Every movie will be self-done with a camcorder on a tripod, and 90 MINUTES LONG. Oh, the horror!
In his first outing, he stars in "THE HAIR THAT SUFFOCATED SUFFOLK." Having teased his hair to the point where it's become furious and rabid, Johnny discovers it growing bigger and puffier. It soon reaches the ceiling, bulges out the windows, and darkens the sky.
Citizens in Suffolk flee for their lives as the mushroom cloud stretches out to engulf them. The black sky and huge blob of black hair have a blinding effect, and thousands of people cough, gasp, and suffocate in the web of darkness. Bill Hoobastank, grinning and gurgling, stands next to the giant hair for a photo opportunity, and is killed. See, in every bad situation there's some good news!
White-light torches supplied by volunteers from Brighton, help guide survivors to safety. Meanwhile, the NHS looks for a drug that has the side effect of making hair fall out.
"We must be able to KILL the hair ball," Prime Minister Maggie May declares. "You dumb twat," answers Jeremy Corbyn, "that thing Johnny had on his head was never alive. It dyed! The answer is to Brecksit. Shampoo it with Brecks. Make it soft. Then push it into a deadly trap, like Grimsby. I know, make it stay at the Adam and Eve in Blackpool!!"
Spoiler alert: Johnny is called upon to croon to his hair, with an a cappella medley. Unfortunately his choice of show tunes from "Hair" only provoke a wild and woolly response. He points to his dome, and whistles, "Night on Bald Mountain," trying to encourage his hair to return to his own head.
Shauna Cuntwell makes an urgent plea on Twitter: "I can't see why I shouldn't help. Attention, hair: I have a shaved twat. I am willing to spread my legs and let you come and lie on it!"
Johnny's hair gets the message, and begins to stand up on end. It is then mowed down by German soldiers led by Asslicker Horst, the "Unboxing Fox." The hairs are gathered in all the empty boxes Horst has kept after buying useless garbage. The whole collection in burned in an oven at one of the tourist-attraction concentration camps in Germany.
The bad news? Johnny, wide-eyed and in awe of himself, points to NEW GROWTH on his head, and whispers, "Got a minute??"
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