Say something NICE about the MONARCHY

Yes, I get it.

I agree with it. After the beloved old bag croaks, the monarchy should be ABOLISHED.

No more Queen. She's just a fuckin' bean.

There's nothing lovable, intelligent or useful about whoever would take her place on that fish-stained throne: Prince Charles and his horse, Princess Diana's bald spawn, and the rest of the idiot privileged pests.

But take a look across the polluted pond. What a vast choice of...TWITS and TWATS.

The reports on their daily doings are almost as absurd as the Daily Fail's breathless babbling about Kardashians and One Direction assholes.

The election is NINE FUCKING MONTHS AWAY.

This crap of stupid quotes and idiot antics and dopey photos takes up most of the day's news.

The process of electing a President is beyond TEDIOUS.

My opinion, phrased in Dury lingo, or British rhyming slang? Berkshire Hunt, my friend.

The Candidates are...quoting Kilburn with his High Roads behind him...

A BLEEDIN' LOAD OF BERKS, BELIEVE YOU ME!

The Democrats? Hillary Clinton is a hack. She's bought and paid for. She's hip, and sometimes can even still be attractive in a MILFy way, despite the rumors of being half-lesbian. I met her in person some years ago and she did have a kind of jaw-dropping celeb aura about her (like, uh, Helen Mirren or Glenn Close or Jane Fonda). But make no mistake, she'll make sure the hedge fund weasels, bankers, oil bastards and the rest enjoy their prosperity.

Her competition? Crazy ol' Bernie Sanders, a fucking joke. He's nothing but a senator from Vermont, and nobody wants to live there except retired old coots. Millennials like him because instead of saying, "Get off my lawn," he tells them, "I'm gonna occupy Wall Street!" Yeah, you and who else, Bernie. As Carter and Obama proved, you can't do much without a majority, and a Democratic President can be neutralized by a Republican-controlled Senate.

PS, Bernie Sanders is a JEW. There's no way he wins. Antisemitism is much too real. America elected a BLACK president before even considering a Jew. There was never a Jewish candidate for President before and this guy is just a cartoon, and people have voted for him mostly so that Hillary would have to sweat her knickers a bit.

It's gotten VERY boring listening to these two, and having them pull show-biz shit like appearing regularly on "Saturday Night Live" to show how they can laugh at themselves. Ha ha ho ho hee hee. Politics has become more like show biz. Candidates now have to tell jokes!

On the Republican side? The big joke of course is Mr. Show Biz, Donald Trump, who was a talk show regular because he went to parties and was a celebrity millionaire casino operator. Then he got his own idiot "Celebrity Apprentice" reality show and became even MORE famous, with his "You're FIRED" catch-phrase. Ha ha, he has funny hair. Ho ho he says crazy things the average person doesn't think is so crazy (like, we have enough fucking Muslims and Mexicans already).

To the shock of just about everyone, he hasn't gone away. He could seriously becoming the candidate. A field of idiots tried to play catch-up and failed. Among those who gave up and quit the race: cartoonishly fat and low-class arrogant New Jersey governor Chris Christie, sleepy-looking Ben Carson a ridiculous "brain surgeon" black guy with NO political experience, and pathetic Dubya brother Jeb Bush. Jeb probably made a mistake in chortling about having a Mexican wife and being able to speak Spanish. The LAST thing whites and blacks in America want is MORE MEXICANS. Or any SPICS, if you'll pardon my accurate description. A bi-lingual country? No, POR FAVOR.

At the moment, two desperate SPICS are trying to de-rail Trump: Ted Cruz, an ugly big-nosed sleazebag slob who is Governor of Tex-Ass, and Marco Rubio, a slimy little Cuban wart who is the senator from corrupt and disgusting Florida. Wiping the rear is some guy named Kasich who, by virtue of being white and semi-respectable and the governor of Ohio, has gotten a few endorsements from semi-normal Republican celebrities (of which there are FEW).

At the moment the dreary headlines either chitter about the latest insults the candidates hurl at each other, or scream the tired complaints about the front-runners (Donald is a racist, Hillary hid her e-mails and oh yeah, is responsible somehow for Muslims attacking the American embassy in Syria).

Paranoia runs deep in the Heartland. Most of the criticism on all the candidates reflects how scared and neurotic Americans can be.

Would America be better off with some old bag waving, attending an annual gala show produced by Simon Cowell, and telling everyone to be nice and clean up litter in the streets? Maybe. Like the Pope, having one old nitwit in there FOREVER is seen as preferable to the obnoxious, idiotic tumult and hype of regular elections.

Especially when the candidates are...SHITE.