the "looking at myself while I take a selfie" BORE AGAIN.

What's so surprising about that outfit, or her dumb expression? You can Google a zillion photos just like that.

WHY is this shit on the FRONT PAGE of the paper's website?

Saying something NICE about the Grimsby Telegraph, THEY WOULDN'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS. NOT YET.

When they do, they'll show a few snapshots of the far side of a bedroom wall: which is how Polish women take selfies, holding the camera backwards.

The Grimsby Telegraph Creative Writing Contest Nominees

Cilla Blackledge, still boycotting the paper where she used to contribute, will NOT let them run her photos.

These includes the finalists in their "Creative Writing Contest."

According to Cilla, "It's just as well I publish them here. Their website is loaded with spam contents, they are Fascists about what they allow or don't allow, and besides, nobody on the staff is literate enough to judge creative writing."

One judge who volunteered, Roland Clack, a schoolmarm in Bristol, got on everyone's nerves by coming up with all kinds of idiotic rules. He also pointed out that "Some of the girls did NOT actually WRITE on their bodies themselves. They had help! Shouldn't we have a separate category for those that had men write on them, and maybe another for how the penmanship is? And an automatic winner if the penmanship matches up to Keith Reid manuscripts? Or my doctor's prescription for my Xanax and Midol?"

The ferret-faced pest was thrown into the street.

Our first contestant?

Dee Javoo.

She was asked the name of the guy she met on the Internet. She didn't remember. "He had some silly name, like Zab or Hans. He took me home and tried to impress me by downloading the entire Beach Boys discography free. I said, "Who the fuck are the Beach Boys?" He began to cry. I tried to cheer him up by stripping my top off. He cried even more. I guess he's a latent homo or something. The more he cried, the more I laughed."

Our second contestant?

Joni Chapple

Joni, convinced she has a career in journalism, apprenticed by starting a forum where she wrote about psych music. One of her longest essays was: "Man, Zappa. What a freak."

Joni hoped to get a job at the BBC by being a whore and taking it up the ass by any and all staffers. The BBC saw the writing on her ass, and complained this was a misuse of their trademark word, "Whore."

They contacted Cilla Blackledge threatening to file suit. She said go ahead. So, they are sending over a suit (and even a tie) so that Joni remains dressed until "BBC WHORE" washes off in the shower. "Ha ha," says Cilla, "Joni hasn't taken a shower in years!"

Our third contestant?

Saskia Trivial-Bore

"I am SO proud of myself," says Saskia. "I think I have the best lettering. Isn't it nice that I am so flat-chested? That way there's no distortion on "SUCKED OFF." I usually have the guy tie my hands behind my back, because I'm proud that I don't do that cheating thing of sucking the tip while jerking off the shaft to make the guy cum faster. I take my time, because sucking on cock helps lubricate my throat. For this picture, Shauna Cuntwell tied my wrists. She needed about ten tries, since she's as good with rope as she is with guitar strings.

Like Shauna Cuntwell, I swallow. My voice is so smooth because of all the semen I drink. On a Saturday night, after I've busked a bit in a local bar, I go to the men's room and milk ten or twenty guys into a Tupperware bowl. That gives me my Sunday night dessert treat. I whip up the semen into a lovely merengue. I sprinkle in some Bird's Dessert, chill, and spoon it down while listening to "Come All Ye Faithful" on the Joan Baez Christmas album.

Asked who she thought should have won the creative writing contest, IF the Grimsby Telegraph had completed it, Cilla Blackledge shook her head. "None of 'em. ME. I have a tattoo on the knuckles of either hand."

She showed her left and then her right: "FUCK" and "OFF."

Horst is a Downer

We have learned something new about Squinty-eye Horst.

He's a DOWNER. He's so fucking FAT he can't ride an escalator going UP. He can only do it going DOWN.

He's also not very original about posting a fucking idiotic escalator ride on GooTube. Some other Nazi did it four years ago, to no great interest.

What the FUCK is the matter with this guy, you ask.

A good question. With all the things to do in New York City, he's hit upon some corny crap. He stood in Times Square and took bad fast-motion images of the BUSY TOURISTS.

Did he know that just one block to the west, he could've actually seen naked women? Yes, 8th Avenue still has "live girls" in glass booths. Of course if they saw his ugly fucking face, they might drop deader than Carrie and Debbie.

The idea is to get on one side of the glass booth and TALK via phone to the girl on the other side, but this dunce doesn't seem to know even one word of English.

I think even low-class nudie girls know the basics words of every language. In this case, NEIN, NEIN, MEIN NARR. (No no, my fool!)

But back to Macy's.

What kind of dullard IS he, that he looked through his fucking Fodor's, and was desperate to go for a ride in the old Macy's escalator?

Macy's has managed to preserve a vintage escalator in ONE part of their gigantic store. The rest of the store (this IS the world's biggest department store and occupies a very big and full CITY BLOCK) has more modern escalators throughout. Gee, they also have ELEVATORS in case you're in a hurry. But our swine Horst is fascinated that these escalators have wooden slats. Not that he took a close-up of them. Oliver, the kraut who posted a video FOUR YEARS AGO, did give us a closer look at the slats. This was too much for Fats. He couldn't bend over, could he!

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I was not aware that Macy's escalators were a big tourist attraction. It's sort of novel and mildly amusing that these things are still running. Yes, you ride on it, and you might pause to think these things were around in the 40's when Edmund Gwenn was starring in "Miracle on 34th Street" as Macy's Santa Claus. It's hardly the most exciting thing you can do. Wow: here's an escalator that has wooden slats. Would this even impress a Dutchman wearing wooden clogs?

