MEDIA SLUT CHELSEA HANDLER: "No More Bieber"

IF you don't know who Chelsea Handler is, you're lucky.

She's the "smart" slut who managed to go from mediocre comedian who sassed and intimidated talk show assholes like Conan and Dave, to the "star" of her own wretched talk show.

I mean wretched. As in...unwatchable. She had a guest on that I wanted to see (Gershon, not Bieber), and it was a form of torture waiting and waiting through her preening jokes and her sidekicks yammering it up...including the obligatory obnoxious GAY GUY.

What her demographics could be, I have no idea...a bunch of gays giggling and worshipping the strong bitch they wish they were? A whole lot of impressionable chicks thinking frank talk about shacking up is glamorous? Who knows. Who cares.

I was momentarily amused by this disgusting glib-bint when she announced she was sick of talking to or about Bieber and the Kardashians...

...but I soon became disgusted.

Handler, who vaguely had some kind of crusading comic take on "women can be just as promiscuous as men" deal, is now nothing but one huge egomaniacal tampon, sucking the life out of anyone in the room with her. No, there's no way she could follow Stephen Colbert (the dry replacement for Letterman next year) and take "Late Late Show." But she's clearly angling to change her image. Who wants a 40 year-old woman bragging about spreading her legs for any cock big enough to momentarily enter her well-used garage? As yet, cable doesn't have "The Cougar Channel," and after seven fucking (literally) years, she's really worn out most everyone's titillation on how she hasn't yet worn down her labia into two puffy crullers that flake stuff onto the bedsheets.

So, the opportunist, she's leaving that bad, fishy taste and awful sense of humor to Kathy Griffin and is ready to present herself as an astringent host that should be taken seriously. Sort of like, if Graham Norton insisted, "no more gay in-jokes, no more flippant sass...from now on I'm only going to interview Irish authors of depressing literary fiction and Muslim clerics." Yeah?

It's vaguely possible this woman is maturing, and is actually bored with such stunts as filming herself and Conan O'Brien naked in a shower, blurred visually (and mentally), doing little more than aggressive dick jokes. That she could possibly be interesting to anyone beyond a few intimidated male comics, a bunch of gays, and some bitter housewives...highly unlikely. Later, Chelsea. Much, much later.