Linda Ronstadt joins the OAF brigade

OLD AND FUCKED-UP.

Are you an OAF?

We are ALL getting to be OAFS.

Linda Ronstadt's the latest.

Parkinson's for her.

As if being fat as Stevie Nicks or Ann Wilson of "Heart" wasn't sad enough.

It's pretty sobering, watching our rock idols get pudgy, hoarse, addled, or just plain dead.

Just the other day, I ran into some guy who was telling me how he has gout. GOUT? Who the fuck gets GOUT?

He smiled wanly and said, "These days, I dread it when the phone rings late at night." Right, you know it's not likely to be good news. Same if it rings first thing in the morning. Same if it just rings. At one time you answered the phone with optimism, huh?

Which death started YOUR reality check? Thinking about Ronstadt now unable to sing, I think about one of the guys she championed: Warren Zevon.

Zevon went down thanks to mesothelioma. Yeah, "lung cancer" is how it was reported mostly, but the truth was that he did work in a carpet factory in his youth. He had a fear of doctors (the ones who might have been able to catch the problem early enough to treat it). But he figured that blaming his imminent death on smoking might deter some people from taking up the habit, or help some people quit.

Linda was good about doing cover versions on songs from worthy writers, and Warren was one of the best. She also deserves credit for that "new wave" album she did that nobody seemed to like. The woman had good instincts and good taste at times. I know she was mostly considered a "cover girl," a dorm room babe that, for a time, combined the best of both the Latina look and the German Bond girl types. But she could put over a song pretty well, and despite posing on roller skates and singing a lot of cheese, some of her stuff holds up. Better than she is holding up.

She's 67!

And a sign that she knows that she's through, is that she's publishing her autobiography. Stars have a fear of doing this. They think it's telling the world, "That's it...as good as it gets." Paul Anka is saying he's not going to have another monster hit. Roger Moore is saying he's not only NOT James Bond, he's not a factor in movies anymore. And Linda wanted to get her story out there while she might still be able to autograph copies in a store.

"It Hurts So Bad."

Ronstadt's particular Parkinson's symptoms mean that she needs a wheelchair around if she weakens, and sometimes uses crutches if she's walking on shaky ground...or ground she perceives as shaky. She noticed problems gradually, the way Zevon did when he had shortness of breath. Linda was having trouble singing. She noticed hand tremors. She hasn't made an album since 2006.

Some artists can come back in some way. Dave Davies, after many years, has come back from his stroke, enough to put out a new album that actually has a lot of life to it...pretty strong vocals and his usual noisy brand of lead guitar. If you heard a track on the radio (fat chance) you'd think it was the work of somebody half his age.

But Linda...she is not singing anymore. There are apparently no drugs in her case (as opposed to Michael J. Fox) that can do her that much good. I suppose she's fortunate not to be as fucked up as Muhammad Ali, the man who first made people aware there was such a thing as Parkinson's Disease.

I think we may see some OAF tours in the future. I mean, ones specifically so labeled. George Jones...he tried a farewell tour but literally ran out of oxygen. The man could hardly catch his breath sometimes. He was incredibly weak on stage at times. He canceled shows and went into the hospital...but never gave up on the possibility he'd go back on the road and finish that tour.

Randy Travis? Collapsed. Who knows if he'll be back.

Glenn Campbell...told the world he was fucked up with Alzheimer's and was going around one last time. And he did.

Neil Young's tour ended because one of his Crazy Horse assholes could no longer perform. Rather than get a sub, old Neil figured...fuck it. And maybe, just maybe, he'll join up with his three elderly friends for OAFY...Old AND FUCKED-UP and YOUNG. Young in name only.

Oh, it wasn't so bad when Frank Sinatra croaked. When Dean Martin croaked. When Sammy Davis Jr. croaked. Hardly anyone even blinked when the lead singers of 50's and 60's groups like The Drifters, The Platters or The Four Tops croaked. And if you died of a drug overdose or shot yourself in the head...well, that's basic to being a rock star. But now? Ronstadt with Parkinson's Disease?

Zevon already dead?

Talkin' about my g-g-g-generation's de-generation!