It sure impressed a pig wearing leather shoes.

Cilla's Nostalgic Photograph from a few years ago in Grimsby

Debbie Does...Cardiac Arrest

It seems that already the thinking is that Debbie Reynolds didn't have a stroke; she had a heart attack. In other words, she died of a broken heart.

I know, that's a very TABLOID bit of overly-dramatic CRAP.

But...it's possible.

After all, as that crack medical team The Bee-Gees once noted, "how can you mend a broken heart?" Not in the E.R.

Then again, WHO the fuck believes something from Dr. LaPook????

He just might be a guy who likes seeing his name in the paper. Not saying it couldn't be true, Pookie, but can we get a second opinion by somebody who doesn't have a silly name? "Calling Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard, Dr. Howard..."

Fag Wenner Calls On the Spin Puppy

Rolling Stone.

Ugh. They had to jump on the fagwagon, offering "The 20 Essential George Michael" songs, with analysis!

Worse, there were several MORE moronic articles on this ridiculous pop fop. Rob Sheffield had to headline a "think piece" by proclaiming: "WHY GEORGE MICHAEL WAS A POP VISIONARY."

Yeah? Wenner put you up to this?

The very title suggests that NOBODY THOUGHT HE WAS ANYTHING MORE THAN A TRENDY FOOL, and that WHAM was as forgettable as The Ohio Express a decade earlier, and Michael's solo work as unimportant as the collected works of Eric Carmen.

Rolling Stone and Creem, Circus and the rest, always had that "I'm your Big Brother, I'll hip you to what you should like" condescending attitude. We're SO unhip, after all. Out of touch. Needing to read THE WORD.

OK, let's see a few chunks of this shit, Rob.

In Rob's case, this young (20-something I think, certainly not too many years over 30) fellow is going to tell us OLD folks, and us prog rock and REAL rock fans, why a glamour-pussy stubble-encrusted 80's $$$ machine is not only still relevant, but VISIONARY.

Sure, start off with a big fat DAMN IT, because, duuuuuude, this is SUCH bad news. Georgy-Girl was, what, STILL charting? STILL making disco fanboys and idiot teen girls tremble in the knees?

Keep going, Robby-baby, I'm still NOT CONVINCED.

Oh, ENOUGH. Or, FUCK and OFF.

Isn't it just pathetic the way "journalists" have to try and make excuses why the drivel THEY grew up with matters?

Christ, even people who grew up in the 60's aren't defending Frankie Avalon and Bobby Rydell. But maybe that's because there were alternatives, and in the 80's, there was mostly garbage from idiots like Georgy-Girl. You can only imagine how much worse it's gonna get when SERIOUS ROCK JOURNALISTS start writing think-pieces about Hoobastank, Smashmouth and Adele.

Johnny, How Do You Style Your Hair?

Ha ha USA TODAY There are Many Ways to Get Around AD BLOCKER - You Jerks Can STARVE

Gee, some of the dull stupid websites out there can sense "AD BLOCKER."

Too bad there are many other ways of hacking a site's content, like it OR NOT.

Hey USA TODAY, I didn't see you running a lot of articles about music piracy. I didn't see you pointing out how EBAY rips people off and sells counterfeits. NOW you want sympathy and those precious pennies from "traffic."

FUCK and OFF. Anything you stick on your site can be seen ANYWAY, and it's all being copied and re-written by DECIDER and SCHMUCKER and FUCKER AND BOOTLEGGER and THE PLAGIARIST.

Go ahead, staffers, sit around sucking your Starbucks and wait for the pink sheet. Your days are through. The government is never going to pass laws to protect copyright, and there will ALWAYS be new gimmicks for people to watch or download content. The Internet, don't you know, likes FREEEEEE.

Johnny, You Suck!

Oh, the average instructional GooTube video has some boring, tedious idiot describe what to do.

Johnny SINGS the instructions! He doesn't need any wind instruments behind him. He IS a wind instrument.

In opera, you SING the words. That's what Johnny did.

In his oh-so-special a cappella way, he SANG the instructions, opera style:

"In order to suck a beagle's dick, shut your big stupid mouth! It's hard for ME to ever shut MY BIG STUPID MOUTH! BUT! Take a LOOK! See? SEE! Watch me! I'm closing down my mouth to a small O. That's all you do! A small o. Get down on all fours, and suck. If you are LUCKY. If you are OH SO LUCKY, if you clamp your small mouth tight, the dog will start humping your face! Yes HUMPING YOUR FACE and he'll do all the work. Then all you'll do is a Shauna Cuntwell swallow!"

Then, singing a cappella he offered this charming and cheerful ditty:

The moon is right
My penis up
I'm here tonight
To suck a pup.
SIMPLY HAVING A WONDERFUL DOG DICK TIME!
SIMPLY HAVING A WONDERFUL DOG DICK TIME!

The party's on
CUM one and all
Just close your mouth
And make it small
SIMPLY SUCKING A WONDERFUL BEAGLE DICK
SIMPLY SUCKING A WONDERFUL BEAGLE DICK
[chorus]

Once you have swallowed, sing along:
Ding dong, DOG DONG
Cute dog, farts too!
Ooo ooo toot toot toot toot toot!

The dog dick shines
with quite a glare
It lifts its leg
And sprays my hair
SIMPLY HAVING A CUM-HELMET CHRISTMAS TIME
LOVE THAT DRIED SPLOOGE! WONDERFUL BEAST-SUCK TIME!

FUR Chrissake - Cowardly Judges Corrupt In Coddling the Fur Industry

You know what a privileged college kid got for raping a drunk girl behind a dumpster?

