The British Can Boycott NYC Too

The other day, Australia was complaining that the USA was unsafe due to thrill-happy monkeys with guns.

Today?

The Brits can say the same thing...about ethnic maniacs on bikes and driving taxi cabs...killers and maimers on a regular basis.

The NY POST, which always finds a disgusting way to be amusing, headlined today's paper...

HACKED...

Yes, "hack" is a rather antiquated term for a taxi, but a very accurate term for what a cab did to a British tourist's legs. A bomb couldn't have done much worse.

There is no question that a pedestrian has to be very savvy and alert to walk around NYC. The cab drivers are all hot-head lunatics from the Crazy Countries...immigrants who are being stoked to dangerous speeding extremes by their idiot passengers and by their fellow-freaks, the bike messengers who swerve and speed and dart and dash all over the place because they aren't required to have license plates and are rarely ticketed for anything they do.

“I am praying to Allah for her that she is getting better. Please pray for her and me,’ said Mohammed Himon, the cab driver. Mohamed El Sayed, a hot dog vendor, put the woman's foot in a bucket of ice, but it seems that there was too much damage and it can't be re-attached.

That takes care of the two Muslims at the scene...NYC being loaded with them.

The guy on the bike? A Latino, last name Olivo. So he's probably not from Bangladesh, as Mohammed Himon is. The two of them are currently feuding over who caused the accident. The cab driver insists he was distracted by the impatient bicyclist. The bike guy says the cab driver wouldn't get out of the way, and gunned his engine instead...bike guy ending up on top of the cab, tourist ending up underneath.

The tourist had been SO excited about coming to NYC she couldn't stop Instagramming and Tweeting about it. She and her friend were barely in town for very long when they reached mid-town, Rockefeller Center. That's where Radio City Music Hall and NBC TV's studios are. They had the thrill of eating a real New York City hot dog at a real Muslim-run sidewalk stand. With mustard and ketchup (that's NOT something New Yorkers do...it's one or the other, lady. Mostly mustard.)

Now she has a real New York story to tell: "What happened to you?" She (singing) "I left my foot...in New York City..." Maybe the right one, too.

She also got to meet a celebrity. She just was too much in shock to know. "Dr. Oz," (yes, that's his real name...a nutrition guru with his own TV show) was in the area when the accident happened, and lent his expertise to make sure the tourniquets a pair of alert citizens applied were properly applied. Which they were.

Just what the allure of NYC would be to anyone from England, I don't know. Don't you have enough Muslims back home? You've got shitty WEST END musicals and we have shitty BROADWAY ones. Yeah we have the Empire State Building but you have the Tower of London. Both cities have enough big fucking buildings and tourist trap stores. You idiots even have some stupid looking wheel sticking up like your city's a broken hamster cage. WE don't have that. And guess what, we're not anxious to fly over there to see it.

Maybe you don't have enough taxi cabs and bicyclists maiming tourists? Enough gun crime? The exciting possibility of a lesbian replacing your mayor? I know...OUR talk show host can pronounce the letter R. As in David Lett-ERRRRRRRRRRR-man. This poor 23 year-old may have had a ticket to see Dave's show and will now have to watch it from a hospital bed...one surrounded with her picture on the front page of the tabloids. Including the tabloid with the headline HACKED.

How tacky. If it happened in London, where there are so many fans of Richard Wilson, maybe the headline would've been "One foot in the grave." Brits are wittier, aren't they? (I'm trying my best to prove it so with this particular entry....)