Grimsby's Girl of the Year

We hear The Grimsby Telegraph, aka The Grimsby Tell-a-Laugh, has been sponsoring the "Girl of the Year" contest.

Unfortunately the paper has very few sponsors (not much ad money means not much of a cash prize for the contest winner), seems to rely on barter ("Mention my dodgy restaurant and you get free meals") and worst of all, alienated the UK's best photographer, Cilla Blackledge. She took all the pictures of the finalists, but won't give them to the editor.

She's posting them HERE!

First up, in the "Drunken Twat" category, the three finalists were:

Robin Vage.

She's well known for pissing about Freeman Street, especially after a few pints. For a gag, she likes to stick a beer bottle in her twat. It does gag her twat, but her stupid mouth keeps flapping. And, really, all she talks about is going to boob sales. She's convinced she needs a bigger pair. She doesn't shave her twat. When she lies around naked and drunk in the gutter, birds come up and pull her pubes out to build nests.

Second cuntestant:

Saskia Triffids-Hoore

A rival of Robin Vage, she upped the ante by lowering her panty, and not only shoving a bottle up her twat, but downing a Ribena-and-Gin cocktail at the same time. Is there no end to her talents? Well, we haven't seen what she can do with her asshole, but it's only a matter of time. Asked "What can you do with your asshole?" Saskia replied, "You mean Adie? Nothing. I can't get him to stop farting around. What a big, hairy useless asshole!"

Third cuntestant:

Petulant Clark

Well named, this little monster refuses to stop drinking, even when she's so full she has to pee. Known for grinning and flirting, Pet never pays for drinks. She either has fools buy the drinks, or she finds a guyyyyy who just ordered one, giggles, and snatches it away and downs it in a gulp. "Oops, I did it again," she laughs. Usually the guyyyyy just orders another and one for her, too.

A friend of Dublin's legend Shauna Cuntwell, THIS irritating blonde tease also never puts out. She only lip syncs blowjobs. She keeps a safe distance from the guyyyy's dick, pretends to swallow, and then raises her eyebrow. Then she waves "Byeeeee!" No wonder every guy she dates is a wanker.

As a Grimsby drunk named Ozzy used to say, "Stick to booze. Cocaine and that other stuff can give you a heart attack! You can drop dead and not even know it. Gimme cirrhosis of the liver any day!"