A shrugging "Boys will be Boys" from his Daddy, and a mere 60 day sentence from the admiring judge. After all, the girl wasn't even awake when she was fucked, so what are her damages?

All over the country, all over the world, people are raped, punched, kicked, even killed, and they serve NO time at all. The insane Durst, who was on the run from charges he killed his wife, murdered his next door neighbor in some sleazy Texas town he was hiding in. He CUT UP THE BODY. He insisted, based on no witnesses or evidence, that the old neighbor had threatened him and he acted in self-defense. He was acquitted.

BUT FUCK WITH THE FUR INDUSTRY?

Two years in jail. $500,000 in "restitution." Let that be a lesson! How DARE you be activists! Let's clamp down on ACTIVISTS! Especially ones that symbolically free animals and stand up for animal rights.

Got that? BURNS the judge didn't think sentencing a woman to SIX MONTHS in jail was enough. No no, not for what she did to the poor poor FUR store, and a bunch of assholes raising minks. He rejected the plea. Make that woman sit in the slammer for TWO FUCKING YEARS.

The woman is a "terrorist" against an "INDUSTRY." As opposed to being a terrorist against people, a rioter looting an electronics store, a bunch of gays stopping traffic all day to screech "we're here and we're here."

In response to organizations such as PETA, and individuals who are ONLY doing with the NIGGERS do, what the MUZZIES do, what them damn KIKES and FAGS do...a law was passed specifically to protect the useless FUR INDUSTRY.

Let's mention THERE IS NO REASON TO WEAR FUR. NONE. Synthetic coats are warmer. It's all about VANITY.

Ironic, isn't it, that if you iz a Nigga, and you riot and destroy a store entirely, you get no jail, pay no restitution, and everyone shrugs and says "oh well, the store was insured."

If you're a fag, you can scream "we're here and we're QUEEEEEEEER" and throw a hissy fit and break windows and disrupt a business, and at best you get a charge of "disorderly conduct," which usually doesn't even include a fine or a day in jail. There was a "Gay Pride" protest in NYC last year that did more than hurt one jerk's fur store. The stoppage of traffic all day impacted on messengers, on transit, on tourists getting around...it did untold MILLIONS in damages but nobody was arrested or fine.

But ANIMAL RIGHTS? Ho ho ha ha hee hee, YOU sensitive souls, YOU have nobody to stand up for you. YOU are made an example of. "Don't you DARE spray paint a store, or let some animals loose..."

The Black Panthers are now lauded as a bunch of legendary humanitarians. They walked around with machine guns. They did a lot of damage. But the excuse is they had to get violent. Riots, civil disobedience, even acts of terrorism are tolerated and even cheered, IF the targets don't happen to be affluent fur merchants.

We see all the time, that the best way to be taken seriously is to get SERIOUSLY VIOLENT, and if needed, take the law into your own hands. Then you get your way. The Blacks knew it. The Gays knew it. They were admired for it.

Animal Rights groups that advocate for humane treatment of poultry, clean conditions for animals, and an end to the ridiculous fur trade? These groups are made up mainly of sensitive white people, and they can easily be pushed into a jail cell. Some woman with a spray can? SHE can be taken down. She lifts a latch and lets some minks escape? SHE can be treated like a rioter. Actual rioters? You see the cops stand by and let the abuse happen, because the rioters are members of some dangerous minority group.

Just how far do laws PROTECTING the fur industry go? Far enough to also protect the big farm industries that pollute the land. I'm talking about PIG SHIT in the rivers, for example. Far enough to protect unscrupulous raisers of chicken and cattle who are not only cruel and vicious to the animals, but create unsanitary environments were "downed" cattle are pushed to slaughter even if they are defective, and diseased chickens are brought to market leaving hundreds of people sick enough to need treatment.

Thanks to laws to discourage ANIMAL RIGHTS protests, whistleblowers can be arrested and sent off to jail for years and years, and bankrupted by fines, for "trespassing" and taking pictures of dangerous conditions on farms.

Yes, America, which was founded on protest and free speech, has enacted laws specifically aimed at preventing whistleblowers from even PHOTOGRAPHING dangerous and cruel conditions. Walk onto the property of some redneck pig farmer, and snap some photos of how he treats his animals, and you could be bankrupted and stuck in a prison cell.

OK, we don't want to condone vandalism, or trespassing, but why are the sentences so much more severe than those for rape, assault or even murder? That's the fur industry and the food industry paying off politicians.

America was founded on revolt. The Founding Fathers literally went violent rather than remain under British rule. They were technically breaking the law. They were rebels with a cause. Now? Now it's "shut up, pay fines and/or go to jail," if your cause happens to be animal rights.

If you kill a human, you can claim self defense and get away with it. Rape a woman and you can claim she consented. Plenty of wiggle room, but not for animals kept penned up in their own shit, loaded up with drugs, killed in the cruelest ways possible, and in the case of the fur industry, being abused out of pointless greed and vanity.

Hey Fat Amy, wanna start a GoFundMe campaign to help out these two activists? Nah, fat lady, you're too busy chomping a hamburger, parading around in a fur coat, and giving Kickstarter money to makers of novelty toys and games.

Mr. Simon, Garbage People get Garbage News

My thoughts are with little ol' Paul Simon at the moment.

His take on newspapers: "They're just out to capture my dime."

At one time, newspapers gave you ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT, and a newspaper was an education. Now that a newspaper is just "infotainment" at best and "entertainment" at worst, it panders to the LOWEST OF THE LOW.

When I was 10, politics meant nothing to me, and movie stars, TV stars and sports figures were important. Too bad that's now how ADULTS are. The Snooze website, which expects to get ad money so that one day there won't even BE a real newspaper version, has THIS for their front page:

WHAT? The lead story is about DELETED TWEET?

