Amy: "I'm Dick-starting My Cocky Ideas Again!"

Amy Wagglestiff-Wetone, newly hired by Barren Cock as his musical partner, believes 2016 is her year!

"I might lose my virginity," she grins. "I'm SO famous now! Surely somebody will be turned on seeing me read ancient stories on GooTube! Another ego boost is that I've been picked to form a duo with another GooTube legend (although with his and my double-chins it's a quartet). Now is definitely the time to go on Dickstarter again and try to get other people's money!"

You might remember THIS abject failure, the time Amy was inspired to try the commemorative coin business. She saw a Scotland coin and was inspired.

A coin for Scotland? How about one for her beloved Yorkshire?? Since she's a GENIUS at art, and her hobby is drawing diseases, parasites and infections, she designed her own coin. Lord knows, if you go to Yorkshire you won't find a plate, spoon or coin to commemorate the place. Just a lot of Yorkshire pudding and dog crap. Which is the same thing.

"I am a cheap twat, so I never spend my OWN money on my ideas. I designed the coin, but somebody ELSE can pay to smelt it. Why not? Whenever someone comes near me, they say "I smelt it."

Her idea was that once people paid for the coins, she'd waddle around Yorkshire pestering gift shops to take them on consignment. Who wouldn't want to pay for a totally worthless coin commemorating a place you wouldn't want to buy a souvenir postcard from?

Too bad less than 25 people even bothered to look at her GooTube presentation.

She actually did better with her follow-up, whining about wanting to read a book on GooTube and needing money for a microphone or voice lessons or chewing gum to keep her twat preoccupied while she was reading. Whatever, a few people people DID pony up the hundred pounds she wanted. The result, as almost nobody's seen, is her sitting her fat ass in a chair and reading a chapter a week. True, there is no shortage of "books on tape" free versions of EVERY classic ever written, easy to download and also easy to find on GooTube. But her neighbors paid just so they could be assured she'd spend more time indoors and less time putting her fish-stink in the air.

But buoyed by that success, and being chosen by Barren to sing with him, she's at it again. Her new product idea is....

"The Barren Cock Wigglestiff! It's a vibrator with a top that resembles Darren's head. Flip the switch and his head jiggles and shakes like it does when the postman delivers a new Bowie CD from Amazon.

"The replica has a clit-tickling "beard" an inch below the tip. It can't miss. Well, unless you're a fat homely dollop of pudding with pudgy arms and huge thighs and you can't quite angle it into your twat."

Amy offers incentive gifts.

"Donate 100 pounds, and you get a free download of a song either by Shauna, Bill, Barren & Me, Zayn Paki-Stink or Viley Virus. Donate 500, and you get a complete copy of me reading "Moby Dick," the diary of when I sat on a dildo and it harpooned my asshole. Donate 1000, and you get the Barren Cock Wigglestiff, along with a pair of my soiled knickers to sniff. And for 5000, you get the Barren Cock Wigglestiff without a pair of my soiled knickers to sniff."