Hey Brits, Puppy Jimmy Fallon and US Late Nite? SHIT!

Pity the Brits? Their late night stars seem to be TWO. The choice is wonky-lipped tedious Jonathan Woss, and fairy-wit Graham Norton. Neither are on every night.

Guess what. Brits are lucky. More of them, or more late night shows, and it would just be more...MORONIC.

America boasts a ton of late night shows, and they are SHITE.

The point was driven home by a newspaper report burbling about one of the late night gabbers' latest antic...joking with Chris Fartin of Moldplay. More on that in a moment.

Currently FabAmerica offers nightly doses of ratings leaders Puppy Jimmy Fallon and snarky, overly-toothed Seth Meyers (NBC), the horribly pretentious and pseudo-intellectual Stephen Colbert and the pudgy, giddy British twit James Corden (CBS), the snail-like, dumpy Jimmy Kimmel (ABC) and automatic-pilot pest Conan O'Brien (TBS). PLUS...way too many pretenders on obscure cable channels.

As you might guess, I'm not fond of any. Kimmel is the most tolerable, mostly because he was highly influenced by David Letterman, and can sometimes be prone to passive-aggressive stunts and wisecracks. Like Dave, he can't sing and doesn't play piano or guitar. FALLON can't be stopped when it comes to bursting into song and, worse, finding any and every excuse to sing along with his guests. Like THIS poisonous moment the other night.

Puppy Jimmy, Mr. Enthusiasm, has uglified into a boring, repulsive jerk. One could excuse his early days when awe got the better of him, and like a kid unable to stop shoplifting candy, he'd insist on trying to duet with Neil Young or Macca. Soon, he got egotistic and simply figured he SHOULD horn in on their time because he was SO hilarious.

At one point you could see good-natured Macca beginning to cringe with embarrassment as irrepressible puppy Fallon insisted on demonstrating his impressions of John, George and Ringo's accents (as if Macca didn't know the differences).

Now? Now he's about 40 and it's just plain annoying the way he makes his writers find ways of inserting himself in sketches and song routines with his musical guests. It's repulsive to see this jerk literally sprawl on Billy Joel's piano and shut his eyes and bawl into his microphone as if he's a worthy duet partner.

A regular feature has fuckhead Fallon lip-sync in competition with an actual vocalist (one night it was Justin Bieber). The best I can say is that it's less enraging than James Corden's faggoty "car karoake," which everyone seems to adore.

Late Night has become SHITE.

Once upon a time, the only way Leno, Letterman (or Carson or Paar) competed with a guest was to ad-lib jokes if the guest was becoming boring.

An obscure cable channel, "Antenna TV" bought the rights to all the old Carson shows. The other night (well, 40 years ago, but broadcast the other night) Johnny's first guests were citizens from an obscure town called Essex, that was a graveyard for TV reception. They got NONE. Interviewing townies who actually moved into this rinky-dink less-than-100 population farm community, he asked, "Do you miss TV?" The answer was "NO." And "NO." and "NO." People who grew up in the town of course didn't miss it, but those who moved in quickly got used to passing the time by reading, visiting friends, listening to the radio, and NOT suffering a lot of utter SHITE via talk shows.

With Letterman gone (and even the often frustrating and assholish Craig Ferguson) I've accepted that late night is SHITE and I won't sit and watch it. It's a hard habit to break, and I'll sometimes pause after the news to see what Kimmel's up to, but a nightly dose of topical monology is not likely to happen, and the guests are mostly gonna be mindless Millennial jerks I never heard of.

Once in a while I check the torrents to see if Woss or the Bearded Butt Wrangler have a guest on that I may have heard of. Usually I don't bother watching. Late night satire and witty conversation was once a part of life. But, come to think of it, that was mostly part of life in the 20th Century.