Next, a look at the ugly mongrel combo of a male Kardashian (WHO CARES) and one of those freakish simians cooked up in a plastic surgery lab.

And...let's just say it's JANUARY, baseball season doesn't start for several months, A-Rod is retired, and WHO CARES ABOUT HIS SLUT BITCH PUBLICITY-HUNGRY DAUGHTER?

Below that? A lurid death story that has no meaning for anyone but the woman's family, and the latest antics of a rap-monkey. Sure, anything RAPPERS do is important because their fans are dumb fucks easily lured into paying attention to crap.

I don't expect every day to hear about Trump, or the death toll in the Middle East, but is THIS really the most important things happening in the world? It is to morons.

As to the front page? Oh, it's a COLLECTORS EDITION, I'm sure. Copies are probably on EBAY right now.

"HER HEART BROKE."

Well, why not wait for the autopsy?

The EMT squad thought it was a stroke. Either way, of course, there's no doubt that an old woman sitting and planning the funeral for her daughter, suddenly dead of heart attack, COULD be under enough stress for a vein in the brain to snap, or the heart to give out.

But Simon, who was married to the dead daughter, would say "they're just out to capture my dime," because you KNOW a bunch of cynical 20-somethings, some of 'em unpaid interns, were sitting around the BIG DESK thinking, "How do we SELL this story?"

Right, make it a real weeper.

"Come on, what should we put on the front page?"

"Tragedy in Tinsel Town!" "Debbie Couldn't Carrie On!" "Reynolds Wrapped!" "Debbie Does Dying!" "First Princess Leia and now Tammy!" "The Mother and Child Reunion is Only a Motion Away!"

AH, another Paul Simon line, that one. But who heard of THAT guy? He's not Trey Songz.

"HER HEART BROKE."

Yes, and among the heartbroken...all students of Journalism.

Eatin' Like a Pig

Before he came to New York, our beefy-faced Nazi pal Mr. Horst got a WONDERFUL mail order item.

It was from the PIG OF THE MONTH club.

He unboxed it for ALL to see.

Translating from his husky, breathy German gasping:

"How lucky I am, dat MEIN PIGGY arrived a few days before mein trip to New York! I vas able to EAT DA WHOLE THING before I left!

"With my squinty bad eye, I vas not sure I could find der German part of Manhattan. If dere still IS one. You know, dey have had TWO Jewish mayors in recent history, Bloomberg and Koch, so I am sure dey tried to zone away der German district! Maybe der new Mayor, Bill De Blasio, actually born WARREN WILHELM, can do something about dis!

"I heard dat der Yorkville, where the Marx Brothers grew up, is "gentrified." Does dat mean Bobbie Gentry lives dere? I doubt it, because if she did Bill Hoobastank would've found her to get a photo op. Anyhoo, I have heard dat Chinatown is reduced to only a few blocks and most Asians moved to Queens, dat Little Italy is shrunk to only a few blocks, and there is no German district. Yorkville is mostly for der Yuppies. Dere are only a few of de old German stores left, like Schaller & Weber, the butcher shop. Dere isn't even Luchow's, a famous German tourist trap restaurant! So how could I be sure to get a pig like DIS ONE?

"Anyhoo, der pig vas nice und pink und bloody und I ate it raw. Der mail order place included what were either sausages made from der pig's feet, or maybe just turds der frightened pig splooted out before it vas slaughtered. Dey were good too!

"Der only disappointment? I gouged out der pig's eye, and tried to get a doctor to replace mein squinty one with it. He said it was not possible. I said "Yah, yeah, it IS possible!" And he shook his head and laughed and said "In a pig's eye!"

"Well, yes, I said, and here's der pig's eye! Insert it!"

"Yah. He shoved it up my ass. And let me tell you, it did not work in there. I told der doctor, "I don't see myself getting much use out of dis eye." He said, "No shit!" And I said, "Oops, yes, shit," as it plopped onto der floor of his office. I said to him, "Auf Weidersehn." And he said, "Oaf, you are INSEHN!"

The Miserable Muzzie Shares an Instagram

The world mourns these peculiar Arab fags. What part of the anal world was fake-named Freddie Mercury from? And yeah, "George Michael?"

Notice, neither of them, in their lifetime, seemed to want to acknowledge their dark and disturbing roots as members of vicious ethnic groups. Nope. They were very happy (make that GAY) to pretend they were British through and through. Born in the UK. With faked up Anglo names.

They both styled themselves to look the exact opposite of the average goat-fucker.

Georgy-Girl's "partner," who has a name only Princess Diana could love, has been mincing all over social media. He's been doing interviews with everyone and of course, doing INSTAGRAM. Why? To let the world know who is going to get all those WHAM bucks, and to also put out the "available" sign. Here's another rich Muzzie, guyyyyssss. Just be pretty and pretty soon, you could be fucked till the hummus plops out of yer anus.

Mr. Fuckwad has alerted the world that as much of a slut as Georgy-Girl was, he was IN a RELATIONSHIP. So let's not have the same situation as with Prince. Hey everyone, all future estate earnings and royalties to to Mr. Fuckwad!

You know what was the worst part of this story?

That in checking it out, a fucking VIDEO instantly opened up.

WHY IS THIS NOW THE FUCKING TREND ON EVERY FUCKING WEBSITE?

You click to see an article, and the first thing you see if a VIDEO.

Is it because nobody is literate? "Oh, we can't expect people to READ articles anymore. No attention span for THAT. Here's what we do. We have a fucking VIDEO play. That way, the idiots will stay on the page longer, to stare at it, or try to get it to STOP.

