Grimsby Gays Go On Promiscuous Spree to Honor George Michael

"He was a role model," is what you hear around the office of the Grimsby Telegraph.

As some queer standing in front of the office mewled, "Before George Michael, guys were afraid to have sex all night in a men's room. Now I'm no longer afraid to have sex all night in a men's room. But I still don't trust anyone waving his todger inside the Telegraph office!"

According to former contributor Cilla Blackledge, "the Telegraph wants to pay tribute to George, the way they did David Gest. There are some right poofters at the Telegraph, I think. I think the ratio of Poofters to Morons is about 5-1. Staffers are one or the other, but some are both."

Will any of these photos make the next edition of what true journalists call "The Tell-a-Laugh?" The paper prefers to run kiss-ass and suck-up pieces on bad restaurants, but gay sex pix of cock-suckers shouldn't be much of a STRETCH.

ONE:

"I loved George Michael's preening smile and his carefully trimmed stubble," says Sill E. Savitch (left). "I've minced along Freeman Street squealing "Last Christmas" and winking till my eyeball nearly fell out. That's how I came across my friend Hans DeMint, just about the mintiest queer you've ever met. He's from Holland.

"I know, he looks a bit Latino, but that's 'cause he's like most Dutchmen, and tries to be in California as much as he can. He was in California two weeks ago working on his Tan. Kim Ho Tan, an Asian fairy. Look at this photo. I pay for a well hung stud to suck and HE sucks on the same dick, too. SO cheap; he insists on going Dutch. Even if we're sucking off a Swede. Did you notice a herpes blister on Christer??"

TWO:

Robin the Verger, the Pride of Sussex, goes on fishing trips to Cleethorpes. He's not fooling anybody. He once claimed he reeled in a footlong eel, but everybody knew it wasn't out of the Humber, it was out of HUNGER. He sucked a footlong cock up his ass. "The Queen of the Pleasuredome," he cruises Cleethorpes because he was thrown out of every gay place in Hull. He was thrown out of "Bottoms Up" and told to stay out of both "Fuel" and "Propaganda" as well. In fact, he's not even allowed to waddle along Carr Lane or Ferensway! But Cleethorpes? He did find a willing deviant in a men's room in Kings Road, where THIS photo was taken.

Yes, big fat Robin was bob-bob-bobbin along. Says Robin, "This was my instant tribute to George Michael. I was SO happy to hear that before his fatal heart attack, George had gotten very obese! It's nice that after being that slim, evil-eyed stubble-king, he became a big fat nancy, just like me and James Corden. I hear that James Corden has been paying tribute by sucking off guys in gay bars all over Hollywood. Then he goes into his car and sings karaoke while gurgling all the cum down his throat. He sounds just like that Johnny Dork guy on GooTube!

"In this picture I'm wanking and sucking a leather boy's cock, just like GEORGE would do in a toilet. I'm quite a size queen, and I always like to bring a ruler with me, so I can check on how long the meat was that went down my throat. But I forgot my ruler this time, so this cock DID NOT CHART."

THREE:

Some say this was taken at the Grimsby Telegraph men's room.

"No no," says Cilla, "I don't think there IS a men's room at the Grimsby Telegraph. They all use the ladies room, the cunts. The men's room got broken a while ago, when David Gest lunged for some guy's dick and slammed his head against the toilet. He broke the porcelain, and the cheap bastards never repaired it. I asked the editor, "Do you have a urinal?" He said, "Yes, it's called an open window." As this disturbed passersby, the guyysssss now use the ladies room.

"As to the photo, I don't think it's of a Grimsby Telegraph editor because this guy looks nice, and they're all deformed and ugly beyond belief. All they seem to attract are dung beetles. I don't mean to be rude. I do have sympathy for the editors. They smell like shit, and they publish shit, and their town is shit. Eventually the Telegraph will go bankrupt. What could the Grimsby editors do? Go to Hull! Ha, that's a TYPO. See what I did? Oh. See what my dog did? Let me scoop that up into the Grimsby Telegraph, the only reason for having a copy. It absorbs shit. Just like the editor's throat."