CASEY KASEM: TROPHY WIFE LOSES HER HALF-DEAD TROPHY

It's always a sad folly when some geezer marries a bitch far younger than he is.

I understand it...the old guy wants to feel young. Since you rarely think of yourself as you really are, if you're opposite a young bimbo, you can easily delude yourself into thinking you're young, too.

But with few exceptions, the result will inevitably be depressingly pathetic.

Did you see this coming?

Here's your typical semi-attractive gigantic Barbie doll blonde bimbo with a huge forehead full of air...lamprey-attached to an unlikely, small, Middle-Eastern fool with false teeth.

The fool is Casey Kasem, a Ross Bagdasarian lookalike who, for many decades, was host of a Top 40 "countdown" syndicated radio show.

Inevitably, the bimbo was accused of not caring much about Casey, but dominating the mansion, spending as she pleased, and keeping his daughter (from a previous marriage) from even getting to monitor her father's condition.

If you never heard of Kasem, he was basically the next generation's Dick Clark. Like Dick, Casey was hardly a hipster. It would've surprised no one if Kasem actually had no idea who he was announcing and actually preferred listening to some guy from Turkey playing the oud, or some guy from Armenia strumming a Kardashian clit.

But what Casey had, same as Dick Clark, was a inoffensive personality and non-threatening and pleasant looks. What Casey had more than Clark, was an ingratiatingly chummy voice, which was intimate and friendly.

I doubt he originated the style — it was used very successfully by Mason Adams, an old time radio actor who did tons of voice-over commercials before achieving late-life fame on the "Lou Grant" TV show. I don't know about Kasem, but Mr. Adams wasn't projecting "nice," he was nice. He had humility and he had talent (he and partner Sascha Burland created a Bob and Ray-type comedy album "The Idiots & Co."). Mr. Adams also had taste...his apartment was impeccably furnished and his wife was not a bimbo of the Anna Nicole Smith or Jean Kasem type.

PS, a guy named John Bartholomew Tucker was probably also around before Casey, but give Casey credit for working that voice-with-a-smile on the pop-loving kiddies, and riding it every week as young listeners eagerly rooted for their favorites to get to #1, be it The Monkees, Neil Diamond, 1910 Fruitgum Company or Donny and Marie Osmond.

Anyway...Kasem had a hit show and we all found him easy to take. If you grow up with a star, you'll almost always have nostalgic affection for that person. So despite how corny he and the show was, people always liked the guy, even if they outgrew listening to him, especially as Top 40 music got more and more bubble gummy and inane. So when news of Casey's poor health surfaced, everyone felt badly for him...and for the daughter who wasn't even allowed to monitor how he was being cared for.

Kasem's daughter tried to get publicity about her plight, and public opinion turned on the trophy wife. So the wife literally took Kasem away, leaving her smug lawyer to grin and say "Don't know where he is..."

Imagine not only being denied a chance to see your father...but now learning that the helpless old guy has been moved to a secret location!

Fortunately this outrageous act of kidnapping was the last straw, and it ended like this the other day:

As poor Casey was carted away, now being administered by his daughter, the wife threw a pound of raw hamburger, claiming some kind of Biblical symbolism. Cheer up Nutty Jean, oh what can it mean? While Casey remains a daydream believer, YOU are still the check-cashing queen.

Yes, as far as I know, Casey's trophy wife has legally knotted up all his money and the daughter may, at best, be allowed to tap into it for expenses involving his care. The wife still has everything...including a reputation as the trophy wife from Hell.