The story is on Georgy-Girl's PARTNER, and yet there's some fucking concert footage I have to be distracted by?

I've also noticed that even if the website is NOT an actual part of a TV network (like CNN or BBC), there will STILL be some fucking fake news broadcast popping up. Some newspapers are actually aping being news networks. They get some jerk from the mailroom to narrate some stock footage, or a set of pictures, and we're all supposed to sit and watch. Hey, if I wanted to watch TV, I'd watch TV.

The only worse news of the day, besides the tripe about THIS idiot, or Carrie Fisher, is the unfortunate tragedy in New York City. "Eat Like a" Horst is in town.

This is toxic pollution. This is almost terrorism. And yes, WHAT THE FUCK is with this Nazi? Every day more and more SCHLEISSE arrives in the mail that he unboxes and squints at, and somehow he has the money to come to New York City? WHO the fuck would pay a fat ugly monster like this to do ANYTHING? Or is he a hit man? Maybe he's going to blow something up.

He ain't stayin' anywhere too fancy, is he? NOPE. Most any tourist stays in a hotel that's within walking distance of the attractions. There are plenty of hotels in the 40's and 50's. There are also tons of hotels that opened further downtown to fleece tourists who want to see the Statue of Liberty and the World Trade Center. From there, it's a quick bus or train to midtown and the theaters and shopping shit.

But "Eat Like a" Horst breathlessly (he IS fat) shows us his shitty hostel-like room up on 103rd Street. Harlem is more within walking distance! In fact, walk just 10 blocks uptown, and you could get your fat German ass kicked. Walk 20 blocks downtown, and and you still haven't seen anything worth seeing. Another few blocks before you get to the Museum of Natural History, and another five to reach The Dakota. Meanwhile his idiot is whirling his cellphone camera around so you can see that his room has a toilet.

He posts a moronic video of what it looks like in Times Square if you're on uppers?

He set up a tripod and even brought along some fucking program so he could add AWFUL MUSIC.

Seems like this guy does everything ALONE. He didn't have anyone come with him? He didn't even set up the tripod and waddle in front of the camera to prove he was actually in New York City?

Who the FUCK wants to see idiots flitting back and forth at triple speed? Especially when NONE of them is doing anything interesting?? He picked a boring place where boring people were just hurrying to get to someplace interesting.

Christ, that fat load is going to be in Times Square to watch the ball drop? Too bad it won't land on him.

Tiger Lily, NO. And Dirty Lily, NO. But...

Oh, the KNICKERLESS PAIN.

Poor fellow. He has NO KNICKERS, and would love to buy some used ones to sniff.

He thought he had JUST the right girl with DIRTY LILY.

Yes, to the tune of "Fuck Off Obama," he composed a new ditty:

"Jerkin' Off On Ya."

Why the description alone had him trembling from his seat in the loo, his laptop bobbing up and down.

Alas, the auction was reported and ended before Knickerless could put in a bid.

All he could do was look through his collection of bra, knickers and suspender-belt photos from "Carry On" movies, and strum his guitar.

Another problem for Knickerless is that many of the eBay sluts REFUSE to sell overseas.

Do they figure their "scent" would get lost on a plane traveling across the Atlantic? Who knows.

Butt...there's always SOME stinking twat on eBay trying to sneak these auctions. Many do it as BUY IT NOW, figuring to get as many quick sales as they can before they're suspended.

Here's the latest, using an unsubtle name for herself, and a set of "sure-to-get-her-suspended" photos.

Such is the nature of cheap smelly twats. If they can make $40 a few times, it's well worth the risk that their Paypal account will be ended and they'll never be able to buy or sell ANYTHING on eBay again.

Off in a loo in England comes that haunting refrain...

"Jerkin' Off On Ya. Jerkin' off on ya. Jerkin' off on ya..."

Buy it NOW, Knickerless. That is, if this haughty bitch from Hairy Zone-A takes overseas orders on her odors.

Grimsby's Girl of the Year

We hear The Grimsby Telegraph, aka The Grimsby Tell-a-Laugh, has been sponsoring the "Girl of the Year" contest.

Unfortunately the paper has very few sponsors (not much ad money means not much of a cash prize for the contest winner), seems to rely on barter ("Mention my dodgy restaurant and you get free meals") and worst of all, alienated the UK's best photographer, Cilla Blackledge. She took all the pictures of the finalists, but won't give them to the editor.

She's posting them HERE!

First up, in the "Drunken Twat" category, the three finalists were:

Robin Vage.

She's well known for pissing about Freeman Street, especially after a few pints. For a gag, she likes to stick a beer bottle in her twat. It does gag her twat, but her stupid mouth keeps flapping. And, really, all she talks about is going to boob sales. She's convinced she needs a bigger pair. She doesn't shave her twat. When she lies around naked and drunk in the gutter, birds come up and pull her pubes out to build nests.

Second cuntestant:

Saskia Triffids-Hoore

A rival of Robin Vage, she upped the ante by lowering her panty, and not only shoving a bottle up her twat, but downing a Ribena-and-Gin cocktail at the same time. Is there no end to her talents? Well, we haven't seen what she can do with her asshole, but it's only a matter of time. Asked "What can you do with your asshole?" Saskia replied, "You mean Adie? Nothing. I can't get him to stop farting around. What a big, hairy useless asshole!"

Third cuntestant:

Petulant Clark

Well named, this little monster refuses to stop drinking, even when she's so full she has to pee. Known for grinning and flirting, Pet never pays for drinks. She either has fools buy the drinks, or she finds a guyyyyy who just ordered one, giggles, and snatches it away and downs it in a gulp. "Oops, I did it again," she laughs. Usually the guyyyyy just orders another and one for her, too.

