Darren Locke contributes sideburns for Cohen's grim GRIMSBY movie

"I'm finally in show biz," says fat, pussy-voiced Darren Locke. "At least, my sideburns are. Sacha Baron Cohen, some kind of awful Jew, said he needed low-class sideburns for his new movie character. Naturally he came to ME.

"I only wish he gave me some credit. Like: sideburns courtesy of a self-important basement-dwelling fat slob who pretends to be a reviewer, and makes a lot of piggy-faces that aren't kosher."

The film won't arrive till MARCH, but clever Cohen (you know how "those" people are) is banging the drum for it. It doesn't seem to be about Grimsby after all. It's a corny tale of two brothers separated at birth. One becomes a secret agent, the other a Grimsby jackass living with a fat cow wife.

Missed his walk-on on Kimmel's show? Don't worry.

These days you don't need cable or Kickass. Just go to GooTube where greedheads like Kimmel instantly shove 5-minute clips so they can make a couple of hundred bucks in GooTube money.

I saw the fucking thing live the other night. Oof. The movie is not looking too funny. Then again, Cohen was no laugh riot either.

IF I'M BEING HONEST, I'm not a fan of this guy. His BORING BORAT character is basically a theft of Steve Martin's "Wild and Crazy Guy" character from SNL and annoying big goofus Will Ferrell. All this BORAT is, is an overbearing jerk with a European accent. Might as well call him Zinhof.

He walked onto Kimmel's show with predictably juvenile humor. "Kimmel," he guffawed, "in my country, that means VAGINE! And Jimmy? That means HAIRY! You are HAIRY VAGINE!" Then he put his hand up over Kimmel's eyes, noting that with his beard, Kimmel does indeed resemble a HAIRY VAGINE.

Haw haw haw.

The film clip he showed takes a few passing swipes at the town of Grimsby, but it's mostly a stupid and predictable "buddy movie." It's mostly the idiot brother screwing things up for the secret agent brother, with a lot of dick and ass jokes.

Still, Cohen's character does have a fat shabby Adele-like Grimsby-slob wife, and he himself is like Darren, compensating for a small penis via long dick-shaped sideburns.

But funny? The audience won't be laughing. At best there will be wide-eyed confusion (Shauna), twisted snarling grimaces (Darren), and the smell of farts (Bill Hoobastank).