AHA! The reason HORST is in NYC! The end of a shitty DELI

Now it makes sense.

Why did that lumbering bratwurst Eatin-Like-a Horst get a haircut, trim his ratty beard and come to NYC?

To witness THE END OF THE FAMOUS CARNEGIE DELI!

Take a look at that pile of shit they call a sandwich.

It's the famous "Heart Attack on a Plate."

IF I'M BEING HONEST, Jews are smart EXCEPT when it comes to eating. When it comes to eating, they are stupid. They have this fetish for DELI FOOD. They get erections just SMELLING a deli when they walk in. Yes, even the women: "Oy, moy clit iz poking moy panty! Oy wet moyself, tooooo."

The stink of a deli is a peculiarly primal thing. It's RAW meat, because the roast beef has to be RARE and DRIPPING BLOOD.

While Kipling talked about the exotic smells On The Road to Mandalay, which include garlic, in a deli, it's the brackish stench of saurkraut. It's pickled EVERYTHING from olives to tomatoes. Ironically, the actual deli pickles are usually "half sour." Jews like 'em crispy and not completely decimated into a limp piece of slime.

HOW...STUPID...ARE JEWS when it comes to these fucking delis? Well, Jews are supposed to be among the cheapest people on Earth. Yet, delis are among the most expensive restaurants on Earth. Considering the ambience is crap, the waiters are all old freakish men with gigantic noses and ears, and you're lucky to get a tablecloth, WHAT THE FUCK are the high prices about?

They're about stupid rich Jews (oh, of the Al Goldstein variety, or Jewish comedians, or obnoxious rich lawyers and accountant schmucks) who like to brag that they can AFFORD deli food. They'd feel out of place in a real restaurant where they can't tuck their napkin into the neck of their shirt, or talk in a normal tone of voice. In the old days, you could also light up an obnoxious fat cigar and puff away.

If you Google a menu from the Carnegie Deli, you'd be shocked at the prices they got away with. OK, in the Bronx or Brooklyn, and maybe the Lower East Side, you could go get a kosher frankfurter or a knish and the price was reasonable. You could buy a Dr. Brown Celery Tonic or get an egg cream, and you'd still be able to take the subway home. But midtown?

The Carnegie and the already dead Stage Delicatessen were located just off Broadway. Carnegie was ironically near Carnegie Hall on 57th, while the Stage (once owned and operated by a short, squat malaprop named Max Asnas) was a few blocks further downtown. While they were a little bit too much of a walk for jerks in the actual garment district (34th Street) these joints were perfect for Jewish businessmen (Levy, the goniff from Roulette Records probably ate there) tourists and of course, SHOW PEOPLE.

Getting back to HOW...STUPID...ARE JEWS, the big feature in both places was the OVERSTUFFED sandwich. So overstuffed you'd have to have a yappy mouth the size of Phil Silvers (the blessed Sgt. Bilko, of MUSEUM fame) to tussle with one. Jews thought they were getting SUCH a fucking bargain. BUT, they were PAYING FOR IT. Morons. All they saw was this huge obscene mound of flesh, and NOT the check, which they dismissed with the wave of a credit card.

Woody Allen liked the joke about the two old Jewish bags. They go into a restaurant (not a deli). One says, "The food here is terrible." The other says, "And such small portions!"

In an actual deli, stupid Jews, who aren't exactly known for being epicures anyway, would say, "The food isn't that special...BUT LOOK AT THE PORTIONS!"

Christ. Deli food. Tongue. The only place you can get a tongue sandwich. Pastrami on rye. And on and on.

No cheeseburger, though! Ha. Kosher. Can't mix dairy and meat or G-d would strike you dead.

Yeah, been in both places, AND Katz's on the Lower East Side. A big SO and WHAT.

So here comes Eatin-Like-a Horst. He's heard about the legendary GERMAN delicatessens of New York, run by those German Jews. Ach! Gotta join the big line outside the Carnegie, to boast "I ate there on the LAST DAY!"

There's some talk about "saving" the fucking deli. That some "angel" might put up millions to buy it and keep it going. The truth is, the rents are sky high, the Jews are dying off (six million thanks to people such as Horst's grandparents) and fewer and fewer care about this crap. What Jews are left tend to be health-conscious. Big fat sandwiches are out of fashion. Salads! Lean cuts of meat! Smaller portions! And let's not forget that Jews absolutely love Chinese food. Indian food isn't bad either, and a lot of Indian restaurants are, oddly enough, kosher.

Did Horst manage to waddle over to Carnegie in time or were there too many idiots already on line? Guess we'll have to wait to see what he posts on GOOTUBE...