Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart ... THE ODD COUPLE

In the never-ending publicity game for their revival of "Waiting for Godot," Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart have fallen in love with each other.

Not physically. No no. They've just discovered, as has the ENTIRE WORLD, that nothing is more hilarious, heartwarming or fun...than seeing two millionaire geezers on a never-ending promo junket

Here they are on a talk show, here they are signing at a street fair, here they are doing word games as part of a press conference to tell the world they are STILL in "Waiting for Godot" and tickets are available.

These two are cashing in, as much as possible, on the fact that the losers of the world have managed to migrate from mum's basement and from Comic-Con to an off-Broadway theater. Suddenly, two guys popular only for movie-garbage, are getting a chance to show the world they really are actors...

...and that they are more than that...STARS!

Actors just get paid to be on stage and go home. STARS, before they get to the theater, spend the afternoon doing press antics, getting adulation for sitting around tittering about each other, or playing silly promo games in public. And yes, way too much of the tittering is about how Ian is GAY and Patrick is NOT, but they both have so much in common...being Gods to sci-fi and fantasy film losers.

McKellen was pretty much of a nobody until the nerds of the world began begging for his autograph every time he played some bearded fantasy figure in a shitty movie. He was all right with this fame and fortune...but ONLY if the world knew he was GAY. Not just gay. GAY. GAY GAY GAY GAY GAYYYYYYYYYY.

If you thought Elton John was obnoxious with his constant "I"m a GAY man" chortling...just try and get through any TV interview with this fucking McKellen granny. Just tone it down a notch...to say...the snickering and eye-rolling of Graham Norton. OK?

Now, baldilocks himself, Patrick Stewart. To a disgusting generation of turd-heads under 40, the "Captain" on "Star Trek" is NOT KIRK, BUT PICK NOSE. Uh, PICK AXE? Oh, yeah, yeah, PICARD.

As you might surmise, I haven't watched "Star Trek" in 30 years. Never saw the movies. ANY of them. I wasn't much of a fan of the original show. Even though it was, unlike most sci-fi, more character than effects driven, I just don't give a shit about Klingons and time warps and the rest of that fairy tale bullshit. I don't think I've seen Patrick Stewart in any film or TV show.

I also don't recall ever seeing McKellen in anything...because I don't care about hobbits and hogwarts and the rest of that petty, stupid, pointless world of drivel.

Hey kiddies...you want to try fantasy? Try imagining yourself on a space ship instead of a bus. Try coping by thinking the obnoxious jerks getting in your way every day are wookies and they're really in costumes. Yeah, try using your imagination on EARTH in the middle of miserable daily life, and stay out of the fucking movie theaters and try to pry yourself away from your 50 inch plasma TV screen...

Back to the story. McKellen and Stewart have been relentless on talk shows, trying to prolong the run of "Waiting for Godot," or get an assignment for something similar. My nomination? A geriatric revival of THE ODD COUPLE, with gay fussy Ian and gruffly lovable Patrick. And how fussy Ian keeps trying to polish Patrick's head. And how Patrick tries to keep his mouth shut and his underpants on, and not fall for the gay wheedle of "don't knock it till you've tried it...everyone's a latent homosexual."

These are two nice guys...when it comes to fans or well-intentioned strangers, Patrick Stewart will never be as personally cold and arrogant as Shatner. And when it comes to promoting tolerance of homosexuality, McKellen will never be as catty, provocative and acid-bitchy as Takei.

I only wish they'd just shut the fuck up when they're not on stage. They are becoming a very predictable corny comedy "team." But maybe that's because they're just McKellen the Gay Guy & Stewart the Erudite Ac-TOR. Maybe they should adopt a more comedy team identity. Call themselves More-Cum and Wise-ass.