GOOGLE's BRIN and FAT COW ADELE create FAKE BURGER

Funded by Dr. Mengele's grandson, Sergey Brin, scientists in Holland have cloned fat-cells taken from the anus of pop singer Adele, and produced a hamburger.

"Making fake food is important because we are facing world hunger," said Dr. DeVente, who previously has experimented with downloading music illegally so that people don't have to buy "virtual" CDs, CD players, turntables or vinyl. "I cry bitter tears that so many people don't have jobs, thanks to Google letting everyone get free movies, music, books and apps. With such a bad economy, and overpopulation, soon nobody will be able to enjoy a fine birthday dinner at Applebees! Boo hoo ha ha ho ho hee hee."

The answer, according to Dr. DeVente at the lab in Holland, is to let people eat cloned artificial food: "This is the most exciting thing I've seen since the World Trade Center was destroyed!"

Adele grabbed the burger, squealed "Bite Me" in her patented high-decibel voice, and gobbled it in one gulp. She paused and then said, "Don't I get an award?"

Sergey Brin, showing off the latest version of Google Glasses, enthused, "When you wear these glasses, it can make the burger look bigger than it is, or even make it seem like something even more desirable, like Eric Schmidt's genitalia.

Best of all, with Google maps, we can trace the progress from your mouth to your asshole. Monitoring your G-mail, we will know if you say a disparaging word about it. By checking where you go on Google, and what you watch on YouTube and download from Blogger, we will also be able to figure out what your favorite foods are that we should counterfeit. And of course we will do our best to wipe out the natural supply of those foods by taking over farms to build Google office compounds! Prices for our foods will end up costing twice as much as you thought, and we ONLY accept credit cards via Google payments! It's a brave new world!"

The risk of cancer from this new artificial burger...has yet to be determined. Why science isn't more concerned with stem cell research to help paralyzed people walk...has yet to be determined. What will happen when 3D computer printouts and Chinese knock-off importers duplicate the fake food...has yet to be determined.

Google has announced that Adele will have her name on every package of "Artificial Cow." This will entitle her to a royalty of approximately one penny on the pound. Sergey Brin believes that once the Adele Burger catches on, a side dish of Eric Schmidt's fat will be offered as a substitute for potatoes, marketed under the catchy slogan, "Eat Schmidt!"

"The sky's the limit!" declared Brin.

"SKYFALL!" declared Adele.