Johnny the Zombie is Walkin' in his Winter Wonderland (in women's underwear)

"Don we now our gay apparel..."

Only it's John, not Don. Oh, you can bet he would've wanted to post "Walking Round in Women's Underwear" on GooTube. He's just egomaniac enough to stare glassy eyed and thinks he looks good in frillies, just as he thinks he sounds good singing a cappella.

Johnny LOVES to post a daily song. "Got a minute?" Got chutzpah? Got an aspirin???

THIS time of year, the sentimental master of corn is relentlessly posting CHRISTMAS tunes. Yes, the shittiest, most annoying, most over-sung garbage he can find. If it appeared on some sappy album by one of his GODS (Sinatra, Como, Mathis, all of whom used back-up musicians and NEVER sang by themselves) bet on delusional Johnny to offer HIS version.

Right, doesn't matter if he gets a puny amount of viewers. If two or three tell him he's great, and if some grand child or drooling kid mutters "Like..." that's reason enough to put the smiling dentures into his mouth and do another. And another.

Johnny Mathis, who looked a bit retarded, was simply a clueless gay. He had the gift of blandness, stealing a bit from Nat "King" Cole and lightening it up for a new generation. Johnny had a lighter complexion and more of a doo-wop attitude towards rotten ballads or pathetic Xmas tunes like "Winter Wonderland."

"Walking Round in Women's Underwear," as Johnny well knows, WAS a song parody by Bobby Rivers. It goes like so:

Oh, Johnny. Oh, Johnny. How you can ANNOY.

Too bad. His glazed expression of self-love, his burblings after he sings, his zombie-like moves as he starts and stops the camcorder...it's all gotten pretty tiresome. If only he'll take a tip from Shauna Cuntwell, and at least find a new way of being stupid.

Hey, Johnny, be like Shauna. Your next Xmas songs could be: "Twat the Night Before Christmas," "God Rest Ye Merry Gentle Twat," and "Silent Twat." Oh, if only Shauna would actually be a "Silent Twat." You too, sir.