Why Is It They are Here?

A very hilarious blog post on which stars should DIE in 2016, had me thinking of an old Moody Blues song. It was a solemn-spooky idiotic chant of "Why is it we are here…"

How sensitive. How melancholy. How eerie. How nauseating.

Yes, one of the hoped-for deaths in 2015 was the well-known spelling error, GRAEME EDGE, who sludged on the drums for the Gooey Moos. Why is it he's still here, along with whoever is currently in that idiotic band.

What I didn't know is that he aged into someone who looks like the spawn of Frankie Laine and God-awful American comedy writer and professional fag, Bruce Vile-anch. The awful Vilanch is the one responsible for those terrible "jokes" and idiotic banter segments on Academy Awards shows.

How does goofy Graeme DARE to wear such an idiotic toupee?? It doesn't look that terrible on an old-show-biz guy like Laine who you almost expect to wear one. But rockers shouldn't be going to Britney Spears' closet to filch an old wig.

That also goes for Neil Diamond. Christ, hasn't he heard of dignity? Or Sean Connery?

So, indeed, why ARE some touring windbags and jailed paedo-singers still around? And why ARE jerks like Dinsdale the Door, and Ginger the Baker still being pursued as if they have something worth hearing?

The wonderful list of 2016 dead-celeb WISH-THEY-WERES is hard to disagree with. I sure as hell can't name a decent David Crosby song. The only thing that comes to mind is that incredibly silly "Almost Cut My Hair" tune. (He still has idiotic bozo hair). I checked Wikipedia just to see if he wrote ANY of the passable CSN&Y songs. Nope. He wrote the forgettable pap-smear "Guinevere," and a song as stupid as the forum that also bears the same name, "Deja Vu." Fat boy mostly wrote meandering audio gruel. Not that Nash, Stills or Young wrote such gems on those first three albums. Almost none of 'em hold up. At best, like Cat Stevens' stupid shit they maybe "sounded" good if you were stoned. Ohhh, it IS a wild world. Or a wide world, Cat. And ohhh, if we had two cats in the yard, and a very very very fine house, Mr. Graham Mush....

Sting? I think his last halfway deent song had an anti-gun message. But mostly I recall it having the mind-numbing chorus, "I hung my head, I hung my head." How about, "I hung myself, I hung myself?" As a vocalist he's just a roadshow Peter Gabriel. As a songwriter, he's had maybe three interesting songs. It was a very unpleasant surprise to see the hirsute version of this ego-maniac nuzzling with Mylene Farmer on a very pointless and dopey rock video.

About a month ago, I had another terrible surprise. Some late-night talk show had a pompous old geezer pulling faces and shouting incoherent nonsense. He was acting as if he was SO hip, SO bored, SO cool. And I thought, "I've seen that ugly mug somewhere before." Yes, it was John Lydon in front of some band he couldn't call the Sex Pistols, acting like he hadn't had sex in 40 years. But he sure could mime, the wanker.

Rick Parfait. WHAT in the world is the reason ANYONE has EVER cared about Status Quo. I appreciate it's been a safe haven for Andy Bown, but that's about it. I've tried to collect the songs he's written for that awful group, but it's been a disappointment. The disappointment is I've collected them, and they're so forgettable. Even if he sang 'em I doubt they'd be worth listening to a second time.

So WHY IS IT Status Quo is still here, still always touring, still playing to some bunch of Euro-trash idiots? "Why is it we are here" should be something asked from the stage by so many pointless 70's and 80's bands that risk heart-attacks as they play as part of some Lollapalooza show on a hot summer day in July. Rush? Van Halen? WHY?

Springstink…how I've tried to find some reason to, if not like him, tolerate him. He's SUCH a phony, from the soul patch to his dyed hair to his idiotic earrings to his never-takes-a-shower buddy the ugly Punch puppet Little Steven. Christ, all those sound-alike idiotic "arena anthem" songs. How corny the way he postures. How ridiculous his nigga sax player doing the cliche shit he does. How pathetic all of 'em on stage showing off their guitars, and doing that stupid thing of putting the guitar up to the microphone on the last chord. Aside from Max, who sits behind the drums in a suit and is sort of an oblivious reptile ala Charlie Watts, they all STINK.

Peter Tork is one lucky man. He is still alive after suffering a disease. It was called…what, cancer…no, no, 'The Monkees.'

Aretha's a horrible fat blob while her opposite, the white, emaciated Cher is... almost forgivable. Almost. She sang that stupid "I've Got You Babe" with "Sonny the Genius," she sang "Gypsies Tramps and Thieves" (you had to guess if she fit into all three categories) and she told Letterman he was an asshole. She could be funny, a lot more entertaining with a quip than with all those horrible disco tunes. She spawned a sad wanker now wanking with a fake dick. She's too much of a fag hag. Is she still on a farewell tour, this Tussaud version of herself? I wouldn't want her dead, just missing!

Bassey…oh…I happened to see a weird album called "Remixes." It was Shirley's greatest hits (James Bond themes and what else??) with horrible nigga sound effects added. Better she was dead than authorizing such nonsense. She really has to keep going because fags of the Graham Norton school would miss her? Glitter and Rolf…sounds like a law firm for bulemics.

The list goes on, and these wankers, like Bono and Townshend go ON AND ON. While I don't wish them death, I wish many of them…a coma. How about that?

No more of seeing your moon-faced grin from under that moronic fedora, Mickey Doleful. No more scowling around the stage singing like a rusty hinge, Mr. Young. No more yowling like a fat-sheep version of Mr. Young, Mr. Morrison. No more faking that you're the real deal, Marcels and Four Tops. None of those cruise-ship idiots who trade on being minor members of Vanilla Fudge, 3 Dog Night, etc. No fake Herman's Hermits or other 60's and 70's groups with no original members. No Boko Harum. No more being a gap-toothed ridiculous old slut, Madonna.

As for Viley, Just a Beeper, A-Dull, Sia, Kuntye, Cuntwell, and most Under 40 idiots out there.…yeah, they ALL deserve to die, tell you why Mrs. Lovett…because at their best they aren't as good as Sondheim's worst. And believe me, Sondheim's worst is PRETTY DAMN AWFUL!!