Bill Hoobastank's Fairy Tale Song for Shauna

Convinced that wide-eyed naive Shauna can succeed, but NOT with her own original material, manager Bill Hoobastank has put pen to paper.

Actually, he put penis to toilet paper. He wiped the shit off his dick, furious that he made such a load in his nappy some of it backed up in the front.

However, this inspired some more shit: Hoobastank lyrics!

"Let me tell you how I was inspired," Bill gurgled. "I'm sure that one day scholars will want to know, so I'm taking the time to mention it. Shauna wrote a song about fairytales and crystals and things, and I thought, wow, that would be very good without the lyrics!

"Then I wrote my own, and made a demo with a paper cup and a thread instead of a microphone and a cord, and a state of the art Sanyo 1974 cassette player. Sounded great to ME.

"I sent it to Shauna complete with illustrations! Now YOU can enjoy it too!"

Bill Hoobastank's “Life’s a Lovely Fairy Tale”

Shauna, wanna wander through my sappy happy life?
I’m living in a fantasy. With my YOUNG ATTRACTIVE WIFE!

You say that life’s a fairy tale, oh darling, tell you what
Lou said “You're one fat fairy,” and he punched me in the gut.

Grow old along with me and you will soon wear a dumb smile
It's not 'cause life’s good, but ‘cause you’re totally senile

I wish the sky was crystal with sugar candy across the plains.
And E.T. drove a bicycle right through my fucking brains.

(bridge)

Oh Rainbow Bridge, Oh Brooklyn Bridge, Oh Bridge Across the Humber!
I’ve written a Bridge Chorus, which could not be any dumber!

....

Shauna, let me tell you what makes life a cheerful thrill.
It’s finger-fucking D-list stars. (Ok, I’m pretty ill!)

I’ll tell you dozy Dublin bint, all religions can live as one.
Try saying “I am Jewish.” Oh, Shauna, then you’ll see some fun!

(sound effect)

BANG, WALLOP, PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH, “KIKE BASTARD!” PUNCH, PUNCH, BANG, “SAPRISTI!” PUNCH BANG, WALLOP, SPLASH: “He’s fallen in the water!”