ROGER WATERS NEW SONG: "ANOTHER PRICK FULL OF GALL"

Barrett-upon-Hubris, August 22, 2013

Here is news from the small town where Roger Waters vacations.

Whenever Waters is not playing dictator to his brown-shirted brigade of grips, hacks and stick insects carrying his equipment and props to his infrequent gigs, he ass-holes up to his birdshit-bedewed cottage in a small town noted for its increasing drug abuse. There, desperate to write something that would be as respected as the work of Syd Barrett, but doomed by his own arrogance, he abuses his quill. The quill is from a live chicken (a relative of Roger's). Failing to write any decent lyrics, he puts the quill back in the chicken, which festoons splattery-white birdshit onto his hair in retribution.

The other day, Roger was working out on his treadmill to oblivion, an expensive Apple-designed hamster wheel that he calls his iRan. Falling on his ass, he got a lyric idea. Bathed in inspiration and perspiration, he rushed to his shelf of sound equipment, which he calls his iRack. He tried speaking the lyrics into his iMe Mine Mike, but could only lip sync. He went into his yard and began choking his chicken. He pulled out a quill, and wrote what Fink Ploy fans say is the start of an autobiographical new work!

It's Roger's first significant creative achievement since 1983, when he looked down into the toilet at an Oslo hotel while on tour, and discovered he'd made a perfectly round turd the size of a Swedish meatball. He named it "Christer," declaring it "not to be missed."

Sadly, a rival rock group had a groupie named Hans, who quickly swallowed the meatball while making animal sounds. It's been Hansy's substitute Adam's apple ever since. And, making matters wurst, Hans has continuously sent Roger fake shit meatballs made out of Dutch pigmeat, addressed to "Toilet Waters." Using a Photoshop of himself as the Ayatollah, Hans chides Roger via six million Blogspot blogs, for not being more like Hansy's mentor, Adolf Hitler, in writing bullying screeds encouraging people to rise up and abuse a minority.

Waters, unable to move his lazy, drugged-up fans into action (most of them simply say that all Israelis and Palestinians look alike) has taken to "social media" to spread his social diseases. But despite warnings from past rockers who took part in everything from "Concert for Bangladesh" to "Farm Aid" to "Live Aid," and who know that it's as impossible to change the world as it is for Crosby, Stills and Nash to have another hit, Roger has kept butt-plugging away.

And at last, according to a drummer who spies through Roger's window making angry faces and pounding on his penis, the new song has been completed. The drummer pressed his face against the window (leaving an impression that can only be described as foul coagulated grease) and copied down the precious autobiographical words. These he sold to the news agency Goiters, who could not make back their investment because a) the lyrics were instantly pirated all over the internet, and b) they never did pay the drummer a penny. They just gave him the password to a forum of gays who like to cruise cruise ships. There, under the alias "Bangin-Upon-Homos," he claims to be tidying up his home for "when the lady of the house is away, and I'm the lady of the house…"

Meanwhile, under the heading of "Waters Leak," Roger has issued a fatwa, or rather, a website editorial, insisting he has NOT officially published his new song for the world because there's a missing stanza that is giving him trouble: "First off, I can't find anything that rhymes with kike except like. And I don't like kikes."

Secondly, he wants to complete the entire work, and that means polishing up the other songs, which include: "Get Your Filthy Hands off My Swastika," "Give Birth to an Antisemite," "Goodbye Jew Guy," "Can't Beat Pig Meat, You Kosher Fool," "It Would Be So Nice if Israel Was Blown Off The Map," "Let There Be More Suicide Bombers in Tel Aviv Pizza Parlors," "Not Now, I'm on the John," "Paranoid Ass," "Shine On You Crazy Palestinians," "Walk Up to Thy Concentration Camp and Die," "Welcome to the Lip Sync Machine," "Wish You Were Herr," and "Is There Anybody Out There Who Misses Dr. Mengele?"

And now,

"ANOTHER PRICK FULL OF GALL, part one"

I don't need no education
I believe in thought control
My dark sarcasm is "I like Jews"
(I won't leave them Jews alone)
LOVE photos where they're skin and bone!
All in all I'm just another prick full of gall.
All in all I'm just another prick full of gall.

(repeat several times, fly a pig overhead, ignore audience cries for a reunion with Gilmour)

"Wronged: Palestinians!"
"Wronged: Palestinians!"
"If you don't boycott Israel, you can't have any Pink Floyd. how can you
have any Pink Floyd if you don't boycott Israel?"
"Me? Get royalties from sales to JEWS? Well, uh, they're in my account earning interest on the Left Bank…"

I don't need no circumcision
I am such a total prick!
My dark sarcasm is "Final Cut!"
Jews go first, then blacks and spics
Arnold Layne's real last name was Laynestein? You're SICK!
Cut that schtick! I'm just another ignorant prick!
Cut that schtick! I'm just another ignorant prick!