A friend of Dublin's legend Shauna Cuntwell, THIS irritating blonde tease also never puts out. She only lip syncs blowjobs. She keeps a safe distance from the guyyyy's dick, pretends to swallow, and then raises her eyebrow. Then she waves "Byeeeee!" No wonder every guy she dates is a wanker.

As a Grimsby drunk named Ozzy used to say, "Stick to booze. Cocaine and that other stuff can give you a heart attack! You can drop dead and not even know it. Gimme cirrhosis of the liver any day!"

Revisionist Idiocy - George the SERIOUS ARTIST and Carrie the Feminist

Two drug-addled stars die of heart attacks, and all the press can do is spin them as ICONS.

How about a lesson here; that doing drugs is dangerous?

These two stories should underline that millionaires with fame and success can't stop being screw-ups till they die, and that everyone should realize in their own mundane lives, the dangers of excess.

Nope, instead Carrie is remembered as a "wild child," and a hedonist who was always doing drugs, and George was an admirably promiscuous haunter of men's rooms and pick-up bars.

How ridiculous: instead of describing how these two died due to wretched excess (drugs weakening the heart, George getting obese, Carrie never stopping with the pills) we hear they are POP CULTURE ICONS, SERIOUS artists and GROUNDBREAKING figures in social history!

No, George Michael was never a serious artist. He was just another irritating 80's pop star. WHAM!

Carrie Fisher? A feminist? What feminist throws herself at Dan Aykroyd? What part of a bad marriage to Paul Simon speaks of feminism? Ah, fucking Harrison Ford for a while wasn't just an uninhibited or slutty thing to do, it was showing equality in one-night stands. WOWEE. Being the lone woman in a "Star Wars" movie, with a pair of sticky buns on the side of her head...that was feminism? Later, wearing some kind of Barbarella outfit and being turned into a sex symbol...that's feminism, too? Sure, like Madonna the Feminist.

To every season, SPIN SPIN SPIN.

They gotta find SOME ANGLE to make you click those links so they can get those precious pennies.

Pamela Taylor, ugly obese albino gorilla - out of work.

Fat dumb Pamela Taylor had some easy job in Redneck Crackerville, West Virginia.

She was "Executive Director of the Clay County Development Corporation," whatever THAT is. Seems like some government-funded bullshit, doesn't it, given out of favoritism, bribes or inbred nepotism.

She sure had plenty of time to sit on her ugly fat ass and post to the Internet.

Incredibly, she expressed delight that Michelle Obama, the "ape in heels," would stop blackening the White House.

She actually called her successor, Melania Trump the nude-model and tacky marry-somebody-rich immigrant, "classy" and..."dignified."

Michelle Obama, who avoided all scandal in her eight years, and advocated for health and nutrition (two things fat Pam knows nothing about) was both "classy" and "dignified."

You think that Donald Trump inspired this?

There's been much more overt racism since he was "elected" by the electoral college, having lost the popular vote by over three million.

Dumb obese gorillas like Pamela Taylor have been rubbing their paws together, smirking their tea-bagger toothless smirks and chuckling their alt-right fart-like chuckles. Ha ha, NOW the immigrants will go. NOW nobody will be allowed an abortion. NOW the Jews and the Blacks and the gays will run for their lives.

An idiot in Taylor's office supported fat Pam's obnoxious comment and...well, gahhhh-leeeee...she had to resign. Bye bye, bitch.

Freedom of speech is a fine thing, but it does indicate when somebody JUST MIGHT be a redneck. A racist. A fool. Think somebody who considers Michelle Obama "a ape" is going to look kindly on any well-dressed and intelligent black woman coming into the office? That's why she wasn't suspended, but CANNED, like the ugly fat pig-faced ham she is.

Over here at the most tasteful blog in the world, the thinking is that stereotyping isn't all bad. Making fun of the cheap Jew or Dutchman or Scotchman no doubt made members of those groups think twice about living up to the stereotype. Making fun of an immigrant's speech (ala Chico Marx) no doubt shamed people into learning to assimilate and speak properly. Comic remarks don't necessarily mean "racist." Jolson was in blackface but he had tremendous sympathy for "Old Black Joe," and you can bet he and other blackface comics (George Jessel comes to mind) stood up for any "Negro" being treated unfairly.

Sex jokes could be considered anti-female. Racial jokes can often be very mean. BUT...they ARE jokes. The intent is to let off steam, and to address a certain frustration or anger in as healthy a way as possible. Taylor was not joking.

What we have here is just a witless, nasty remark, and it comes from somebody who should look in the mirror to see what "a ape" actually looks like.

Bill Hoobastank Arranges for a Princess Leia Grave

Is there NO end to the cruelty of 2016?

The Christmas season upsets all the gays with George Michael's death at 53...

...and now the geeks ands sci-fi nerds are mourning Carrie Fisher, dead at 60.

Carrie was an author, an actress, and was married to Paul Simon and the inspiration for some of his songs, but...she was also PRINCESS LEIA.

Bill Hoobastank knew that. He's seen here, in happier days.

Reached for comment, the only noises on Bill's end of the phone were "Brrrrappp....fizzzzzzzz....fubbafubba....wrrrrrthwapppp..."

Yes, ever since he heard the news, it's been one nappy change after another.

There was a sudden flush and a busy signal.

HOWEVER, later, Bill's sister found him in a cemetery preparing what he hopes will be Carrie Fisher's grave.

So far, in lieu of a marker, there's a Princess Leia model set in the ORIGINAL BOX.

