Media Spin: Mean Cops Kill "Unarmed" Man -- who WAS armed

Don't trust the media.

"They're just out to capture my dime," Mr. Paul Simon once sang. It's the truth.

What makes a story that'll get a lot of hits? How about the good ol' "Cop Kills Unarmed Man" item? That never misses. (And neither did the cop, har har.)

Under blazing headlines about COP KILLS UNARMED MAN, we find all this bilge and bullshit about some poor redneck asshole who got offed. It sure reads like he's a real sweetie.

Who doesn't feel sorry for a fat-faced cock-eyed jerk who likes to shoot rifles and kill birds? And who has some flinty-faced bitch to bang during his spare time?

Gee, all he did was RECKLESSLY POINT A RIFLE OUT A HOTEL WINDOW.

It caused enough alarm for SOMEBODY TO CALL THE COPS.

Hey, Fat-Face would still be alive if only the cops never bothered to show up. Heck, the cops should've stayed at the station house eating donuts or something.

The REAL story, filtered through the Media Spin, starts like this:

"The night of his death, Shaver had invited a man and woman at the hotel to his room for drinks..."

Huh? Mr. Family man (wife and two kiddies) is drinking with strangers? What's he drinking? What's he got planned?

"After some shots of rum, the man asked Shaver about a case that appeared to hold a musical instrument. Shaver opened it to reveal a pellet gun and dead sparrow inside."

OH. We've got a drunken redneck who is rummed up and bragging about how he kills birds. This fuckhead even keeps one as a souvenir. He's bragging about how part of his "job" is to kill birds when they happen to fly through an open window or door at Wal-Mart. Yeeeee hah!

WHAT kind of fucking job is this? Wal-Mart hires somebody to shoot birds and potentially kill a customer with a ricochet? They'll ask this asshole to drive to any Wal-Mart in the state when there's a report of a bird flying around? Really?

Back to the story. The Media Spin continues to make it seem like the cops were out for blood:

"When police found Shaver, they warned him that he “may not survive” if he did anything that could be considered a threat...Shaver appeared to making small jerking motions while he had his hands behind his back. An officer yelled at him, “If you do that again, we are shooting you. Do you understand?” “No, please don’t shoot me,” Shaver said...sobbing.”

What if we spin this the other way? We've got a drunken redneck coward who was very brave about rumming it up and showing off his rifle to strangers. Now he's sobbing. He's on the ground, he's being told "DON'T move" and "DON'T" and warned AGAIN. So what's he do? He moves his hand toward his waist. Does this fuckhead have a derringer in there? Some pepper spray? He's been TOLD that if keeps on MOVING he is going to be SHOT.

"Previous reports have indicated Shaver may have been drunk at the time of the shooting — despite telling officers he was not — and possibly did not understand police orders. Shaver’s autopsy report has not been released."

What do you do if you're the cop? Wait for this fuckhead to pull some kind of weapon? How about a knife going into your eye and disabling you for life? The brave, brave Spinners in the media are insisting this guy was unarmed. He could've been. Whether it's Trayyyyvon or THIS putz, you don't take chances with somebody unless they are NAKED.

And if this jerk was ordered to strip naked and prove he was unarmed, imagine the trouble.

What are the cops supposed to do? Each grab an arm and a leg and haul the bastard out? And risk being accused of manhandling the jerk? What if the guy makes a sudden move for that knife in his waistband, or the vial of acid, and does some damage?

And so in a split second, one of the cops had enough of the redneck with the rifle and his herky-jerky antics and his attempts at reaching for his waist, and unloaded on him, and didn't fucking stop. A bit of, uh, overkill? Maybe. Maybe he should've aimed for the guys legs and then waited to see if the guy went for the knife that might've been tucked in his waistband?

The fact is, this story was spun. It was fictionalized. It was slanted. It was headlined as a situation where the cop had no reason to shoot at all, as if the cop had a fucking x-ray machine and knew this redneck was totally unarmed.

That's media spin, and it's as inflammatory and disgusting as a boil on a bulldog's butt.