"HELLO! IT'S ME, AMY WESTON. WESSON. WETSON. WETSLIT. WHATEVER.
"THANKS to EVERYONE who GAVE MONEY SO I COULD SIT IN FRONT OF A CAMCORDER AND READ CHAPTERS OF "PRIDE AND PREJUDICE" ON YOUTUBE!
"AFTER ALL, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A TEXT READING FEATURE ON COMPUTERS, AND NO LIBRARY HAS A BOOK ON TAPE VERSION OF SUCH AN OBSCURE TITLE. AND EVERYONE WANTS TO HEAR SOME BINT READ CHAPTER AFTER CHAPTER OF AN OLD BOOK.
"MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL IS SURE TO BECOME A SENSATION, JUST LIKE THAT POTATO-HEADED FUCKFACE DARREN LOX, WHO PUTS ON HEADPHONES AND DESCRIBES THE ALBUM HE'S LISTENING TO.
"ISN'T IT FASCINATING WHAT OBESE PEOPLE WILL DO AS THEY WAIT TILL THEY DROP DEAD OF A HEART ATTACK?
"I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU ALL A HEADS-UP ON MY NEXT KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN. I HAVE BEEN RECORDING THE SOUND A DEFLATING BASKETBALL MAKES WHEN I CLENCH IT WITH MY TWAT!
"I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO PAY FOR MY MICROPHONE, HEADPHONES, OR THE BASKETBALL. HOWEVER, I COULD USE SOME MONEY FOR MY NEXT GYNECOLOGY VISIT. I'LL BE USING THE VET AT THE WHIPSNADE ZOO.
"YES, I'M SURE HE'LL BE ABLE TO WHIP MY SNADE BACK INTO SHAPE. OR AT LEAST MAKE IT TIGHT ENOUGH THAT I DON'T ECHO WHEN I WALK. I MEAN, IT'S NICE THAT AT THE MOMENT I CAN HIDE MY PURSE IN MY TWAT, BUT I GET DIRTY LOOKS ON THE BUS WHEN I PAY MY FARE.
"ALL SERIOUSNESS ASIDE, I'M TICKLED THAT PEOPLE ARE PAYING MONEY TO MAKE SURE I STAY IN THE FUCKING HOUSE WITH HEADPHONES ON FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME. I'M ALSO TICKLED WHEN I SIT ON A FIRE HYDRANT AND SLIDE HALFWAY DOWN! AT LEAST IT'S GOOD FOR A LAUGH AND A DOUCHE.
"THANKS AGAIN, AND TO THE NIGGA I SWIPED THE BASKETBALL FROM...DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL GET IT BACK, AND AFTER AN OVERNIGHT SOAK IN BLEACH AND COATING IT WITH RUBBER SEALANT, IT'LL BE ALMOST AS GOOD AS NEW. AS FOR MY TWAT, THAT'LL TAKE MORE TIME! AND THE VET! SO DONATE, DONATE, DONATE!
"PS, AFTER THAT, I WILL DO A KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN TO HAVE TATTOOS ON MY TITS. I WANT "PRIDE" ON ONE BOOB AND "PREJUDICE" ON THE OTHER, AND I HOPE TO FIND SOME WHITE GUY AND SOME BLACK GUY TO SUCK ON EACH.
"THANKS AGAIN FOR MAKING MY LIFE SO MEANINGFUL!"
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