Unable to post to his GOOTUBE account, Barren Cock rolled up a note, tied a string to it, shoved it up Shauna Cuntwell's twat, and had her smuggle it to safety.
"I am being held prisoner," the note says.
"First they shaved my head, and even took away my fabulous sideboards. Still holding me firm, they wrestled my new "Game of Toilets" DVD set away, and hauled me off to the Looney Bin.
"I tried to explain that I'm a famous INTERNET STAR. I begged them to go on GOOTUBE and see a sample of how, with my grunting baby-has-a-tummy-ache gasping voice, I urgently show off all the things I buy on Amazon. And what did they say to me?
"BLODER TROTTEL! BORNIERTER LACKEL! VERBLODET DIKKOPFIG HOLTKOPF!"
"Which translates as Useless imbecile, Petty-minded Jerk, Brainless Pig-headed Idiot.
"I tried to explain that I have a wife and kids that would miss me, and they didn't believe it. I added that I have hundreds of fans who can't do without me showing them how to open a package from Amazon. Somebody stepped on my foot. Finally I began to make a lot of faces, shrug my shoulders, and act like an epileptic proboscis monkey."
He was sent to the infirmary's rubber room, but hopefully he will be out of that and into the oven where he belongs.
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