NY Philharmonic plugs Dutch Douche: JAP von SWEDEN

What pride does New York City have when it can't find ONE man in EIGHT MILLION to lead its orchestra?

There are 300 MILLION people in the country. The New York Philharmonic couldn't even find ONE AMERICAN to lead their fucking orchestra?

They had to choose some guy who looks like a villain in some movie about a girl with a dragon tattoo?

To entice people into faggot "DAVID GEFFEN HALL" (don't you usually name buildings after dead people???) they picked a Dutch Douche with a multi-ethnic name that looks like JAP von SWEDEN.

As sophisticated urbane New Yorkers are saying all over town: "WHAT THE FUCK?????"

Let me be the first to congratulate JAP VON SWEDEN, whose name resounds with the nationalities of the two main countries who tried to take over the world in World War II, plus the nation that encourages nose-thumbing piracy.

JAP VON SWEDEN: EAT SHIT.

Er, that's congratulations, in my book. I didn't say "EAT SHIT AND DIE."

After all, this guy may well be a fairly good conductor, although all the good ones are dead. Nobody can whip an orchestra into performing standards any better than what you can hear on recordings by Ormandy, Bernstein, Reiner, Solti or other past masters. What the FUCK can you do with a Mozart or Beethoven symphony now? Play it a little faster or slower or softer or louder than what you'll find on any of six or a dozen already definitive versions???

IF I'M BEING HONEST, the only way JAP VON SWEDEN will get asses in the seats is if he shows up in drag. Either that or be as repulsive as he looks and start poking people in the eye with his baton, or shitting his tux.

What do you suppose a DUTCH DOUCHE can do to innovate the classical music world? Offer "The Symphonic Beach Boys?"

Maybe he'll declare "Music should be free," and encourage people to bring their recorders in, and float every show up to "Dime," the leading music theft torrent. This, with a tag, "Upped by Cal E. Fornia De Vente, aka Lonely Surfer, Sobbing Fat Boy, Ayatollah Forum Destroyer, and Deleter Of Other Peoples' Links."

Haitink...I mean, I THINK, that a foreigner should conduct the orchestra in his own fuckin' country. It might be ok for a Bernard Haitink or a Daniel Barenboim (not a Barren Lock) to "guest" conduct somewhere, to attract curious music fans and give the musicians a change of pace, but to be the permanent conductor? HELL NO.

I want to hear New Yorker Leonard Bernstein conducting the NY Philharmonic, or Sir Neville Marriner conducting "St. Martin's in the Fields" (even if he didn't actually live in the fields). If you're a foreigner but willing to relocate permanently, ok. I assume George Szell lived in Cleveland, and Ormandy in Philadelphia. Even when they were ok, I wasn't too thrilled hearing Pierre Boulez or Zubin Mehta conducting the NY Philharmonic, and on site alone, a big NO to Kurt Masur. That guy didn't look like a New Yorker, he looked like a fat delicatessen owner.

This problem with conductors is mirrored elsewhere, like the sports world. How many members of any sports team actually LIVE in the town they play for?

Fans are willing to suspend the truth and think "Hey, MY city is great..." because the city was able to buy players from other parts of the world?? And these players live in another city during the off-season?

PS, most Major League football, baseball, or basketball players are from AMERICA, with very few exceptions. And NONE are from Holland. There's no JAP VON SWEDEN playing for the New York Giants, New York Knicks or New York Yankees.

What have we learned? That the New York Philharmonic is such a bunch of inept dunderheads needing to be whipped into shape by a non-playing Dutchman? Look at this guy. He speaks with a goofy accent, wears wooden shoes, buys hookers in shop windows, smokes dope, sticks a finger in any dyke he sees, and loves "soft" music and Photoshopped pictures of Laura Bush with her skirt off.

Jap Von Sweden?

CODA: "Fuck Off."

Fortissimo: "FUCK OFF!!"

Finale: "FUCK OFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!! YOU DUTCH DOUCHE OF A TWAT!"