ICKY PAKI "INZANE MALIK" and his Musical Naan

Oh, a SLOWWWW news day.

You have a choice of three IDIOT items.

ONE: the Twitter "feud" between Kanye and his rival Piss-Wiz and coconut-headed bint Amber Rose (whom they both fucked but at different times). The only amusing moment was when Amber Tweeted about how she "played" in Kanye's asshole. She implied that if he didn't shut up she just might get more graphic in future Tweets. Charming, huh? PS, Kanye began Tweeting how he wants peace and good will for all.

TWO: Gawky Paul Kantner Kroaked, he of the largely forgotten psycha-delic band Jefferson Airplane Starship Toilet Plunger. Grace Slick didn't die. So why care?

THREE: news about Paki freak Zayne Malik. He's the birdbrain who struts around with his hair dyed blond and moussed up to resemble a cassowary in heat.

By default, the world is going with THREE. (Although always in contention: BOWIE, who as of this writing is STILL DEAD).

Inzane dropped his new music video, timing it to REPLACE being on Graham Norton's show. Guess he wanted to see his controlled, carefully done video get a few million hits. Guess he didn't dare make a fool of himself with a bad performance on TV instead.

Malik got headlines for spurning the affable-poofter. Pretty sad. There's no bigger cheerleader than Graham Norton. Malik was that afraid of failure? Norton would've been fawning and deferential, doing his good Oprah imitation, working his imbecile audience into a frenzy by bellowing a guest's name over and over: "MALIK IS HERE!!! CONTAIN YOURSELVES! WE'RE ALL SO EXCITED! HE'LL SING FOR US LATER IN THE SHOW!!!"

Snubbing Norton and subbing a VeVo video made sure to get him front page coverage in the U.K., though the news won't interest anyone but girls who don't yet have pubic hair they can shave.

InZane, now 23, seems to want to pull a Bieber (not literally). He wants to pretend he appeals to women, not GIRLS. He wants to pretend he sings music not "POP." He's delusional. And no amount of creepy artwork in his videos will help. Creepy shit like this:

Inzane insists his creepy, predictably pandering sex video is essential because sex "shouldn't be swept under the rug." What, like his cooties? How laughable that this guy would say that sex is a taboo topic. Wasn't that Viley Virus twerking and wearing a dildo? Did this guy NOT ever hear of Madonna? Where was he when Bieber was waving his dick in public or pissing in public? Did he somehow NOT see Kuntrashian's huge ass exposed all over the Internet or miss a download of her sex video? Is it possible to type in any word with "safe search" off and NOT have a big twat in your face?

His video is loaded with "sex sells" softcore porn bullshit. It's also got artsy-fartsy peculiar pictures of fawning women of every color and ethnicity: he's a united not a divider.

Or is he?

What's that smelly undercurrent about him? Stinky halal food? That combo odor of armpit and curry? How about that his daddy Yaser (close enough to the infamous first name of the head of the Israeli-killing PLO) made sure that his white wife Tricia "CONVERTED TO ISLAM UPON MARRIAGE."

That phrase comes right out of Wikipedia. You can call me xenophobic (actually, not, since I don't give a fuck about allowing nice OR nasty comments on this blog) but crazies who grab off white women and brainwash them into servitude are part of the UK problem. It's the white man's burden. And what's a white man to do? Be like Bowie and go find a black woman to snigger about and put on an onyx pedestal?

It would be nice to think that the "melting pot" works, but we see that it just might not. Not when Muslims born in the country turn around and leave for Syria to train in terrorism, then come back and blow up whites. Not when they seem like they appreciate the customs of their new country but stockpile weapons and go out one day to murder every unarmed person they can find.

True, for every 1 Muslim maniac there are 999 who don't openly cheer the killer, but maybe only 1 in 1000 condemn the violence.

Yu have only a 1 in 1000 chance of getting Bubonic plague, but the last time there was even one infected immigrant getting off a plane in America, flights from that nation were curtailed and people demanded closed borders.

Is it xenophobia or common sense to NOT like the odds that 1 in 1000 will be a terrorist or that 1 in 1000 will be a carrier of some monkey virus?

But I digress.

The song? It sounds like Dido and Sting had a Down Syndrome child.

The only thing I can say in its favor is that it's turgid mush, and you wouldn't get off the elevator because it was too loud and annoying.

I have no idea what mushmouth's lyrics are, but the "wave" (if that's the "hip" term these days for muddy, hypnotic, meandering sludge) sounds like any Sade album played at 16rpm instead of 33 1/3.

No question this half-breed pussified walking vomitpile of tandoori chicken topped with lemon meringue thinks he's tasty enough to top Bieber's menu. That's why he left One Direction, after all. So he could fuck women of any nationality till he found one to make into his breeder/slave with a burqa on, confined to baking naan while he sings the musically puffy equivalent.

If he wants to be taken seriously, he can stand in line behind Bieber and cry like a little bitch.

Face it, with a barely post-pubescent zombie face, no acting talent, and the emotional range of a chip butty, the only way this asshole can be in a music video and not bore people into a coma is via special effects. He needs Photoshop solarization to make himself seem "heavy," because he really ain't.

Right, so sensitive, so artistic, so...dependent on art direction because he's a one-note ex-One Direction.

Oh, let's just put it plainly: Malik, GO FUCK YOURSELF.