Yeah, Internet media is SCREAMING "Miley Cyrus topless!" Like they haven't had enough?

JESUS! (Happy birthday, by the way)

Everywhere on the fucking Internet today, it's "MILEY CYRUS IS TOPLESS ON THE COVER..." of some obscure magazine. It's ALWAYS some obscure magazine.

Like we haven't seen her silly cupcakes a zillion times?

Like there's anything remotely sexy about the gruesome way she makes faces and shoves her tits at the camera?

And that most of the time she's not even really topless?

Here's the not-so-big deal.

She's JUST an idiot celebrity, so I won't rant that I wish her dead.

But I do kind of wish she'd spend the next five years in a coma.

Meanwhile, I just got back from some quick shopping, which was made very painful by, you guessed it, shitty Millennial CHRISTMAS music.

While I was waiting for a slow-moving 20-something COW to put my TWO lousy items in a bag, and hand me my fucking change...I was treated to an entire THREE FUCKING MINUTE pop-rock Nigga'd up version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."

As in "Santa Claus eeeh-eeh-eee-yahs cuh-uh-uh-uh-uhhhhh mee-eeeh-eee-yah-eeeng ta tow-owww-owww-owww-owwaaahh-owwwwn."

It was an equal opportunity migraine...I couldn't be sure if it was some half-breed monster like Icky Minaj singing it, or a stupid little androgyne white bitch trying to be black, like Viley Virus, or perhaps even Justa Beeper.

I thought maybe it was ancient Mariah Carey, the brown Ghost of Christmas Past.

I checked iTunes and it was none of the above. (Icky hasn't yet soiled the song by the way).

Just who raised my blood pressure, I will never know, since I'm not about to waste more time listening to Millennial coked-up versions of this incredibly annoying song.

I'll just add that I'm glad the hype is almost over, and the depressing worldwide propaganda that buying shit makes you happy.

PS, you idiots in Santa hats, you clowns singing pop Christmas tunes out loud and off-key as you stroll down the street, you are making yourself a target for a Muslim with a rifle.