Says Bill's sister, "I've tried to get into contact with Debbie Reynolds, but I guess she isn't a D-lister. She's not on FARCEBOOK. So sad, because we'd all like to have seen her Christmas tree, and have her answer questions like, "What perfume were you wearing in this photo taken 50 years ago," and "Can money be donated to an AIDS charity in your name?"

And, like any sensitive star-gazer, Bill and his sister are still stunned and full of questions. Bill's sister: "Oh yes, so many unanswered questions. She had a heart attack, was in a hospital and THEN she died? Did she regain consciousness and say anything about her upcoming completed role in "Star Wars: Episode VIII?" Did she look back and wonder if she should've married Dan Aykroyd, and if her affair with Harrison Ford could've lasted longer? We will NEVER KNOW THE ANSWERS!"

So far, it seems doubtful that Bill's generous offer of a plot in a New Jersey cemetery near his home, will be accepted.

"It means that if she's buried in California," says Bill's sister, "we'll have to arrange a trip out there so he can photograph the tombstone and stand next to it. Oh, he has lots of time, and with his pension and all, he can afford the fare. But if she was buried nearby, that would be SO much better. It could be the start of a whole lot of celebrity cemetery plots he could "adopt." He'd keep the plants fresh, and the bushes, because he's got nappies full of fertilizer he can spread on the ground!"

As they are saying all over Twitter: R.I.P. Princess Leia.

A Fiverrrrrrr for Shauna

Like eBay, with its secret porn site, one of Shauna's outlets for selling voiceovers and songs has a dark side.

Yes, for a fiverrrrr you can fuck her in the ass.

She hasn't put up a picture yet, but someone else on the site is helping her get new customers.

Meanwhile, on another site, the former Queen of Kickstarter, Amy Wagstaff-Wetone, plods along.

What's Next? Declare George Michael's Birthday a National Holiday?

Yes, it's been a SLOW news day, so the headlines have gone ON AND ON about the death of a forgettable POP STAR.

I glance at my search engine feed of the latest NEWS, and a dopey editorial on George Michael is in there? Why the fuck is ANY entertainment article considered NEWS??

Oh, THANKS for explaining this. Because he was a cocksucker, and admitted it (after being outed) that makes him a HERO.

Well what the FUCK was he supposed to do, deny it? Go hide somewhere?

IF I'M RECALLING CORRECTLY, Wilfrid Brambell was arrested for being queer in a men's room. He resumed his career. People now knew he was a lonely old perv. He's forgotten today, except for some fans of "Steptoe" and "Hard Day's Night" which was a film by grandpa's favorite group The Beatles (whoever they are). Brambell is known for being a humorous character actor, not for being Mr. Here and Queer. Will revisionist history paint him as a hero for resuming his career?

THIS idiotic article declares that "Even though Michael was forced out of the closet, once he was out, he took a great leap forward and came out guns blazing."

GUNS BLAZING? He was an annoying, trendy, stubble-wearing pretty-boy cocksucker, that's all. Blazing? He was a flaming fruit, if that's what you mean. By the time HE was on the scene, we'd already experienced David Bowie and Liberace and Jagger wearing lipstick and eye shadow, and Elton John's hijinks, etc. etc. There were plenty of GAYS out and about. It wasn't like this guy actually "came out guns blazing."

There were many courageous people NOT making millions of dollars and pandering to glitzy glamour-morons, who had COME OUT before HIM. THEY are the ones who deserve the acclaim, not this irritating, smirking trendy testicle tickler. Did anyone NOT know Freddie Mercury was gay? Whether people said it openly or not it was no big deal anymore.

He was arrested in 1998! By that time, a gay friend of mine had been DEAD OF AIDS FOR TEN FUCKING YEARS.

My friend was part of that promiscuous bunch who did the disco scene, and the baths, and the bathrooms and the rest of it. By the time George Michael came along, the dangers of this idiocy were well known, and gay sex, Stonewall, and Larry Kramer and John Waters and on and on. Kramer's book "Faggots" came out in 1978. That's 20 years before the great George Michael came out. TEN years before George Michael, Elton John was giving interviews about being gay.

Rock Hudson died FIVE years before George Michael came out. Wasn't Hudson a hero? Everybody knew what he died of. Plenty of celebrities were "OUT" before George Michael.

It's just that the average person and the average media whore writing for stupid websites, has a short memory, no research skills, and no sense of history.

What George Michael DID, was declare that he was a promiscuous cocksucker, and that this was wonderful fun. We should applaud that he encouraged thousands of homos to end up with AIDS because they followed their HERO in having unprotected sex with strangers? AIDS was still very much a virulent and killing virus, and the drugs available to at least slow down HIV were still not dependable or free of terrible side effects.

This idiot article notes:

"He was blessed with sensual good looks and an exquisite voice, attributes he used to become first a teenybopper heartthrob and then a mature solo artist with videos that played up his considerable appeal."

No, No, and NO. His "good lucks" were obviously and simperingly GAY. His voice was ordinary. He was NEVER a "mature solo artist," he was always an amateur, preening fop. This is the same revisionist shit we see about Madonna, on the other side of the groin.

NOW, she's Miss Liberation, the outrageous wonder woman with the "good looks" and exquisite "voice," who became a fabulous "solo artist." Except she pandered to sluttery, and influenced, just as George Michael did, thousands of idiots to ape what she was doing, and to regret it. How many illegitimate kids, and how many social diseases did the followers of Madonna end up with? George's followers didn't have illegitimate kids, but AIDS. That's better?

Let's be REAL.

