Do They Know It's Christmas, the Twats?

Why are you wearing a gigantic floor-length FUR COAT, Queen Bitch? You think you're Aretha Franklin? Why don't you separate yourself from the simians and show the world that in the 21st Century there's no reason to need dead animals to keep warm?

Yeah, a Royal pain in the ass. She could be sending a message of humanity, of decency, of kindness to animals. Naaaahhh.

Meanwhile, America's Royals simply showed off their ostentatious smirking. We're RICH, we live a DREAM LIFE, and just like the British Royals, there's NO reason for us to have all this money and fame.

The self-absorbed Kardashians and Jenners have nothing better to do than show off, and "gift" the peasants with selfies of themselves. What could be more charming than an insincere bunch of twats all doing anus-lips for the camera. Mmmmmmmwahhh, feast on the shit that comes out of our dimwit mouths.

Yes, Kuntrashian and Kuntye's daughter is old enough to be part of the royal festivities. What's she gonna turn out to be, a well-grounded woman with common sense and humility? An impossible niglet? Or a drug overdose like the fabulous Bobbi, daughter of Shitney? And why should anyone care?

Oddly the big news in England is that Bieber and the Slimy Towel contest winner missed #1 on Christmas week. Oh yes, and there was the big Down Syndrome Abbey vs Up Your Rear Ender show and a greeting from the Queen.

America has none of that, because America is simply too selfish and greedy. The tradition in America is to run riot, literally, in the department stores, order a ton of crap online, and spend Christmas opening presents and eating.

#1 record for Christmas? Utterly meaningless, and even when there were actual radio stations, nobody cared. First off, the odds were pretty good that the #1 song would be some inane piece of Christmas shit. If there's been any "tradition" in America around December 25th, it's the Christmas Cash-in, from "The Christmas Song" by Mel Torme to "The Chipmuk Song" by The Chipmunks...and over the years, feeble pieces of idiocy old (Elvis Presley and those types resurrecting classic Xmas tunes to cover) to new (Lennon and McCartney trying to outdo each other with sappy-melody Christmas jibberish).

A quick check of the Billboard charts tells you that around Chritmas, it was more likely the #1 song might be "April Love" by Pat Boone, "Why" from Frankie Avalon, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" by the Tokens, "Telstar" by the Tornadoes, "Over and Over" by the Dave Clark Farts, "I Feel Fine" by The Beatles, "Angie Baby" by Helen Reddy, "Let's Do it Again" by the Staple Singers, "The Pina Colada Song" by Rupert Holmes, "Just Like Starting Over" by John Lennon or "Maneater" from Hall and Oates.

A Christmas song would likely get the dimwitted "It did not chart" from the clueless, musically retarded Lord of the Boot Sale. You know him...Santa Clueless, the guy who gives away anything, buys anything, and has all the brains of a dung beetle. He will listen to anything and none of it registers, really. Sort of like a baby slurping up any goo on a spoon, and then posting it to the diaper 8 hours later.

The late-night talk shows are all in re-run (showing episodes from around Thanksgiving). Prime time is loaded with re-runs of old holiday specials from Charlie Brown cartoons to doped-up rock and C&W morons pretending to have family values. They should sing lyrics that truly reflect their lives: "The weather outside is frightful...but being rich delightful...we have scored an ounce of blow...let it snow let it snow let it snow..."

Most hit TV shows are in re-run weeks before Christmas. Nobody wants to work. There are no prime-time serials or soap operas that have any kind of climactic moment that would make people turn away from going to the mall or spending all night on Amazon. (How many decades ago did "Dallas" score ratings with "Who Killed J.R." or MASH with their final episode, or "The Fugitive" confronting the one-armed man??) The President has nothing to say and you might have to flip through 500 cable channels to find a "Midnight Mass" anywhere. The USA shuts down, pretty much, as fast as California schools after an e-mailed ISIS threat from a prankster in Romania.

Now it's time to limp along through the dreary "Year in Review" media blitz, which, of course, focuses on the beautiful Prince and Princess and what they did in England, and the even more beautiful Kardashian and Jenner bunch, and what they did all year, from showing their naked asses to plumping and pouting their jelly-filled lips. One of the Jenners won the prize for "most favorited Instagram photo of the year." All she did was lie down and pout while an army of make-up and hair people and lighting people made the silk purse out of the sow's ear.

Again, in the spirit of SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT ISIS, those religious fanatic loonies do NOT appreciate decadence or vanity. At least, not officially. Their idea of "holiday" is to not buy anything and grovel toward Mecca. Their only vanity might be to check the mirror and see how closely their skin color matches hummus.