The Frightful Fate of Frey - It Wasn't Pretty

The Eagle has landed...in a box.

Glenn Frey (pronounced FRY) is dead. Huh. What did he die of?

Nothing pleasant. In fact, it was a cocktail of THREE hellish diseases.

I know, most people who've heard of the THREE hellish diseases are snorting: "Is this some kind of spoof, like PAUL IS DEAD? You don't DIE from such MINOR things.

ONE:

Arthritis, huh? Come on, you're a big boy, Glenn. Rub in some ointment or something.

TWO:

Ulcerative colitis? Stop your belly-aching! Eat some yogurt and you're fine.

THREE:

Pneumonia? Hey, fool, what are electric blankets for? Warm yourself up! Besides, you live in California don't you? And you're not in your 80's.

Sorry, doubters...despite three such minor ailments, Glenn Frey actually IS dead, because Don Henley is Tweeting about it, and Don is the soul and conscience of Jesus Christ himself.

Sad...that this news is not going to shrivel the BOWIE BONER that keeps prodding every asshole on the planet. People will say "Jeez, a lot of rockers are dying lately," and go right back to reading drivel about The Thin White Duke's sex life and costumes, costumes and costumes.

Maybe a few fans of California rock are gonna gripe, "Aw, that means we won't have another Eagles reunion." Others will say, "Oh, he wasn't so important. Was he on every Eagles tour? Didn't he quit for a decade? Isn't Henley the guy who sang most of the hits?"

Besides, Frey wasn't writing much lately, was he? Shrug: "How come he didn't spend his last months writing a masterpiece like "BLACK STAR?" Guess it ain't THAT bad that he croaked. The great BOWIE issued a brilliant album that explained all the mysteries of life and death, and Frey just lay around in pain. But probably not because he probably was given lotsa cool drugs."

Some media websites are downplaying Frey's death his voice wasn't that obvious in the harmonies, and so many Eagles songs were co-writes that even included non-band members like Jackson Browne or J.D. Souther or half of Los Angeles, right duuuuuude??

Nobody's denying that he DID write all the lyrics to arguably the best and most confusing and disturbing song the band ever did: "Hotel California."

It's one eerie fucker, isn't it? What's it about, somebody who comes to a creepy hotel and encounters The Shining, or something?

There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
"This could be Heaven or this could be Hell"
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place...

Hey, fuckin' Dylanesque, what with that ending and all:

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax, " said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! "

You can never leave?

Sure you can leave. Next stop: the cemetery. Or you can be blowin' in the wind.

I'm sure that when Glenn was diagnosed with the first of his ailments, but I'm sure at the time he was told not to worry. You know: "Frey Sera, Sera."

And he sure ain't worrying now.

Arthritis, Colitis and Pneumonia...you aren't supposed to die from any of 'em when you're in your 60's. You just are supposed to grin, joke about it, keep a smile on your face, and do what's important, which is not to inconvenience others, not to complain, and to ENTERTAIN.

I have a feeling his last months on this Earth were a hell of heartbreak, humiliation and pain.