Royal Variety Garbage and PRINCE HARRY THE NAZI

When the "Britain's Got Talent" winner was announced, she was thrilled. A talented, fairly original dog trainer with a series of creative sketches involving her obedient animals, she said, "I'll LOVE performing FOR THE QUEEN!"

But according to my blogger friend, the only "royal" at the Royal Variety show was PRINCE HARRY the NAZI ASSHOLE.

But maybe, by "The Queen" we mean Simon Cowell, aka Slimy Towel, who smears his influence all over the pop charts and the TV world. He doesn't even mind the gay tweeks of unfunny blob David Dullyums, who keeps up tired fag-banter throughout the BGT shows, raving over campy drag acts and fags who dance with each other or sing about homosexual love.

Slimin' Simon's wet fingerprints were all over the Royal Variety show, with most of the acts being his "discoveries," like the God-awful One Direction.

Any performer not directly controlled by Slimy was a safe, hacky has-been designed to show that Great Britain is a nation of tolerance...a tolerance for mediocrity and homosexuality in the case of the increasingly tedious Elton John and the hopelessly inept Ricky Martin. And who does Kylie Minogue appeal to besides drag queens? PS, England tolerates loud blacks, so let's all applaud for Beverley Knight (because we can't keep having Dame Shirley Brassy every fucking year).

Inexplicably included were The Bores...err, The Corrs, the safe and forgettable Cique du Soleil bunch, and the black-spray-painted chrysanthemum Jeff Lynn who manages to maintain is hair dye and his floral hair style while now underlining that HE runs ELO.

Comedy is always a touchy situation. What stand-up comedians can be booked? Ones who nobody heard of, and who damn well know that any false move and they will be once again consigned to oblivion.

Perhaps as a nod to Great Britain's partner in attracting ISIS terrorist attention the U.S.A., the bill featured ONE American, the bafflingly popular Josh Groban. Groban is actually a nice enough bloke with a sense of humor (he turns up on Jimmy Kimmel's show singing inane novelty lyrics in his poofy, overdramatic and sugary voice). The trouble with Groban is that, along with Harry Chronic Jr., Barbara Shrieksand, Christopher Cunt Cross, Dan Over-the Hill and Bony Tennett, he sings in a shitty, pretentiously precious style that only faggots and lovelorn fat women could enjoy.

The bottom line? Indeed, why go an entire season with "Britain's Got Talent" insisting the winner MUST be good enough to entertain the QUEEN...when the QUEEN doesn't show up? And neither does her inbred idiot son, or even everyone's favorite couple, Baldie, the Barbie Doll and their spawns?