It's Snacks "as Big as a Baseball" Season

Look at THIS giant Adele-sized WAD:

That's a fucking cheddar-covered blob of fatty hamburger, a deep-fried greasy chicken cutlet, and an oily fried clump of potatoes. It's a heart attack that'll cost about $20. Or MORE.

It's called "Barnyard Wedding." HOW APPETIZING.

What, Adele? You say it's TOO SMALL? Then you'll want the "Tape Measure." This is a disgusting "Cheese Steak" (a long, twisty entrail of meat coated over in the cheapest liquid gooey cheese which comes in a fucking squirt-bottle). It's TWO FEET LONG. And nearly $30.

Where are these and other horrible items being sold? Yankee Stadium. They are NEW this year

While you can buy a foot-long sandwich from a Subway fast-food take-away joint and bring it to the stadium with you for under $6, who wouldn't be delighted to say "I had a TAPE MEASURE at YANKEE STADIUM!!!?" Besides, the average slob moron who makes $100 an hour as a plumber wouldn't think of brown-bagging a sandwich to a stadium (where a modest seat high up somewhere is $75).

Last time I was at the stadium, I was repulsed by the stinky food, which was being eaten by stinky people. Some slob ordered an "ordinary" cheese steak and it stunk up the air with dead flesh and smothered onions for about ten minutes before he could finish it. The place also reeked of beer.

Baseball is supposed to be a contemplative game. There are long pauses while you wait for anything to happen. You think along with the pitcher and the manager on the strategy for every batter. You wonder where the pitch will be thrown, and at what speed, to counter the batter's strength and intention (a hit or a home run). Considering it takes three strikes to get someone out, four balls before he walks, and unlimited balls fouled off, one at-bat can be downright tedious.

So who the fuck needs loudmouth morons bellowing "Come on, baby! HIT A HOMER!" Or "Strike the fucker out" over and over? And who wants ADD morons filling the time with constant chatter and goofy jokes about each other?

I'd be happy for them to stuff their faces except the food STINKS.

In the old days, I used to just get up and go someplace else, but now, perversely, the stadium is always very full (of tourists as well as slobs with a ton of money) and there are security guards constantly demanding to see your ticket, unless you're in the nosebleed seats, and it's too cold and distant to go way up there to avoid stinky loud people.

Baseball stadiums seem to know how to put the fat asses in the seats: feed 'em grease, cheese, meat, beer...and let 'em scream and curse as much as possible, which leads to loading up on more beer, grease, cheese and meat...