Paulie and Shauna! Happy Holidays Everyone!

Isn't the Christmas season annoying? Long lines. Slow moving dimwits. Crappy pop Christmas tunes in the stores. Zombies who don't have their money ready when they're at the cash register. Dodgy bus schedules. Gift wrapping that costs more than the present. Boring TV specials with sappy people singing about sleigh rides and jingle bells. Glowering Muslims. Fuckheads in Santa Claus hats.

What could make it worse?

Why, the combination of Paul McCartney and Shauna Cuntwell!

Here they are, announcing their EP, titled "Ivory and Ivory."

Says Paul, "I've re-worked my holiday classic for her. It's called "Wonderful Christmas Twat." I sing it directly into her twat. There's a little lapel microphone clipped onto her clit. You know, Shauna reminds me of Heather. She hardly has a leg to stand on. She also reminds me of Mary Hopkin, another blonde bint with an irritating voice."

Irritating is something McCartney always looks for in a hit song: "You can't get it out of your head. Like a bullet from Lee Harvey Oswald. How many times have you hummed one of my songs even though you hate it and don't even own it? Say, Say, Say! Hi Hi Hi!!"

The EP will feature "Silly Twat Songs," "Shauna Had a Little Twat," and "Give Shauna Back to the Irish."

Macca is convinced that "Wonderful Christmas Twat" will be a hit. He says, "It'll do as well as my other recent singles, "Pretty Little Head," "Stranglehold," "Temporary Secretary," "Off the Ground," "Freedom," "Nod Your Head," "Heal the Pain," "Sing the Changes," "We All Stand Together," "New," "Queenie Eye," "Early Days," and "Hope for the Future." He was reminded by the Lord of the Fruit Sale, that "they did not chart."