Hey, little Switzerland, APOLOGIZE to BIG FAT OPRAH, RULER OF THE PLANET

Talk about Skyfall...Adele has nothing on this blob. Look what landed in Switzerland, looking REAL classy....

THAT is the way the owner of a cable network dresses?

OK, and how was she dressed when she went joy-shopping in some posh fucking shop? Was she dressed like a successful, rich African-American? Apparently not.

The latest hoo-ha on Oprah's publicity-mad campaign to make her new movie a blockbuster success, is a controversy over how she was treated in a ridiculously posh shop in Switzerland called Trois Pommes.

A clerk in there didn't think Oprah could afford a $38,000 handbag, and told her so.

You have to figure that a fashionista snot working at Trois Pommes knows who has money, who could be royalty and who could be part of some corrupt banana republic's wealthy diplomatic corps. She judges people by their dress, speech, and yes, ethnicity, but knows that these days low class rappers and dirt bag pimps have all the money. Even white people can look like losers. Howard Hughes SMELLED and rarely cleaned his fingernails. But if he wore an expensive jacket or flashed a huge diamond ring, a clerk waited on him. Again, how was Oprah dressed??

The woman on duty didn't think Oprah was worth the time or effort. Didn't see a commission on a sale. If the clerk was really racist, she would've told Oprah to get out, but no, the clerk figured maybe she'd get a commission by showing her a lower-priced item. What's so bad about that? Hey Opie, We ALL, ALL, have had experiences of not being waited on. Of being looked at as a deadbeat. I'm not minimizing your plight as a black who would get this more often than a white, but...it happens.

Want to call it ethnic profiling? Go ahead. Ethnic profiling saves lives. This saleswoman's first priority is herself. Then her store and merchandise. Last thing she needs is to turn her back on somebody who might pull out a gun, or signal for three thugs to enter the store. And yet, in this case, she was ready to turn her back on Oprah...but to show her a lower priced item.

Oprah, who happens to be on a publicity tour for her movie about how awful whites have been to blacks, went on "Entertainment Tonight" to talk about this timely incident. Here's her quote:

“I say to the woman, excuse me, may I see the bag above your head, and she says to me, ‘No, it’s too expensive,’“She said, no, no, no you want to see this one because that one will cost too much you won’t be able to afford that one.’

You tell me. You're alone in the store? You've got a big blowsy broad in front of you who wants you to turn your back and go get a fucking $38,000 handbag...what DO you do? I wasn't there. I'm asking.

But let's all sigh for poor, poor Oprah. The world still isn't perfect. Not even in Switzerland. Not, in Zimbabwe, if you can stand to read anything about what goes on over there.

Maybe this store clerk could've gotten on the phone and asked for another clerk to come out and help. Maybe there was nobody else in the store. According to the news reports, and this might really be what hurt the great Oprah, this clerk "DID NOT RECOGNIZE" her. Well, duh. Who the fuck knows who this gigantic cow is outside of the United States? Is the Oprah Winfrey show, with its mostly trivial bullshit (Tom Cruise jumping up and down on a couch) important to people around the world?

The headlines today involve the store apologizing. Not only that the Swiss government apologizing! Last thing Switzerland needs is for braying bully Oprah to snap her fingers and make sure no celebrity goes to that country unless hiding there from rape charges. Do you suppose Oprah might get her head out of her substantial ass and notice that Switzerland is home to Rapidshare? A company that makes millions by allowing the theft of copyrighted movies?? Nah, not her department. $38,000 for a purse...that's money well spent!

So the store is fawning, the country is fawning...but you must do your part, too. Light a candle and send Oprah a psychic message of solidarity. And never, EVER engage in ethnic profiling. You see a homeless schmuck, some hostile ethnic, some wild-eyed teenager...don't cross the street, or keep your hand on your camera or purse. Just give a smile. Let that person accost you with a sob story, or think of you as a ripe target.

Just remember Oprah is the Queen of All Media (even if her TV show is ephemeral, her magazine isn't much, and nobody really cares about her movie or theater productions). And don't admit that even Wendy Williams is more entertaining and a better ad-libber than Oprah.

Christ. And what the FUCK is this fat bitch going to do with a $38,000 purse? Show it off at some party? How many woman do very well with one that costs $38? Or even $8? This is all you have to do with your time and money, fart around Switzerland's ritzy shops, buying overpriced fashion shit you don't need? Again, maybe if Oprah was actually carrying around a $38,000 purse in the first place, this store clerk would've been impressed.

Because, if you are being truly honest, the only thing impressive about Oprah Winfrey is she's made a lot of money. I've seen the five disc "Best of Oprah" DVD set not sell for a dollar in a bargain store. That's how it is with a chat show. Her books are in the bargain bin. Has she said anything quotable?

Is she really going to leave much more of an impression on the world than Phil Donahue or Mike Douglas, the former talk show kings of daytime did? Oprah ain't even Dick Cavett...who has issued several DVD sets of old shows that actually have sold, and been reviewed positively. Cavett's wit, his provocative questions and his winning personality STILL entertain. And DICK CAVETT never, EVER bought a $38,000 purse for himself!