"I received a mongrel dog called Sia. It has strange half-breed hair (which was tied up in a ribbon) and it makes strange noises. I don't think I can get used to it. In fact I'd love to kill it, but it's a living, breathing thing. Creature. Birth defect. Whatever. My question is whether it's good etiquette to return a pet, and ask for something else."
(signed) Aghast.
"Dear Aghast,
"You wish it was gassed? We understand. It's unfortunate when you find yourself beset by some unwanted nuisance. But if we took in every Icky Minaj and Viley Virus that was spawned and set loose in the world, we'd be up to our assholes in twats.
"In other words, you're stuck with the bitch. See ya!"
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