It's ME, Shauna Cuntwell!
I'm a singer, songwriter, voice-over artist, actress, owl impersonator and test-subject for vaginal wipes.
I'm ALSO the paid spokesperson for DUBLIN DOUBLE BIG BOOBS!
If YOU are a flat-chested girl, or know one, THIS is the product for YOU! Take if from ME!!!"
"For some reason, most of my endorsements involve products for flat chests. In the past few months, now that I've become an Internet Sensation, I've gotten a fiverrrr for posing with padded bras, push-up bras, and Tesco even had me holding two grapefruit. But let me tell you, now that I've actually got a TENERRRR for THIS product, I can assure you it's the best!
"Made right in Dublin from spat out chewing gum and congealed beer vomit, the Dublin Double Big Boob set has been hand-crafted by guyyyysss with big round palms. Each pair is carefully spray painted, then sprayed with a load of semen just to make sure the paint doesn't come off.
"Most flat-chested girls NEED an item like this to get attention! Few are as cute and charming as I am. Few can get nice comments just by singing in an off-key, trembling kitten-fart voice. I've got big brown eyes and bright yellow hair, and so what if I'm built like a boy. I've got a shaved twat! You can't fuck boobs!
"Oh. Well, actually you can. You can lay the girl down, squeeze her boobs together, and fuck her in the cleavage and come all over her face. Or so I've been told. By that fat blob Amy Wagstaff Wetone.
"Nevertheless, and despite that occasional fried cod smell, the twat is better! It covers your whole cock, after all!
"Take it from me, your wide-eyed, lip-pursing saliva-swallowing little schoolgirl cock tease! If you spend enough money paying me for voiceovers, and if you buy me a new microphone, and spend a fortune on a recording studio that has an echo chamber like the Grand Canyon, I just might let YOU be my first guyyyyy! Imagine! You could bang me like some drunken bastard at the Boat Repair Yard in North Lincolnshire hammering the hull of a Grimsby fishing smack!!
"The lucky guyyyyy who nails me will be sliding into the slickest, tightest opening this side of a Guinness bottle. Ooop. Maybe that's a bit narrow. Don't worry, I'm working on that, with a variety of vegetables!
"Meanwhile, for any girl who wants to make an impression bouncing down the street, jiggling on the bus, or wobbling over to the Grimsby Telegraph office to place an escort ad, call attention to yourself with the Dublin Double Big Boob set! They're new and improved, and surpass the U.K.'s old favorites, "The Nanny Roberts Baby Bouncers!" Try these, baby.
Bouncy Bouncy! Byeeeeeee!!!"
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