Drake LaRoche, The All American Brat of the Shitcago White Sox

On the lighter side of America's lunatic antisemitic redneck culture, there's goofy beaver-faced Adam LaRoche, a washed up over-paid ballplayer. And his brat.

Sanity 1, Pedophilia 0.

Gee Willikers!

You know America LOVES symbols of its wholesomeness. This includes white bread, Disney movies (like "Little League Moochie") and baseball. Baby Boomers, from Bob Dylan to Randy Newman, haven't been able to refrain from dropping a wistful mention of Wonder Bread or "little kids playing baseball." Paul Simon got a very hurt look from all-American Mickey Mantle when it was "where have you gone Joe DiMaggio." Joe was way too Italian-looking and didn't Paul grow up idolizing Mickey the Oklahoma Kid? Yes, Paul had to explain, "but your name didn't scan." Seriously, any kid growing up in the late 50's or early 60's wanted to be Mickey Mantle.

This Drake LaRoche brat looks like a little Mickey Mantle.

He also resembles Micky Dolenz, who spent his childhood years playing "Circus Boy" on a syndicated TV series. There were LOTS of TV shows about all-American boys. America's always loved its Huckleberry Finns, almost as much as it loves flashing a crucifix, singing hymns on a Sunday morning, and making sure kikes are only around to handle accounting and lawyering and niggers only around to pump gas and clean the house. That was what made the 50's ideal.

Adam LaRouche (a Paul Bunyan beard IS allowed...as is the typical religious fanatic's wide eyed stare) was so proud of his brat that he would take the kid with him...for EVERY GAME. Finally, management (uh oh, a BLACK guy) stepped in, and said, "Look, THIS year, dial it back. We can't have a kid in the locker room EVERY game. Or even every OTHER game."

How comfortable IS it for a 14 year-old to be in the presence of a bunch of naked men? How many of them either are inhibited by having a brat around (no cursing and scratching) or find themselves feeling an odd little tingle of lust? And how insufferable IS it for a brat to not only be able to boast that his Daddy is a major league ballplayer and that he can get into games free, but "I'm in the locker room EVERY game."

America has ONE day a year set aside as "take your child to work day." More than that? NO.

But you know religious fanatic assholes, they are ENTITLED, they have been told by GOD that they are right, and this ADAM (is his wife named EVE?) declared he was gonna let his precious boy be ENTITLED or he'd quit. And he quit.

People were astonished. The bastard walked away from a 13 million dollar contract! WOW.

Except, this bastard is set for life. He's made that much HOW many years in a row? He's also getting a PENSION! This was the last year he was going to play, anyway, so he may also have figured, "What if I embarrass myself with a shitty year? I'm in my late 30's. I could really screw up. Hell, walking away, what the fuck. I'm not even worried about disappointing my teammates, since I'll probably not be helping them win THAT many games..."

So Daddy walked out, Holier than Thou.

One or two players sided with psycho-daddy, but most breathed a sigh of relief. Happily, most in the media have agreed with management. Many writers, fathers with children, wrote: "I have kids and I would NEVER let them hang around me EVERY day. Children don't belong in the workplace." Another question would be, if you allow a brat to hang around the locker room, how about a Yoko? "My wife is going to be in the club house from now on. Look, we allow female reporters, so this is ok, too." Followed by, "I'm bringing in my fan club..."

Yes, Adam psycho-eyes LaRoche IS a Millennial, so he has that bullet-headed Saxon-mother's attitude of being ENTITLED and RIGHT. And Lord knows, GOD TELLS HIM WHAT TO DO AND WHEN TO BE A MARTYR.

Christ. And who the hell names a kid DRAKE? As annoying as Nigga names might be, these fucking Christian Millennial idiots who name every kid Taylor and Tyler and DRAKE are WORSE.

Go to a La Roach Motel, you LaRoches. You're almost as loathsome as a Beckham tattoo.