It's a Great Day for The Disabled and Women

There's been some good news in Great Britain lately.

Politicians have joined forces in condemning Gideous Oddborn and supporting the disabled and the helpless. A typical headline from today's paper:

Among those taking up the protests is MP Percy, who was quoted as having a religious duty to act on behalf of the disabled. That quote was wrong. Of course, it appeared in the Grimsby Telegraph. What the Grimsby reporter thought was, "I'll take that up with Vicars," was actually Percy saying, "I'll take that up with Vickers," one of his colleagues.

The Telegraph did write a long puff-piece on David Gest, whose face was disabled by Botox. Many think he walks around wearing a Guy Fawkes mask.

"I wrote a piece on Gest," says our colleague, photographer and writer Cilla Blackledge. "The Telegraph rejected it. I had no idea some things I even donated free, were removed, but Mr. Percy told me to be tolerant. He says that the Grimsby Telegraph's editorial department is full of inbred retards. Chavs and their obese mothers have sex and the results are not pretty! The demented spawn don't even have an office, they work from toilet stalls. The Telegraph shut down their big offices due to failing readership. They really understand things like "Freedom of Speech." All the Telegraph staff want to do is perform cunnilingus on Melanie Onn. I refer to the female reporters, of course. The males want to blow David Gest."

While Cilla has had a setback, the other bit of GOOD news is that Great Britain's foremost new talent, Shauna Cuntwell, has written a new song! She is managed by Bill Hoobastank, the most brilliant American to invade England since David Gest.

"Guyyyysss live cheaper than we grrrrlls do," Shauna notes. "I have to spend a lot of money on feminine hygiene every month. I'd like to buy special vocoder effects and apps, but instead I need to buy twat toiletries! This stuff is expensive, and TAXED. No fair! One thing I don't like in a sanitary napkin is tacks!"

The dizzy bint got the front page of the Friday paper.

Shauna is best known for covering singers who have an age and IQ between 20 and 30, but with her original song, she demonstrates great ability as a topical lyricist.

"Someone sent me a bunch of protest songs by an American folk singer. I think his name is Feel Ox? Fuck Off? Whatever. I listened, and I got the idea that a protest song involves singing about something that needs changing. My first song was "Bill's Adult Diaper." My second is about the Tampon Tax."

Shauna expects everyone to buy her song on iTunes, and won't put the music on GooTube for free. However, she consented to let us quote her lyrics:

"My twat is not a VAT. It's not as wide as that.
It's not a barrel made of staves. It's fleshy and needs shaves.
I'm stropping and I'm waxing. Yet the government's been taxing,
And I don't think that it's fair. They should not get in my hair.
Don't tax my douching powder which is scented just like clover,
When I can't afford to use it, I see people Dublin over

(Chorus)

Ding dong dell, I keep my cunt so well!
Don't tax the soaps that remove my knickers' smell.
Don't try to make some pence from the blood in us girls' vents.
Tax our twats for being gory? I say Fuck You, Dickhead Tory!"

Shauna says, "Guyyyyysss, it's vital you buy my song and help influence the government to change the laws!" When informed the law HAS been changed, she blinked her baby owl eyes and said, "Watta surrrpryyyyys!"