Nobody's Dredged Up Ickland Strickland Sickland Yet - So Let's Pray, Y'All

One of the major headlines of the day is about the "Country Singer" still missing.

That's the hook. He was a "Country Singer."

Just not one that ANYBODY ever heard of.

What's up with this dopey-faced duck killer?

Go ahead. Do what I did the other day. Check GooTube and see what happens. First guy to come up was not STRICKLAND but STICKLAND. There's a Craig Stickland, who has a beard, plays piano and doesn't have an iTunes deal like the great Shauna Cuntwell. But that's STICKLAND not STRICKLAND.

Continue. Do you get an ickland. A sickland. A sick land...what about STRICKLAND? Ah...

You'll find a few clips about this Strickland guy disappearing, as GooTube ghouls hope to get enough hits to buy a beer with the royalties.

Oh. Hold on. Search a little more, and you find that "Craig Strickland" was the lead "singer" (he can't sing, really) in some assholish bar band, Backroad something-or-other. They didn't have a record deal. You can't buy a download off Amazon. Shauna Cuntwell is on Spotify, not THIS guy.

His band had somebody walkin' the bass, and a bunch of other amateur clods hovering around thrashing on instruments, and your typical idiot savant fiddle player. Oooh, and they're covering Charlie Daniels' fucking boring song about the Devil who went down to Georgia to hear fiddle music. Yeeeee hah.

You might as well headline, if Barren Cock went missing, "Video Critic Disappears" or "Searching for Rock Singer..." That's the media for you. On a slow news day, they'll pretend anyone and everyone is FAMOUS.

If you remember the last Tweet from this Gomer's pal Chase was a boast that he was going to "kill ducks in Oklahoma."

He didn't say "hunt ducks." Because he wasn't a hunter. He was a killer.

Now wifey is getting into the act, getting maudlin and using social media to mewl, "You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

What the fuck does that even mean? Is she Tweeting to the dead Chase Morland, who lured her husband out into a boat on a lake so they could have a bromantic time killing ducks?

If she's implying that Jesus has been wasting time harvesting her tears, and using a pocket calculator to tote up each one and write that in a book...she's NUTS. Jesus just had a birthday, and he's still counting the money he got from every church collection basket and plate. Then he plans to invest in hedge funds.

OK, there's nothing much else this sad, idiot woman can do except enjoy the "nice comments" on Twatter and Farcebook, and preoccupy herself with checking social media every other minute.

She can see her name in the papers, e-mail photos of her and Craig together, and make herself into a martyr by quotin' Scripture, y'all.

Were it not for the Internet, she'd just be sitting by the phone, with a few redneck friends of her idiot husband, and a few dimwit bitches, sullenly munching French Fries and drinking beer, and "waiting it out."

And she'd have to banish the thought that her goofy grinning "country singer" husband preferred his bromance and KILLING DUCKS to being home with her. Not hunting ducks. Remember his never-taking-a-shower-buddy's last words:

"IF WE DON'T COME BACK, BACKROAD CRAIG AND I ARE GOING RIGHT THROUGH WINTER STORM GOLIATH TO KILL DUCKS IN OKLAHOMA."

Lord Jesus, Lord and Savior, if Craig is truly gone, let's hope he and his pal Chase are with you, KILLING DUCKS IN HEAVEN.