ALL BY HIMSELF -- Even the Box Openers Don't Care

Somehow Darren the Lox missed this.

So did Eat Like a Horst

Here's blowing some RASPBERRIES at solemnly cute Eric Varmint:

Somehow that event didn't get the box-opening fan-bozos posting on GooTube. Aww. Had they forgotten adorable Eric??

Remember him? Vaguely? That fucking Manilow-Diamond dirge "All By Myself?" That other song ALSO stolen from a Rachmaninoff melody?

The GOOD news is that unlike some aging gruesome pretty boys, Eric has kept a low profile over the past decade. He doesn't swagger around Atlantic City resorts for a "one night only" show, or turn up on cruise ships.

He does maintain a ridiculous website where forlorn 50-something and 60-something obese women can pine over him in a forum.

They must be awfully jealous about his trophy wife. The new Carmen-Get-It is a bubble-headed ex-weather girl. Originally from Cleveland where she learned how to dye her hair blonde and tell everyone what the National Weather Service told HER, Amy moved from local TV in Ohio to local TV in California.

She got a boob job and became the HOT WEATHER GIRL for quite a while. A few drooling druids have even posted a few of her weather segments, just to marvel at her boob job and how CUTE she was. Her name was Hasten back then. If she was one of Zevon's bimbos-du-jour she could've been dubbed Hasten Down the Wind.

Instead of the cliche rock star, Amy hooked up with a pugnacious little Italian stand-up comedian named Richard. No, Richard couldn't possibly score with a chick like THIS unless a) he had fame and a lot of money and b) a witty, mover-and-shaker personality. He had both, to varying degrees. Among the fools and horses crowd (the clods who came to casinos to gamble) he was almost too clever for the room, but dubbed the "boy from New York City" and keeping to a shrugging Seinfeld-type disbelief at how idiotic the world is, he got a good cross-section of butts in seats.

Unfortunately he never progressed beyond the hectic level of touring, playing Atlantic City and Vegas, getting a "Tonight Show" now and then, and an HBO special once in a while. The average person didn't know his name, and a minor role in Jim Carrey's "Mask" and a starring sitcom that didn't last more than a few months didn't help.

He was a nice guy, smart, but driven, and as it turned out, increasingly fucked up. Naturally the doctors prescribed drugs, every possible type, and the roller coaster ended in Del Shannon fashion.

The warning signs were there. He was sent off for a few days of "involuntary confinement" because he seemed unhinged, and might do himself harm. He had spoken about just doing it: "pull the trigger."

One morning, the blonde weather girl slipped out of bed and went downstairs to make breakfast. She heard a loud sound maybe five minutes later.

She called 911: "My boyfriend has shot himself in the face."

Close enough.

A week later, maybe, the equally pugnacious stand-up Chris Rock was on David Letterman's show. Chris was a good friend of Richard's. Dave, who respect Richard's intelligent brand of stand-up, offered condolences. Rock, wearing that goofy toothy smile, didn't have much to say. Shit happens, yo. Ultimately, he said something like: "If Jeni was here now, he'd tell you go to see my new movie!"

Letterman, a twisted grin on his face, shuddered an "Oh, man..."

The weather girl with the boob job eventually stopped dying her hair and moved on to a TV station in Phoenix. She found a new pugnacious semi-famous guy, and married him. Now she's apparently retired, blonde again, and spending her life on Twitter smirking and sassing the Democrats and cheering every day for her idol, Donald Trump.

Like all the Trumptards, she just can't help grinning and preening and taunting. Nyaa nyaa, so the Russians hacked emails. Waaa waaa, so Wikileaks stole and slanted information. Ha ha ho ho hee hee, the head of the FBI conveniently told the world, a week before the election, that there were blockbuster illegalities in Hillary's emails. Or something. Or nothing. Bwaaa haa, Donald spent the campaign shouting, "Lock her up," and declaring all Mexicans and Muslims should be kicked out of the country. It's ALL good.

Oh yes, Amy: "If you don't like dogs, I have to WONDER about you..." Nothing WONDERful about YOU, bitch.