Lastly, as there's no point quoting more of this or the other inane stories that make this guy into a hero, one last line:

"He kept his own sexual orientation private, until he was arrested in 1998 for lewd conduct in a public toilet in Los Angeles after being spotted by a male undercover police officer."

In other words, he was just as cowardly or cautious as anyone engaging in peculiar sex acts. Whether you're gay, or into spanking or three-ways or bondage, you're going to raise eyebrows if you admit this is how you get your cock to raise. So why not just shut the fuck up about it? He was arrested and he turned this into gay pride. So what? If you're a minority group member, and somebody picks on you, you stand up and say, "Yes, I'm Black" or Jewish, or Muslim, or whatever. You bite back, because that's human nature. It's not heroism, it's self-preservation. Also, you can't really change what you are, can you?

Fortunately, as we learned from Prince and Bowie, attention spans are short, and all the pandering and pandemonium will end in another day or two, or after the fucking ball drops in Times Square in a few days. Then we can remember that there's still ISIS and TRUMP, and the music a pretty boy disco diva made years ago doesn't matter in this current world.

In the end (which is where Georgy-Girl liked it), the fact remains, this pretty boy from the 80's became a bore in the 21st Century, nearly died of pneumonia (hmmm, promiscuous disease causing that?) and died of a heart attack because, well, they'll think of a reason and spin it one way or the other.

Deciding to bullshit this guy's death for a week long gay pride parade is pathetic pandering. People aren't content to just say he was a big star in the 80's? He was that. And nothing more. And no amount of James Corden mewling or media spinning is going to make anyone listen to that shit and like it. It was of its time, and it's time, like George himself, is OVER.

Grimsby Gays Go On Promiscuous Spree to Honor George Michael

"He was a role model," is what you hear around the office of the Grimsby Telegraph.

As some queer standing in front of the office mewled, "Before George Michael, guys were afraid to have sex all night in a men's room. Now I'm no longer afraid to have sex all night in a men's room. But I still don't trust anyone waving his todger inside the Telegraph office!"

According to former contributor Cilla Blackledge, "the Telegraph wants to pay tribute to George, the way they did David Gest. There are some right poofters at the Telegraph, I think. I think the ratio of Poofters to Morons is about 5-1. Staffers are one or the other, but some are both."

Will any of these photos make the next edition of what true journalists call "The Tell-a-Laugh?" The paper prefers to run kiss-ass and suck-up pieces on bad restaurants, but gay sex pix of cock-suckers shouldn't be much of a STRETCH.

ONE:

"I loved George Michael's preening smile and his carefully trimmed stubble," says Sill E. Savitch (left). "I've minced along Freeman Street squealing "Last Christmas" and winking till my eyeball nearly fell out. That's how I came across my friend Hans DeMint, just about the mintiest queer you've ever met. He's from Holland.

"I know, he looks a bit Latino, but that's 'cause he's like most Dutchmen, and tries to be in California as much as he can. He was in California two weeks ago working on his Tan. Kim Ho Tan, an Asian fairy. Look at this photo. I pay for a well hung stud to suck and HE sucks on the same dick, too. SO cheap; he insists on going Dutch. Even if we're sucking off a Swede. Did you notice a herpes blister on Christer??"

TWO:

Robin the Verger, the Pride of Sussex, goes on fishing trips to Cleethorpes. He's not fooling anybody. He once claimed he reeled in a footlong eel, but everybody knew it wasn't out of the Humber, it was out of HUNGER. He sucked a footlong cock up his ass. "The Queen of the Pleasuredome," he cruises Cleethorpes because he was thrown out of every gay place in Hull. He was thrown out of "Bottoms Up" and told to stay out of both "Fuel" and "Propaganda" as well. In fact, he's not even allowed to waddle along Carr Lane or Ferensway! But Cleethorpes? He did find a willing deviant in a men's room in Kings Road, where THIS photo was taken.

Yes, big fat Robin was bob-bob-bobbin along. Says Robin, "This was my instant tribute to George Michael. I was SO happy to hear that before his fatal heart attack, George had gotten very obese! It's nice that after being that slim, evil-eyed stubble-king, he became a big fat nancy, just like me and James Corden. I hear that James Corden has been paying tribute by sucking off guys in gay bars all over Hollywood. Then he goes into his car and sings karaoke while gurgling all the cum down his throat. He sounds just like that Johnny Dork guy on GooTube!

"In this picture I'm wanking and sucking a leather boy's cock, just like GEORGE would do in a toilet. I'm quite a size queen, and I always like to bring a ruler with me, so I can check on how long the meat was that went down my throat. But I forgot my ruler this time, so this cock DID NOT CHART."

THREE:

Some say this was taken at the Grimsby Telegraph men's room.

"No no," says Cilla, "I don't think there IS a men's room at the Grimsby Telegraph. They all use the ladies room, the cunts. The men's room got broken a while ago, when David Gest lunged for some guy's dick and slammed his head against the toilet. He broke the porcelain, and the cheap bastards never repaired it. I asked the editor, "Do you have a urinal?" He said, "Yes, it's called an open window." As this disturbed passersby, the guyysssss now use the ladies room.

"As to the photo, I don't think it's of a Grimsby Telegraph editor because this guy looks nice, and they're all deformed and ugly beyond belief. All they seem to attract are dung beetles. I don't mean to be rude. I do have sympathy for the editors. They smell like shit, and they publish shit, and their town is shit. Eventually the Telegraph will go bankrupt. What could the Grimsby editors do? Go to Hull! Ha, that's a TYPO. See what I did? Oh. See what my dog did? Let me scoop that up into the Grimsby Telegraph, the only reason for having a copy. It absorbs shit. Just like the editor's throat."