A Declaration of Independence: Who Needs Hands and Feet?

Americans once again declared their Independence...from their extremities.

Honoring what the late, great misanthrope and misogynist Ernest Gebler called "The Plymouth Adventure," Americans celebrated finding independence and freedom in a new country...by freeing themselves from extraneous hands and feet and eyes and teeth.

One of the most popular TV programmes in the Land of Greed, is called "Shark Tank." This is where a panel of arrogant fat-cat greedheads evaluate new schemes to make money. Weasels offer up their propositions and hope to get a "kickstart" from the greedheads.

Perhaps in an upcoming episode, some entrep-manure will offer "American NOISE Clothing." Yes, inspired by Spike Milligan, they will convince the pigs-in-suits to invest in a way for Americans to call attention to themselves not by garish colors or by wardrobe malfunctions, but by garments that EXPLODE with MAXIMUM NOISE AND DAMAGE!