"Yes, it is me, Cal E. Fornia. No, I mean Dee Verticulitis. Oh, Anyhoo, you know! Call me by 100 names it's all me, the sad, sad Surfer Boy who loves the zun but lives in a flat dull shitty country full of overgrown inbred maniacs like Van Der Sloot.
"I've been opening and closing blogs, shoplifting records, giving away music, smelling Zinfarts, all the usual stuff. Sometimes I go nuts and scream about David Letterman having an affair (I know, he's ancient history but not to me), or that I was in the towers at 9/11, or I am crying because nobody took video of the night I was spit-roated by Levitt and McClure.
"Finally I do something new! Something that warms my cheap, fat Dutch heart! It involves making money by being a pervert! This is better than when I had a Rapidshare account that let me get free porn. I hope it works out for me! I have moved to South Carolina to be with my beloved human rucksack, Terry "Pubic" Beard. He set up an eBay account and here we go!
"Subtle? This is the real ad. I thought up the name Dutchpanties. Adult auctions aren't available in Holland, so you see the selling location is mosquito-loaded swampy South Carolina where we live. Who do you think is wearing those thongs? Do you realize that every time we sell one of these, it pays for a full meal at Applebees? Oh, I love America! I love Applebees! I am about to cry, I am so happy with my new life. Americans are so wonderfully corrupt. Ebay, Google, they are a Godsend to a sociopathic Dutchman. They have saved my life!"
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