Friday, January 8, 2016

Gunga Dick likes David Blowie - For Being Boring

Once upon a time, when names like Lester Bangs and Greil Marcus dominated rock reviews, progrock flourished. Rock was encouraged. The Beatles and others were praised for stretching boundaries, and when things got dull, rock critics embraced the new wave of Elvis Costello, Nick Lowe, the Sex Pistols and even eccentric Ian Dury. Now? Shit.

There's shit because of piracy, and because Millennials and Minorities only want inane pop and rap. It's also shit because there aren't rock critics sneering about this garbage and pointing to something better. Even Rolling Stone sells out, putting boy bands on the cover, and taking Kuntye West seriously.

Over at the New York Post, their critic is...Hardeep Phull. Oh, well, if you want to be humorous, he takes it Hard, Deep and Full. But Gunga Dick, like everyone else, spends more time praising "beats" and noises. It's more important to have a "trendy" writer with a funny name and who is NOT white, than to have someone who is going to demand quality music and not just suck up whatever Jay-Z thinks is cool.

The real minority in the music world is white heterosexual rock writers, the ones who embraced the critically acclaimed rock music o the 60's and 70's and who also made sure to constantly mention the R&B, black and blues artists that influenced them. In fact, white heterosexual rock writes were some of the biggest reverse racists in the world, never giving their pasty-faced heroes their due. Janis Joplin was "the best WHITE blues singer" and The Rolling Stones were "the best WHITE R&B band stealing from Muddy Waters," etc. But that flaw is minor compared to today's Pakis and Muzzies and black rap twats who breathlessly quote stupid rappers with their albums full of feud-rhymes about each other. They ignore anyone white unless it's pop idiots like Viley Virus, A-Dull or Justa Beeper...best sellers that can't be slagged.

Huh? Hard, Deep and Full actually is mentioning a 60's artist?

Shouldn't I be giving Gunga Dick some credit for actually paying attention to one of the old 60's rock stars who made a new album nobody will buy?

No. Because when you read the copy, it's pretty obvious this guy has one eye on the latest tell-all "memoir" about Bowie's bisexuality (written by some bint who knew him wayyyy back when). The other eye is on the massive list of rapper morons and beat-inspired producers that David enlisted to try and make him seem relevant.

The album is admittedly boring, pretentious, over-long, but Hard, Deep & Full makes sure to point out all the groovy names associated with it; names most people over 40 wouldn't recognize for either being important, or producing great music.

Aren't you impressed that Bowie's offered a "dreamy psychedelic intermission?" No, I didn't think so. Ten minutes of it? Didn't we have enough of overlong twaddle when Jethro Tull was offering "Passion Play," and Harrison was gifting us with entire sides of bland "Apple Jam?"

Ah, but the album "referenced Kendrick Lamar's 2015 album 'To Pimp a Butterfly,'" and Christ knows, if there's anything more AWESOME than an androgyne bitches with little tits, obnoxious twats like Icky Minaj, or pop pap morons like One Direction, it's gotta be a Nigga. Nigga got the beats. Nigga talkin' about a Pimp. Nigga in da house. Hard, Deep & Phull might as well deliver a copy of the paper to Bowie and say, "Hey, yo, you married to a Nigga, yo, so that's why this album is funkier than that old Major Tom jive, know wuttum sayin'?!"

Nobody's expecting aging rockers to do anything worth hearing. Either they're stuck in some sludgy groove (like Elton John) or they desperately grab every trendy producer to cobble together an album that STILL doesn't interest anyone (Paul McCartney). As for Bowie, few are even going to download this off Kickass for Freeeeeeeeeeeeee. Ground control to the Interweb...nobody is exploring space. They are just wasting it.

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