TOOTHPICKS AND THAT: THE FAREWELL SINGLE

Always seizing on an opportunity for one last chance at fame, TOOTHPICKS AND THAT quickly upped a final single to iTunes.

As Darren explains: "We had nothing better to do. We never have anything better to do.

"The song reflects the shock and pain of breaking up.

"Bill was very enthusiastic. It turned out he thought I said the shock and pain of breaking wind.

"Shauna of course insisted it had to be a cover. I tried to find a good heartbreak song, and chose Elton John's "Love Lies Bleeding in My Hand." Shauna had no idea. Never heard of Elton, John, or "hand." So I smacked her across the face with one of mine.

"She said, 'Oh, the thing I use to insert tampons! That's a hand! I learn something new every day!"

She and the band rehearsed for an arduous half a minute, and then recorded

MY TWAT'S BLEEDING IN MY HAND.

Shauna, aware that she is the big iTunes star, refused to finish the recording unless she got extra billing. The single's photo reflects this.

Darren: "I'm not sure the lyrics scan when you read them, but I never bother much about technical things. I just do it all in one take and move on to some other stupid thing. If one person or 100 or 1000 knows it exists, it's all the same to me.

"The important thing was that we all appeared on this single. Now, never say never, but I'm rehearsing with that brilliant fat bint I found, Shauna has solo plans, and Bill is currently digging up Paul Kantner's grave hoping to get a photo of himself with Paul before the rot sets in."

MY TWAT'S BLEEDING IN MY HAND

DARREN (verse)

The knickers on your hairless box are tilted to one side
Every time I smell your crotch I think that something died
Oh I told you for a year or more that you were such a bitch.
I said "Sorry, Shauna when you sing off key
my cock softens to an inch."

SHAUNA (chorus)

My twat's bleeding in my hand
Oh it kills me to think that my flow came 'cause I was banned
But the second that you called me with your break-up stunt
I got a funny feeling deep inside my cunt!
My twat's bleeding in my hand!

DARREN: (verse)

I wonder if twat shaving's left a scar on you
'Coz it's 10 or 20 blades a week that you would stubble through
Your twats all raw and pink. I hope you're happy now
When the winds of change fly up your skirt, girl
Your twat whistles "biff bam pow."

BILL: (Bridge)

Ohhhh ohhhh ohhhh ohhhh, grrrrr, grrrrrrr, gurgle….

SHAUNA (Chorus)

My twat's bleeding in my hand
If I cut a lip while I was shaving, I would understand
Bill said he got a nosebleed when Darren said "You're canned."
He shit his nappy hard and then he split his pants!
My twat's bleeding in my hand!

BILL: (outro)

Ohhhh ohhhh ohhhh ohhhh, farrrrrrrt, farrrrrrt