Groupon Tells You - What's Hot and What's Twat

Groupon has caught on in America. Subscribe and they send you "deals" on overstocked garbage. Failing hair stylists, guitar teachers and shitty chain-store eyeglass places all use Groupon to try and get customers. Same with bad restaurants.

Groupon has this crap for people in every major city, and plenty of "deals" from awful online stores.

It's the local stuff that amuses me with how disgusting and unpopular certain events are.

Groupon quietly "papers" the house for events that people either don't know about or don't care about.

Like...THE CIRCUS!

Who goes there anymore? Little brats aren't impressed by trapeze artists or elephants. All they do is screech and bellow and want hot dogs and spill soda all over the place. Going to the Circus is VERY UNPLEASANT. Cruelty to animals. Unfunny clowns. Jerks all over the place, and parents making more noise than their brats as they shout, "Oooh, look look look, HUN..."

No wonder already cheap tickets have been reduced.

One reason I wouldn't chance most any of these horrible offers, is that you are STUCK in your SEAT. If you try to avoid some noisy disgusting slobs, and go find an empty seat elsewhere, you're told GET BACK TO WHERE YOU ONCE BELONGED. Even if the seat is higher up than your original.

Another Groupon voucher offered two hours use of a skating rink. Oh, what fun, bumping into klutzes and being decked by show-offs spinning aroun). It was $37, which is pretty over-priced.

Another offer guaranteed "three hours of pinball" for just $15. WHO THE FUCK PLAYS PINBALL FOR THREE SOLID HOURS?? Well, that's why the pinball joint graciously cut their price in half. PS, they don't have "vintage" machines, just crap from the 70's onward. And what if the machine you want is occupied hour after hour by some obnoxious rodent-like geek?

These days, who wants to go to something dull and educational like the Air and Space Museum? What do you do, wander around The Intrepid, and see the inside of a submarine? No wonder it got reduced to $20. Not worth it even at that bargain price. First off, it's impossible to get to the place since it's way over near the river and only a slow bus comes close. Bill Hoobastank would tell you that paying $30 to get into a memorabilia show and look at the Batmobile is money wiser spent.

I was surprised there was a Groupon to watch The New York Knicks play basketball. Sports events usually sell out. The again, the Knicks aren't doing well this year. Even so, the average person isn't going to be tempted to watch glanduluar Negroes in flashy underwear, squeaking their sneakers and racing up and down a court slamming a ball in an obviously too-low net. The discount lowered the ticket price to ONLY $76, which is still very fucking expensive in terms of value for money. The only thing worse than the game itself is being surrounded by beer-smelly white oafs shouting at the top of their lungs.

Groupon! To paraphrase Kipling, it's where the best is like the worst.