"Indulge me some more!
"I've got a great contest all about ME!
"Below, I've got a photo and a caption. It's a good caption but spend all day thinking up a BETTER ONE! If you do, I'll send you a free download of a song! Ready???"
"Now, WHAT could I be thinking? Hmmm, that these girls' pee would do wonders for my voice? My complexion? My hair??
"Maybe I'm thinking that taking off my clothes and pissing would be a great closer for my next FREE concert!
"I know, it does seem that I'm always running to the Internet to call attention to myself. Yes, I want to get donations so I can play local pubs. I want to raise money to pay for ALL the costs of making a CD. If a singer dies, I'll rush to GooTube and cover one of that person's songs just to try and get new fans.
IF I'M BEING HONEST, my secret fantasy is not being a pale-faced guitar strummer, it's being a hot chick and taking piss in my face while rubbing my clit till I scream a high E. And I don't mean a Shauna "Hiyyyy-eeee." Have you ever had a beer in a Bristol pub? If that doesn't get you acclimated to drinking piss, nothing will!
"Any time I'm in a ladies room and I hear some tinkling, I imagine being that girl's toilet, and my pasty face getting buttered over with golden pee! It drips hot off my face, and the salty loads do down my throat and fill up my mouth to the point where I can't sing, just gurgle. Oooh, look at these girls. Their tits put mine to shame. They've got great shapes. They have personality! They make more money just squatting and peeing for a minute, than I have made in song sales!
"Maybe I inherited these kinky tendencies from my mum, who is so frisky in public she posed with a long rock in front of her, pretending to have a cock, or be a lezzie with a strap-on. I'm not sure which is her main fantasy, as while she was doing all of that, I was texting the Arts Council and whinging about needing five thousand MORE pounds so I could skip around Bristol and sing my songs, and, well, spy in ladies rooms where beer-filled sluts are letting go behind the stalls!
"I hope I haven't said anything rude. I'm just trying to get some attention!
"Think up a good caption and when you do, call up Broadmoor Mental Hospital, and ask for BASKET CASE!
"Would it kill you to also donate a hundred pounds or more, or buy a CD for a mere 15 pounds, or pay for plastic surgery so I'll stop looking like Danny Bonaduce from "The Partridge Family" sitcom?
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